In another week of CTI drama, one celebrity made the biggest play of the game by… leaving? Tara Ward power ranks.
It’s day 18 on the beach of dreams, and at last, the teams have merged. Kuaka and Mangō are no more, and now there is just one tribe of grubby celebrities doing whatever they can to raise money for charity. This week we farewelled some big players, ate some Big Macs and watched alliances become so entangled that the celebs could have knitted the words “uh-oh” out of their own regret. Like a tray of cold McDonalds being hoovered down by a bunch of starving famous people, let’s get stuck into the rankings.
Eliminated: Melodie Robinson
It was just like the time on CTI 2019 when Gary Freeman could have saved Matty McLean but all he gave him was his hat. Melodie was the biggest threat of the game, a physical beast and tactically sharp, but she was eliminated after Courtenay decided not to use the mercy card to save her. Joel won the challenge, Melodie was sent home, and Matty McLean still doesn’t have to prove himself to Barbara Kendall.
Eliminated: Perlina Lau
One minute you’re flying under the radar, the next your dreams of winning CTI are merely puzzle pieces lying in the sand. Sweet Perlina is gone, but never forgotten.
Self-eliminated: Karen O’Leary
In the moment when Siobhan’s cunning plan to eliminate a strong player came to fruition, Karen suddenly sacrificed her place in the game to keep Courtenay in it. Earlier in the week, an angry Courtenay had given Karen the silent treatment, but now she was speechless for another reason. Ironically, Karen volunteering as tribute might be the biggest power move of the entire season. Goodbye Karen O’Leary, may the ghosts of CTI no longer haunt you.
8. Dr Joel Rindelaub
Everyone wants Joel gone, but he’s still hooning down the CTI slip ‘n slide of life, covered in dishwashing liquid and shouting intellectual things like “force equals mass times acceleration” and “I lube myself up and get ready to go”. Tattoo one of those quotes across your heart, up to you which one.
7. Dame Susan Devoy
An uncharacteristically quiet week for Suzy D, who hitched her wagon to the CTI drama train and massaged her way through the chaos. But what happens when The Dame runs out of shoulders to knead? Then the only thing left to massage will be destiny itself, which is all knots and sinew. I’m worried this won’t end well.
6. Cam Mansel
An exciting week for Cam, who roleplayed being a flight attendant, won the slip ‘n slide charity challenge and then made love with his eyes to a 10-pack of chicken nuggets. Whatever happens in this twisted game some call “life”, may we all find someone who looks at us the way Cam looks at this cute lil nuggie.
5. Ron Cribb
Ron’s alliance with Courtenay grew shakier after Melodie left, and the poor bloke was confused when Courtenay pretended to cry to convince the rest of Mangō to put Joel up to elimination. Maybe Ron doesn’t need the alliance, because he’s winning challenges so hard that he has to use his face to stop himself. You never see that on Dancing with the Stars.
4. Elvis Lopeti
He’s back with his beloved “Nana Susan” and is guaranteed to lark it up in a challenge, but Elvis is playing a tricky, tricky game. He hasn’t forgotten Courtenay lied about protecting him from nomination, and he knew she was faking the voting ceremony that put Joel up for elimination. Elvis knows exactly what’s going on. Elvis is watching. Elvis is watching you, too. You’ve been warned.
3. Courtenay Louise
Courtenay should have been eliminated, gone like Ron’s guts after he ate that paua pie too quickly last week. But she’s still here, pulling strings and pretend crying and real crying, maybe, scrambling to survive a storm of emotions and alliances. We can only respect Courtenay’s gameplay, mostly because she managed to keep these white pants absolutely spotless for three weeks on the beach. A hero for the ages.
2. Siobhan Marshall
All hail the puzzle queen, currently sitting on a throne of Big Macs and chicken nuggets. Siobhan slayed the memory challenge that won her heaps of McDonalds, and ruthlessly put two strong players up for elimination. Then Karen put her spoke in Siobhan’s wheel and now Ron and Courtenay will be thirsty for revenge, and what can a humble puzzle queen do about that? Very little, unless next week is just one long game of Uno. We live in hope.
1. Jesse Tuke
Look, this is getting ridiculous. Jesse has so much power pulsing through his perfect veins that he can do a sad version of the worm and still win money for charity. It’s further proof that Jesse is King Worm and the rest of us are just greasy slugs floundering on life’s limp lettuce leaf, as His Royal Highness juggles his three million alliances and prepares to play everyone against each other until the bitter end. Worms are smart, until they get stuck in a puddle, and then they’re screwed. Is it raining? You decide.
Celebrity Treasure Island screens Monday-Wednesday at 7.30pm on TVNZ 2 and streams on TVNZ+.