We asked the so-called celebrities the only question Facebook commenters want to know: WHO???
It is a proud New Zealand tradition that every reality TV casting announcement posted on Facebook must be followed by 300 people called Barry who have a car as their profile picture commenting “WHO?” And “WHO CARES?” And boy have they come through for this year’s Celebrity Treasure Island cast announcements.
Here at The Spinoff, we heard Barry’s cries, his confusion, his rage. So when we were given the chance to meet the cast of Celebrity Treasure Island 2022 at their secluded North Island location, we were determined to ask them the hard questions that you, the furious people of Facebook, want to know: WHO???? and WHO CARES?????
Who: Former radio host for Mai FM, actress and musician. OK, and she’s also Mike King’s daughter.
…. WHO??? “Look, compared to my Dad I am a Z-list celebrity. He’s actually famous. I get it. On the show they will probably pan to me and be like ‘who is this random little brown girl’? My name key is probably going to have to be: Alex King, 24, Mike King’s daughter.”
Who: Host of the ZM Late Show and sea monkey content creator.
…. WHO??? “Literally everyone is going to say ‘who’ at me. I would just have to say you may not know me now, but hopefully throughout the show you get to know me and I can provide you a little bit of entertainment.” And possibly sea monkeys.
Who: Entrepreneur, mentor and notorious indoor hat wearer on The Apprentice Aotearoa.
…. WHO??? “Who are you? John Doe? Just enjoy the ride because we are just a whole bunch of people just like you, except we aren’t all chatting on Facebook.”
Who: An actor best known for playing nosy Shortland Street PA Monique Strutter.
…. WHO??? Okay, we did forget to ask her this question but she did say “I suck at social media” and until very recently had a private Instagram which seems odd for a Shortland Street star, so she probably won’t see Barry’s comments anyway.
Who: Olympic trampolinist, competed in Tokyo 2020 and won a bronze medal.
…. WHO??? Remind me, how many Olympic medals have you won?
Who: Actor, best known for starring roles in Vegas, Mahana and The Legend of Baron To’a.
…. WHO??? Oh sorry Barry, I forgot the biggest credit – he was ranked third in The Spinoff’s ranking of every single contestant on Come Dine With Me NZ in 2015.
Who: Royal Family dancer, TikTok sensation, bestie of CTI finalist Lance Savali.
…. WHO??? Don’t worry Barry, Elvis has already got a plan of attack for you. “I’m going to lie to everyone and tell them that I am a famous rugby player, a hooker, gold medallist, World Cup, everything. Then they will get really confused and start arguing with themselves.”
…. WHO??? “I plan to just join all those people in the comments saying ‘guy montgomery sucks’.” Spoiler alert, he did something even more elaborate.
Who: Entrepreneur and star of reality show Boss Babes with last year’s CTI finalist Edna Swart.
…. WHO??? “I have dealt with a lot of this over the past four years anyway,” Liu sighed when asked about Barry. “I don’t really read the comments anymore. I wouldn’t say anything to people like that.”
Who: Sports commentator and the brother of elite sailor Blair Tuke.
…. WHO??? Sorry Barry, and your brother is who? Robin? Gibb? OK, you are quite famous then. Thank you for reading The Spinoff.
Dr Joel Rindelaub
Who: Science superstar and mullet-haver.
…. WHO??? “I know I am D-List, it’s like I did Late Night Big Breakfast once and now I am in this show where I am allegedly a celebrity. They told me on the phone that they wanted A-listers and I was like ‘what? do we even have A-listers?’” Science is on your side, Barry.
Who: Early childhood teacher, musician, comedian and star of Wellington Paranormal.
…. WHO??? Have you really not seen What We Do In The Shadows, Baz? For shame.
Who: Best known for playing iconic 90s Shortland Street character Grace Kwan and doing an emergency tracheotomy with a biro.
…. WHO??? “Look, Barry, you come up and give it a shot. You do all these challenges on national television and see how you feel.”
Who: Former Black Fern, winner of two World Cups, sports journalist, TV presenter and chosen in 2019 to be replicated as Mattel’s first Māori barbie. You OK there Barry?
WHO CARES?!? “Life is too short, it is for living! This is a huge amount of fun and we’ve had a pretty tough time over the last few years, so this is about leaving all this shit behind.”
Who: Comedian turned mental health advocate and 2019 New Zealander of the Year.
WHO??? King had a more generous approach to Barry: “Good for you. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, you know? I used to be that guy.”
Who: Actor and broadcaster, best known for Flat3, Friday Night Bites and Creamerie.
… WHO??? Have you seen Creamerie yet? You should really watch Creamerie.
Who: Former All Black, star of Three’s Match Fit.
… WHO??? “There’s always those people,” Cribb mused. “But I’m not doing anything other than trying to help and doing positive things.” Suddenly, things turned violent: “Also, I am trained to destroy people so what are you doing coming for me? Silly.”
Who: Actor and comedian, best known as one of the original members of The Naked Samoans and star of Shortland Street and Sione’s Wedding.
WHO CARES?!? Lelisi had a thoughtful response to those who poo-poo reality TV shows like Celebrity Treasure Island. “It really is such a diverse mix of people so you do get a bit of a reflection of our society – I really do think it is a bit of a commentary on where we are at as a people. Also, all these people are watching but they just pretend that they don’t.”
Who: Best known for playing Pascalle West in Outrageous Fortune, as well as roles on Shortland Street, The Almighty Johnsons and The Blue Rose and coming third in Dancing With the Stars 2015.
… WHO??? “Oh, I don’t notice those people. I just don’t look at it, I’ve learned over the years to not care about that stuff, it’s just not worth it.”
Te Kohe Tuhaka
Who: Actor and producer, known for roles in The Deadlands, The Kick and Shortland Street.
… WHO??? Sorry Barry, how many times have you played Jerome Kaino in a feature film?
Dame Susan Devoy
Who: Four-time squash world champion, former Race Relations Commissioner.
… WHO??? Barry, no.
Celebrity Treasure Island is coming “soon” to TVNZ2