Tara Ward power ranks this week’s drama as our castaways inch closer to winning $50,000 for their chosen charity.
Welcome back to the beach of dreams, where two tall men with long arms continue to dominate everything. It’s the penultimate week of Fans v Faves, and Lance Savali and Art Green have continued their golden run into the final six. This week they schemed and plotted to avoid elimination, and Art Green even faked a stomach bug to trick Matty McLean into letting him compete in a challenge. Diarrhoea for the win.
Annoyingly, it seems like a certainty that this sneaky duo will reach the final, so the big questions now are who else will join them, and why did Treasure Island save the puzzle challenges until the second-to-last week of this silly little game? The truth may be buried deeper than the treasure, so let’s roll into the rankings.
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ELIMINATED: Joe Cotton
Joe may not have won, but she quietly delivered more memorable moments than anyone else on this godforsaken beach. She gave us Harley Quinn, she turned Matty McLean into a pirate, and she called Wardie “a Magoo” after he fingered her coconut water and then spilt it into her lap. Joe was the first to point out the unfairness of all the physical challenges this season, and she won’t be the last to use snoring as a strategy. Simply an angel in winged eyeliner.
ELIMINATED: Alex King
Alex was on borrowed time after surviving last week’s elimination, but she didn’t go down without a fight. She was the only castaway smart enough to put Art Green up for elimination this week, but sadly, she could not tell whether Lana Searle really did have an ornament of a sunbathing man in a ladle hiding inside her box, and she was sent home. A cruel twist of fate, for both Alex and ladles.
6. Lana Searle
A frustrating week for our Lana, who nearly won immunity but was thwarted by the lads, lads, lads. She also won an advantage that turned out not to be an advantage at all, which seems about as fair as a late gust of wind blowing over a tower of wooden whales. Still, at least Alex bequeathed her stone to Lana, so that Lana has one rock to do… something with, at… some point in the game? Rock on, Lana Searle.
5. Matty McLean
Poor old Matty had a shocker of a week, but who doesn’t need a hug when everything turns a bit shit? Who can’t relate to having a sob on the sand when you’re missing home, and who wouldn’t be upset if you were promised two weeks on a beautiful tropical island but you ended up building 3D triangles in the pissing rain? Listen, if Christina Aguilera can cry on The Voice then Matty McLean can cry on The Island and that’s all there is to say about that.
4. Dave Ward
He’s the last fan standing, and he used the power he gained in the immunity face-off to eliminate… Joe Cotton? Good luck out there, Wardie.
3. Dame Susan Devoy
Aunty Susan has three stones, one alliance and no game plan, other than tickling Art Green into submission. She started the week being medevaccced out of camp, only to return to the open arms of her teammates and a whole lot of dishes. This was an outrageous turn of events. Dames should not have to do dishes, you guys.
2. Lance Savali
Has Lance made a wrong move all season? Apparently not. The game’s slipperiest competitor continued his mad slide to the finish, winning immunity face-offs and charity challenges and finding powerful stones right under his competition’s noses. With his BFF Art winning the power to pair up the remaining six contestants for next week’s grand finale, it seems that Lance Savali is just a man, sunbathing in Art Green’s ladle, asking $50,000 to love him.
1. Art Green
Won nearly everything this week, will no doubt win the game. We may as well all start clapping with one hand now.
Treasure Island: Fans v Faves screens Monday-Wednesday at 7.30pm on TVNZ2 and streams on TVNZ+.
Follow our reality TV podcast The Real Pod on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or your favourite podcast app.