‘I expect my relationship to last until: I lose my shit and throw him out.’
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Age: 53
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Bi-sexual
Ethnicity: NZ Māori/European
Religion: None, however juju is a thing
Occupation: Practice Manager
Length of relationship: Eight years
Children: 1 his, 1 mine, 12 chooks
How we met: He asked me for my number when I filled up at Mobil – he worked there.
The best thing about my relationship: No violence.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: Communication that doesn’t result in frustration and arguments.
This is how we share/separate our finances: He basically does not work so I pay for everything.
This is how we split chores and childcare: I do dishes and laundry, he will start to fix broken things then stop, I hire a cleaner weekly.
Our sex life in three words: Dead, buried, deceased.
The thing that makes me a good partner: My ability to compartmentalise and sweep things under the carpet. I am thoughtful and generous.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Create and maintain boundaries. I need to become someone who sets requirements that I think will make the relationship efforts more even – so that I no longer feel like there’s a grown man living in my basement playing video games all day who hasn’t had a job in seven years.
What I most appreciate in my partner: When my mum died suddenly, he was kind and would hold me until I stopped crying. He is a wonderful baker and he is very clever at figuring out how things work.
What I most resent in my relationship: I resent him for quitting his job just before he moved in with me, and never bothering to find work/repair his car/leaving all of the responsibilities on my shoulders. I resent the fact that he is constantly playing video games while I work two jobs.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: It sounds so negative when I write it out, but the thing that has changed the most in my relationship is that I genuinely feel like I’m with someone who cannot change and is happy to keep the status quo. I am not. I want a healthy relationship.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We have not shared a bed in five years.
Our last big fight was about: I asked a tradesman to come back to check over some work that my partner said was not up to scratch, and then my partner refused to explain to the tradesman what the issues were – it got so heated that the tradesman told him to stop talking to me like he was.
If I hadn’t met my partner: I think I would have been mentally healthier and in a better place to have a healthy relationship. I had very recently split from a very toxic and violent relationship and moved towns. I think I was vulnerable because I was not used to kindness.
I expect my relationship to last until: I lose my shit and throw him out.
My relationship advice is: Don’t let someone take advantage of you. Know your worth. Reciprocity is crucial.
