Dates can still be fun without a romantic connection, but only with clear communication, writes this week’s dater.
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Age: 39
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Straight (sigh)
Ethnicity: European
Religion: Agnostic
Occupation: Government worker bee
My living location is: Wellington
The apps I’m on: Hinge, Bumble, Tinder
I’m looking for: A fully fledged life partner – a best friend that I want to hook up with. We’re each other’s first call – for good or bad news. Someone to navigate life and this world with. Someone open to new ideas, experiences and is excited about the world. They can be vulnerable, talk through the hard stuff and can be sensitive and understanding.
Mostly I’m finding: Ghosting. So much ghosting.
My last serious relationship was: Nine years and it ended because of their addiction issues.
The worst date I ever had: Honestly in recent times they’ve all been pleasant. Nice guys and nice chats.
The best date I ever had: Ended up being five hours long with multiple meals, walks and a swim.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Hopefully nothing too bad! It used to be getting another drink when I was not enjoying myself. Now I make a polite excuse and leave.
The best thing a date ever did for me: Letting me know if they had fun and want to (or not) go on another date. I’ve had really fun dates with guys with no romantic connection on their side and the clear communication has been great.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Telling a story about their drink driving incident. And not a cautionary tale from their youth. It was a few months ago.
On a date I usually wear: For a first date, whatever I wore to work. Usually a corporatey work dress.
I have sex when: I feel safe. Psychologically and physically. And we’ve talked about recent testing.
I wish dating was: More in person. The apps are just the worst.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: 50:50 for the first few dates. I don’t get why one person or one gender should pick up the tab. Also try to keep the first dates low/no cost to help. After getting to know someone better including their financial situation you can talk about who pays. I’m happy to pay for an expensive date if that’s what I’d really love to do and I’m happy to be paid for, if they want to take me somewhere out of my price range.
Three words that describe my dream date: Fun, meaningful and a teeny bit flirty!
My dating advice is: Dating is similar to job, flat and house hunting. The effort and energy you put in doesnt always match what you’re receiving.
Be kind to yourself. Take breaks when you need them. Get some solid hype folk for a pick-me-up when you are feeling a bit battered. Share and swap stories with a friend who is dating, it’s so much more fun!
Put effort into non dating areas of your life. Existing relationships, hobbies, community etc. A fulfilling life doesn’t have to revolve around romantic love.
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