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Escher's Staircases

Pop CultureApril 4, 2025

The Friday Poem: ‘reluctant heterosexual’ by Amanda Faye Martin

Escher's Staircases

A new poem by Amanda Faye Martin.

reluctant heterosexual

one time i got snowed in with a guy
i thought i didn’t want to sleep with
but then he said something that felt true
like clarity could be simple
like things could be known
like picking fruit
in warm weather
and I thought:
oh god
let me in
let me point to things i could never name
let me open my mouth
and receive them
like
deep throating the idea of stability
yes:
i could die a little death like this
on my back
being fed words like
some greek god
receiving grapes
what i’m trying to say is
i slept with him
i let him throw me around
i fucked him in a chair
and his stupid single bed
maybe too many times
in some strange barter of body for access
trying to access
failing to
i didn’t love him
he told me he loved me
and i told him he didn’t know me
there was nothing to know
i was just a bunch of half-formed ideas
in a trench coat
pretending to be a woman

sometimes i wonder if my attraction to men
or at least a certain kind of man
whose mind feels like a church
or at least
some brilliant haven
is mostly about a desire to be carried into a world
that is different from my own
with sturdy mental architecture
forged from foreign supplies like

confidence
& what’s the word?
certainty.
yes –
it’s easy to come
i mean cum
in such a nice house

maybe i could love a woman
if i could ever bear to look into a mind
that reflects my own:
haunted, curious, malleable
harry potter staircases that shift
constantly
ideas lost to rooms you’ll never get to
how could anything grow here
in a house of forever collapsing walls?
(& yet –
things do
don’t they?
it’s just hard to believe
in this constant state
of doubt)

it’s not that i don’t respect women
in fact, i respect them more
i mean – we’re right
nothing is known
not ourselves
not the world
not each other
it’s just scarier to live with the actual Truth
and a lot less sexy
like
if the male gaze is about objectification
and pretending things are
what you say they are
the female gaze is just a bunch of women in a circle
looking down at our hands
realizing everything we’ve held
has turned to straw

The Friday Poem is brought to you by Nevermore Bookshop, home of kooky, spooky romance novels and special edition book boxes. Visit Nevermore Bookshop today.

The Friday Poem is edited by Hera Lindsay Bird. Submissions are now open. Please send up to three poems in a PDF or Word document to fridaypoem@thespinoff.co.nz

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a woman (Rebecca Gibney) and man (Harry McNaughton) sit awkwardly on an orange couch
Rebecca Gibney and Harry McNaughton star in Happiness (Photo: Three)

Pop CultureApril 4, 2025

Review: New Zealand’s first musical sitcom Happiness hums with charm and joy

a woman (Rebecca Gibney) and man (Harry McNaughton) sit awkwardly on an orange couch
Rebecca Gibney and Harry McNaughton star in Happiness (Photo: Three)

Three’s new local comedy is definitely not the same old song and dance, writes Tara Ward.

This is an excerpt from our weekly pop culture newsletter Rec Room. Sign up here.

Charlie Summers has barely set foot on New Zealand soil before the flash mob begins. As he glides down the escalator at Tauranga Airport, a Backstreet Boys cover song bursts out across the room and a crowd of airport employees suddenly break into song. “Oh my god, he’s back again,” they sing to Charlie, as the weary traveller is grabbed and spun across the floor. Men in fluoro safety vests waggle their fingers to the beat and a woman drapes herself across a suitcase trolley, singing “is he sexuuuallll?” (“yeaaah”). As Charlie is lifted up into the air, a colourful flurry of ticker tape falls dramatically from the roof and the group sings a euphoric “Charlie’s back, alright!”

It’s bonkers, it’s bizarre, it’s…Tauranga? Welcome home, Charlie.

The opening moments of Three’s new series Happiness reveal that this local sitcom is not the same old song and dance. Created by actor-writer Kip Chapman (Hudson and Halls) and composer Luke Di Somma (That Bloody Woman, The Unruly Tourists), Happiness is New Zealand’s first ever musical comedy television series. It tells the story of Charlie (Harry McNaughton), a Broadway director who’s forced to return to his home town of Tauranga, where he reluctantly becomes involved in the local amateur theatre society.

Charlie certainly hasn’t come back to Aotearoa to find happiness. He’s only home to sort out his visa, and intends on staying in Tauranga for just two days. But a series of mysterious events in New York (he’s been sacked as the director of Cats and was somehow involved in the breaking of Sally Field’s arm) mean Charlie’s visa is suddenly cancelled. Charlie’s horrified, but it’s music to his devoted mother Gaye’s (Rebeccca Gibney) ears. As the president of Pizazz Amateur Musical Theatre Society, she could really do with the expertise of her famous director son.

But Pizazz is the last place Charlie wants to be. He’s haunted by some tragic Peter Pan-related ghosts from his theatrical past, and there’s some unspoken, long-standing tension with company director Adrian (Peter Hambleton). While suffering through auditions for the upcoming musical The Trojan Horse, Charlie learns that to get his visa reinstated, he’ll need to prove he holds a critical role in an organisation with a distinguished reputation in his field. “This is Tauranga!” Charlie cries. “How the hell am I meant to do that?”

There’s only one answer, and it involves a local real estate agent belting out “won’t you be my Troy boy/not some typical toy boy/what could possibly go wrong?”

Charlie (Harry McNaughton) discovers Tauranga does indeed have 5G (Photo: Three)

This fun and ambitious new series is a cross between Schitt’s Creek and Glee, with a cast of quirky, affectionate characters who would also be right at home in small-town Brokenwood. Happiness is a show within a show and the mix of comedy and song works well, thanks to the punchy, upbeat original music and lyrics from DiSomma, which had me humming long after the episode credits had rolled.

Even if you’re not into musical theatre, the dialogue is snappy and the uptight Charlie is surrounded by a vibrant ensemble cast, who are just as passionate about Tauranga as they are about song and dance. Speaking of Tauranga – it’s always refreshing to see a local TV series set outside of Auckland, but is it a bit of a stretch to suggest New Zealand’s fifth biggest city is a backward small town? (“There’s visa experts in Tauranga?” an astonished Charlie asks his mother at one point. “Yes darling, it’s not Masterton,” Gaye replies.)

You can see where Happiness is headed from the beginning, but that predictability doesn’t lessen the show’s charm. It’s a fair bet that Charlie will eventually be won over by the irrepressible charms of Tauranga and The Trojan Horse will have a triumphant run, no matter what disasters befall it along the way. Happiness is a show filled with joy and energy, and as the cast comes together to sing ‘The Long Way Home’ at the end of episode one, we’re left in no doubt that Charlie will discover that happiness lies closer to home than he first thought.

Happiness screens on Three on Thursdays at 8pm and streams on ThreeNow