‘When I was travelling I met a woman and we had a really good connection over two dates. That was three years ago, but she has always stuck in my mind. Sad huh?’

Want to be part of Dating Files? Fill out the questionnaire here.

Age: 44

Gender: Cis man

Sexuality: Hetero

Ethnicity: Mixed

Religion: Atheist

Occupation: High school teacher

My living location is: Auckland

The apps I’m on: Bumble

I’m looking for: Liberal, interested in indie film, alt music, art or anything creative. I don’t want a clone but want to be with someone who enjoys some of the things I am currently doing by myself. I like the gym so it would be cool to find someone to workout with too. Someone who has their life reasonably together.

Mostly I’m finding: I usually get one or two matches a month. It leads to talking, maybe a date and then radio silence and sometimes they will message to say they’re not into me. I used solo shows, gallery openings, movies a lot etc but it’s so hard being doing it on your own. Think the lyrics of ‘How soon is now’.

My last serious relationship was: Ten years ago and lasted three years, ended due to my immaturity and different life goals. Since then the longest lasted five months. She was a nice caring person but that ended because we had very little in common. That ended two years ago.

The worst date I ever had: Never had a terrible date, I had one recently where she spoke very softly and had quite a strong accent and I could barely understand her. It was very awkward just nodding along. 

The best date I ever had: When I was travelling I met a woman and we had a really good connection over two dates. We stayed in touch for a while and lost contact. She liked a bunch of things I liked and she was just really funny and seemed like she was really caring. That was three years ago, but she has always stuck in my mind. Sad huh?

The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: I mixed up the time of a date and she texted me to find out where I was. She was very upset thinking I stood her up. I felt really bad and was on a bus so couldn’t just drive to the cafe. Not a date but there was this woman who worked at a shop I used to go into and I asked her if she wanted to get a coffee. She went bright red, stammered that she had a boyfriend and it was so awkward. I stopped going to that store.

The best thing a date ever did for me: Last year, one gave me a recommendation for a film I really loved.

The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: I don’t really think there have any been any major red flags. One time I had a date on their phone while we were talking which was a wee bit annoying.

On a date I usually wear: Depends on what we are doing, if it’s a 2nd or 3rd date I will pull out the cool op shop finds in the wardrobe but on a coffee catch up, it’s usually something I’m comfortable in but still expresses my style. 

I have sex when: There’s no set time. It usually happens organically. The first kiss to me is always the thing that makes me nervous.

I wish dating was: Not using the apps. The traditional way meeting people seems to be gone. All my friends are married and so are all their friends seemingly. I’ve done so many speed dating events it’s not funny. I just wish we could meet more organically at events or in spaces. When I’ve been overseas it’s so much more acceptable to talk to strangers, not just for dating but just for having the sake of conversation. I find the apps categorise people and I think it makes it hard to see the woods from the trees. 

This is what I think about who pays on dates: I don’t mind paying but if we are going out for a drink, I like the “you buy one, I buy one”. 

Three words that describe my dream date: Fun, interesting and cute. 

My dating advice is: Be yourself, take risks to tell someone you like them and be open minded. Something a friend told me though, being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world, it’s feeling alone in a relationship. It does put things into perspective when I’m dining for one. 

Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.