Matty McLean is melting, everyone is crying and someone has stolen Dame Susan’s rock. Alex Casey and Tara Ward react to the dramatic teaser for Treasure Island: Fans v Faves.
Break out the ice cold fizz, cover your face in zinc and heat up the rice and beans, because a new supertease for Treasure Island: Fans v Faves just dropped and it is GOOD. This season, eight fan favourites from previous Celebrity Treasure Island seasons and eight superfans of the game will travel to Fiji to win $50,000 for their chosen charity, and the teaser assures us it’s the most “unhinged” season yet.
This sneak peak promises a season stuffed with shocks, scandals and surprises, but there’s also some mystical rocks, a spicy noodle and a whole lot of blue lipstick. Let’s dive straight into the Fans v Faves sticky mud pool of drama and bathe among ten of the best moments from the teaser.
1. Matty McLean meltdown 2.0
Poor old Matty McLean looks to be trapped in a monolith of his own emotions again, with the ghost of Barbara Kendall’s approval still echoing through the jungle. First he’s full of bluster and bravado (“I’M MATTY MCLEAN DON’T MESS WITH ME I’M COMING FOR YOU!”), then he’s in tears, then he collapses unconscious into Bree Tomasel’s arms. Did someone indeed mess with Matty, despite him explicitly saying he was coming for them? Do we need to come for them on your behalf, Matty? Grab the tissues, this could get messy. / Tara Ward
2. Pōtae paradise
We take our top hats off to the incredible range of pōtae on offer in this upcoming season. Special mention to our own Jane Yee who can be seen rocking an extremely limited edition Real Pod corn cap (1/3 ever made) in the arrivals boat, only to be seen later wearing a hat that really, really, really resembles Chris Parker’s iconic pink Juan Bullion number from the 2021 CTI season. Also respect to Josh Oakley (son of Devoy) for this accidental bridal look:
Married to the game? We’ll find out soon enough. Final mention goes Dave for this masterstroke:
The saddest cowboy to ever grace this island or any island? Sources say: yes. / Alex Casey
3. Funky bunks
“How good?!” Dave asks here, and he can only be talking about the fact there’s bloody BUNKS in the huts. This season’s accommodation is a five star glow up from previous years, and those high beds are sure to be a rustic metaphor for power and influence. We’re calling it now: whoever wins will have slept in the top bunk. At some point in their life. Maybe when they were eight. Sweet dreams. / TW
4. The fans are fanning the flames of drama
The most memorable quote of the teaser goes to Anna, who does not mince her words when interrupted by Josh. “WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH TALKING” she asserts, karate chopping with her hand for emphasis. “Are you my mother?!” Josh barbs back. Hate to be the one to drop this bombshell in such a public forum Josh, but not only is your mother actually Dame Susan Devoy, she also appears to be appearing on this very television show. / AC
5. Katie is a spicy noodle
Nothing to see here, just Katie bending and flexing like she’s one of those inflatable tube people in front of a used car yard while announcing to the nation that “there’s a spicy noodle going through me.” I can’t be the only one doing The Spicy Noodle™ ever since this supertease dropped, and thanks to this deliciously bonkers moment, we hereby declare 2023 the year of the spi-say nood-lay. / TW
6. Trend forecast: blue lipstick
First came Bebe Rexha and David Guetta breathing new life into Eiffel 65’s enduring blue-based anthem. Then came Avatar 2: The Way of Water with the most blue ever committed to screen. Now, based on the above evidence, blue is making its way to our lips. You heard it here first! Run don’t walk to your nearest Blu-Tak supplier and get pouting. / AC
7. More physical challenges than EVER
It’s exhausting enough watching this teaser 900 times in a row, so imagine how physically taxing it is to actually do these terrifying challenges. This season makes The Krypton Factor look like child’s play, but look at Dame Susan Devoy trying to scare a big pole by yelling at it. It made me so frightened, I’m now a spicy noodle without my spice. / TW
8. Magical stones????
Last year we had an almighty mysterious monolith, this year it appears the game will be littered with shiny jet black magical stones. “The powers of the stone will be revealed in time,” utters Art Green. “Who took my rock!” screams Dame Susan. “Put my rock back!” Grown ass adults and former Race Relations Commissioners squabbling over gems that you can get from The Crystal Ball in Thames for about $5 a pop? This is what I want from television in 2023. / AC
9. A shocking amount of shocked faces
Lana, Matty, Alex and Adam are all seen in the teaser with mouths and eyes agape, all seemingly at various moments in the competition. What could possibly be shocking all these contestants so consistently? Intruders? Aliens? The arrival of yet another pristine Look Sharp cowboy hat from Dave? We have many questions and not a lot of answers. / AC
10. This unknown castaway screaming “WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOO????” into the long, dark night while wearing a TrueBliss T-shirt
What ARE we going to do, Aotearoa? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DOOOOO???
Treasure Island: Fans v Faves premieres on Monday 30 January at 7.30pm on TVNZ2 and streams on TVNZ+.