For the majority of us that aren’t professional DJs, the biggest set of our lives comes after we die. How do you choose the perfect song?

You can spend your whole life commandeering the stereo at parties, burning unsolicited mix CDs and plastering your Spotify Wrapped all over social media, but you will never have a more captive audience for your musical taste than at your own funeral. It is, in more ways than one, the ultimate DJ gig.

A modern funeral service typically involves a handful of song opportunities. You’ve got entrance music, exit music, probably some kind of slideshow and possibly a singalong of some description. How do you whittle a lifetime of musical exploration down to such a smattering of songs?

If you’re religious or come from a singing culture, some of this will be made easier by collective singing. But the entrance, slideshow and exit songs are still yours to own. And own them you will, whether you like it or not. In your mourners’ minds, you and your funeral song will be forever linked, like Kate Bush and Stranger Things.

On paper it’s not that difficult: just choose your favourite songs. But what if your favourite song is ‘Erotic City’ by Prince? One of the most important skills for a DJ is the ability to “read the room”, and while you can’t read the room when you’re dead, you can be pretty sure the vibe at your funeral isn’t going to be “insanely horny”. 

Think about the people who’ll be at your funeral. How will they be feeling? How do you want them to feel? 

Presumably most people will be feeling somewhere in the emotional vicinity of “sad”. While it might seem like a psycho move to choose a song likely to make them even sadder, it is important to let people sit with their feelings – some may say that is what funerals are for. In a way you’re doing everyone a favour. 

At the other end of the spectrum, it might seem funny now to imagine your six best friends from high school dancing your coffin out of the funeral home to ‘Gangnam Style’, but how confident are you that it’ll hit the right note on the day? Worse than leaving your loved ones to guess what song you’d want played at your funeral is forcing them to feel guilty about vetoing your joke idea. 

Maybe you actually have too many songs you want played. In that case, the pre-funeral playlist really helps. That thing can be as long as you like and can simply play well before people arrive. If people are ever going to be early to something, it’s a funeral. So you’ve got a captive audience for a good 15 minutes. Time to play those sad indie songs you sent to your friends back in 2007 that you just know they didn’t listen to. 

As for the key in-service numbers, there are some funeral classics – ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’, ‘Hallelujah’, ‘Ave Maria’ – that are safe bets, but turns out any song that is about emotions (pretty much every song?) can be made to work at a funeral if it feels right for the person. In fact, a song that is otherwise quite upbeat can still be emotional at a funeral (‘Someday We’ll Be Together’ by Diana Ross and the Supremes is a near perfect combination of sad lyrics + boppy track.)

 

Sadly, most people don’t think about funeral songs at all. In a callout to 30+ office mates here at The Spinoff, only a handful responded with their song of choice. The rest, we suppose, will leave it in god’s hands (and by god, we mean the relative who’s given the task of music the day before the funeral). 

So what songs do you want played at your funeral? There are no wrong answers – just many, many questions. 

Anna: ‘Goodbye Stranger’ by Supertramp

“I dream of experiencing a Soul Train line in my lifetime but it will only happen when I’m dead. I wanted it at our wedding but it’s apparently about a man leaving two prostitutes in the morning so it was vetoed.”

Alice: ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Kate Bush

“1) It would give mourners a heads up that my ghost will likely be appearing at their window in the near future and 2) I like the idea of my funeral turning into a flash mob of red-dress-clad dancing Bush devotees.”

Kim: ‘Live Like You Were Dying’ by Tim McGraw

“Love me a bit of country.”

Sam: ‘Fairytale of New York’ by The Pogues and Kirsty McColl

“Honestly, because it was the song played at my mum’s funeral and it’s so damn incongruous and weird at a funeral. At my mum’s funeral, it completely jilted everybody out of crying and instead made us go, ‘Oh, that’s Kathie’s favourite song.’ I want the same experience at my funeral, but also to give people a song they’ll probably hear every St Patrick’s Day (and Christmas) and think of me, even though it’s not your average funeral or average sad song.”

Archi: ‘Motion Picture Soundtrack’ by Radiohead

“I decided this when I was an angsty teen and haven’t thought about it since. Plus the long version is a good length for a slideshow.”

Mad: ‘Heaven (Live)’ by Talking Heads

“I kind of hate how on the nose this one is but it’s just a really nice song that I’ve listened to a lot and what they describe is genuinely what I hope the afterlife is.”

All week long The Spinoff will be opening up about the end. Click here to read more of our Death Week content.