spinofflive
alex (61)

PartnersDecember 17, 2019

Decade in review: The 100 NZ TV moments of the decade (80-61)

alex (61)

At 2pm every day this week, The Spinoff will be counting down 100 local television moments of the decade. Today, moments 80-81. 

Previously: The 100 NZ TV moments of the decade, #100 – #81

80) Behind Jeff’s Eyes, 2018

The first season of the Great Kiwi Bake Off was notable for many charming things (the hosts, the judges, the vibe), and two chilling ones: each of Jeff’s piercing blue eyes. They seemed a colour found no one else on earth, blazing out from our televisions into our souls. Until, suddenly, they were just normal… / Duncan Greive

79) Man gets up and leaves Firstline, 2012

A classic news blooper for the ages and, just when you think it’s over, he loudly drops his mic pack. Bellissima. / Alex Casey

78) Iyia Liu gets a butt lift, 2019

It is a sequence that will be forever seared into my memory from the first season of TVNZ’s Boss Babes. Iyia Liu, influencer and #girlboss entrepreneur, having her butt cheeks violently pumped with her own fat to give her the Instagram curves of her dreams. A harrowing look behind the influencer curtain and the twisted reality of body image for young women in the Instagram age. Never forget the bloodied full-body pad she had to lie on in her hotel room. Never seen anything like it before, hope I never have to see anything like it again. / AC

77) Infomercial queen Suzanne Paul uses a vacuum to lift a car off the ground, 2018 

“Like God’s creation of Adam, Suzanne connects the electrical cords. The power is unleashed, the crane begins to lift, and the two-tonne SUV moves slowly off the ground. The suction holds. Suzanne Paul is defying gravity. “Look at that!” she screams. “It’s actually working!”” / Tara Ward

76) C-U-N-T magnets on Shortland Street

They stand for charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent and maybe an art department team quietly revolting against their Ferndale overlords. / Sam Brooks

75) Oprah bombs Te Kāea news, 2015

Just the world’s biggest TV star casually interrupting a live broadcast, no big deal. / TW

74) Abstain for the game 

Sean Fitzpatrick driving around in a giant fist, asking New Zealanders to refrain from fucking for the All Blacks… Can’t see how that became a problem for Telecom. / DG

73) Target’s hidden cameras catch a carpet cleaner doing the opposite of cleaning, 2012

Somehow I managed to escape watching this horror show until the end of the decade, and I’m not sure I’ll recover for another 10 years. Target’s hidden camera trials were well known for checking up on dodgy tradies, but this particular episode will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. Absolute filth, and I’m not talking about the carpets. Read the whole horrifying story here. / TW

72) Dogs driving cars on Campbell Live

We will have more on Campbell Live later in the week, but it is important to remember this seminal moment for canines nationwide, and equally important to remember that these dogs are better drivers than I am. / AC

71) Harper 2 fuckity boo, 2019

No explanation needed. / AC

70) The strangest live cross of the decade

Paul Henry and Jesse Peach at the 2014 APRA Silver Scrolls was one of the more bizarre things to have happened on television in the 2010s, “a shambolic piece of meta-reporting, unintentionally revealing the dark truth that sometimes no one involved in a piece of television is remotely invested in the outcome”. / DG

69) Surreal Chanui ads, 2017

They have since moved on to more sophisticated pastures (biscuits), but it is important to remember a time when the Chanui ads were bizarrely homespun and severely discombobulating to a humble person blobbing out on their humble couch. “Can we just all agree straight away: the Chanui ads are really fucking weird,” Lucy Zee wrote for us in 2017. “Basically it’s just a guy telling us to buy his tea and about three people seemingly held at gunpoint telling the camera why they love the tea so much.” / AC

68) The Briscoes Lady does Running Man live on Breakfast, 2016

Name a more iconic trio: The Briscoes Lady, Running Man, Rawdon Christie. Nobody remembers what the Running Man phenomenon was all about, but anything that makes The Briscoes Lady dance like there’s a Half Price Midnight Madness Sale on is fine by me. / AC

67) My kingdom for a cheesecutter hat

Theatre! On the telly! Who would think this would make a decade-end moment? But thanks to Pop-Up Globe founder Miles Gregory and his ubiquitous cheesecutter hat, and Penny Ashton giving him the riot act about using #metoo imagery to promote an all-male version of Measure for Measure, we got one. It was such an explosive moment (propelled by an article on this very site) that it managed to change the company’s hiring procedure for the better – 50/50 gender split casting from now on. / SB

66) Westside takes on the Springbok tour  

One of the assets of Westside, especially compared to Outrageous Fortune, is that it could be a window into history and a way to dramatize it without going the whole telly-feature road about it. Westside pulled it off, giving us not only a window into the Springbok Tour, but giving a kaleidoscope of views split across race, gender and class. It’s one of the peaks of the show, and the whole Westside franchise, and near justifies the prequel’s existence.

65) Pam Corkery calls a reporter a “puffed up little shit” during the election campaign, 2014

That’s us told, then. / TW

64) Anika does Helen Clark impression to Helen Clark

Anika Moa is the interviewer of the decade (televised, Kim Hill still rules over the radio waves with an iron glare and a smoker’s voice). Nowhere is this more obvious than when she did a Helen Clark impression, just the right blend of on-point and wildly over-the-top, right to the former prime minister’s face. She’s irreverent, but she knows her shit well enough to nail them to the wall, and most importantly, she’s damn funny. / SB

63) Bieber L&P, 2014 

“Just as Alicia launches into a treatise about it being a ginger-beerish lemon concoction, the shit hitteth the fanneth. Bieber twists open the shaken bottle of L&P and it sprays up hill and down dale – on his t-shirt, his jeans, his dog tags, the couch, the floor. He shoots up to his feet and holds it at arm’s length like a violently spewing baby. He’s pissed.” / AC

62) This incredible guy on Police 10/7, TVNZ2

I revisit this beautiful bird of the night every time that I am feeling down, and it works every single time. What if I pulled a bag of meth out? What if indeed. / AC

61) Lionel Skeggins returns to Shortland Street 

They said it would never happen. They said it wasn’t really him. I know what I saw, but only one man knows the truth. Do you know the muffin man? / TW

Keep going!
Look at these moody British dramas, y’all!
Look at these moody British dramas, y’all!

Pop CultureDecember 17, 2019

First, clench your jaw: The perfect recipe for a quality British crime drama

Look at these moody British dramas, y’all!
Look at these moody British dramas, y’all!

Another British drama, another moody small town with more murders than actual people – but what makes a truly great one? Drama masterchef Tara Ward has the recipe down.

Nothing beats a good crime drama for a binge watch, and nobody does it better than the British. Whether it’s award-winning shows like Broadchurch, Luther and Sherlock, period dramas like Spies of Warsaw, or psychological thrillers like Trust Me and The Capture, Britain churns out quality dramas that capture your attention from the very first moments, shows that take you on a tense and emotional journey into dark and unexpected places. It’s television so dark, you’ll need to keep the lights on. Or is that just me? It’s fine. 

We love these dark crime dramas, just like these dark crime dramas love a midnight bacon butty and a dishevelled loner with a flimsy alibi. But what makes them so compelling? What keeps pulling us back to these nerve-wracking shows filled with death and despair, like we’re misery magnets and they are TV’s North Pole? It’s a question fit for Her Royal Highness herself, but since she’s got other stuff on her plate, we’ve come up with the answers you need. 

After extensive research (mostly watching this video) and robust debate (me, talking to myself), we’ve uncovered the perfect recipe for a quality British crime drama. Chuck all these things together and you’re guaranteed* (*results may vary) to discover another gripping drama that keeps you on the edge of your seat and leaves you hungry for more. More criminals, more secrets and lies, and definitely more Olivia Colman saving the world from sociopaths and annoying idiots. The woman can do no wrong.

Recipe for the perfectly dark British drama:

First, clench your jaw and stare into the distance

Idris Elba still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. 

Sprinkle in some deliciously moody scenery

Broadchurch’s scenery is so haunting and atmospheric that I started Googling “flights to the murder capital of England’s south west” before the opening credits had finished. I was ready to move into Alec Hardy’s boathouse and eat greasy chips all day every day, but guess what? The town of Broadchurch doesn’t even exist. Olivia Colman lied to me, and we need to have words.

Throw in some big names

Legends like Idris Elba, Olivia Colman, Benedict Cumberbatch and David Tennant have each made successful, award-winning, fall-off-the-edge-of-your-seat British thrillers, but it’s time to tip our Union Jack flat caps to The Great British Bake Off’s Mel Giedroyc, who stars in two episodes of Spies of Warsaw. Did they have soggy ladyfingers in World War Two Poland? They do now. 

Be prepared to shout a lot

“BLOODY TWIT-TAH” etc.

Add the salty tears of a tortured genius

British dramas are chocka with exceptional leading men who are burdened with a tortured soul. Repressed feelings ooze from every pore, contempt drips from each snarled lip, cut them and they bleed internalised tears. I mean, John Luther is brilliantly unorthodox but becomes consumed by his cases, Alec Hardy is unrelenting to the point of near death, and Sherlock is a freaking genius but also a narcissist, a perfectionist, and his own worst enemy. Anyone notice a pattern? Take a break, fellas, join a Men’s Shed or something.

Chuck in a small community with unreasonably high levels of crime

Run for your lives. 

Mix in a bit of David Tennant

It’s required by law that all British dramas include at least three scenes featuring David Tennant. I don’t make the rules, but whether he’s playing grumpy detective Alec “Shitface” Hardy in Broadchurch, a mysterious military spy in Spies of Warsaw, or a grieving dad in Single Father, David Tennant is the baking powder of any good TV show. You only need a pinch of him, and the show rises like hot bun. Delicious.

Choose a one word title for your show

Don’t say we didn’t warn you, Spies of Warsaw

Fold in one hell of a mood

It might be Sherlock’s dizzying suspense or the unbearable tension of Broadchurch, the psychological unease of Trust Me or the gritty darkness of Luther, but a good British drama packs an emotional punch so strong you’ll never want to leave the house again. Also, who knew the soundtrack in Spies of Warsaw could put you so much on edge? Clarinets, freaking us out since 1939. 

Set fire to the recipe, disobey orders, break the law and do it your way

Your country needs you.

Always remember: trust no one

Not even Olivia Colman. Sorry.  


This content was created in paid partnership with TVNZ OnDemand, where you can watch all the shows mentioned above. Learn more about our partnerships here

But wait there's more!