After three long months, Dancing with the Stars is over, and we’ve got a winner.

Pop CultureJune 16, 2019

Dancing with the Stars finale: And the winner is…

Contributing writer

After three long months, Dancing with the Stars is over, and we’ve got a winner.

Our three month celebrity charity journey is over! Sam Brooks power-ranks the finale of Dancing with The Stars.

Can I just say what an honestly strange event the last episode of this kind of reality show is? It’s one hour and 59 minutes of edging, with as much padding and promotion for the network’s upcoming big shows (The Block, Westhouse or Fireside or whatever they’re called) as they can possibly shove in. The scores don’t matter, the judges might as well be spouting unconnected nouns and verbs, and we’re seeing dances we’ve already seen! I’m not saying I don’t enjoy it, but man it’s a weird ending – the only highlight really being the chance to see some judges doing some very good dancing.

Anyway, it’s been good to do these recaps again! See you here in 2020, if the dance studio isn’t underwater or on fire or whatever hellscape we’re going to be in in a year’s time! Climate emergency, you guys!

FOURTH PLACE: William Waiirua (and Amelia McGregor)

Oh, William. You were a wild card of a reality show contestant. I never knew what you were going to do or say, and I could rely on you to be a dancer who was fun to watch rather than a good dancer, necessarily. You brought joy to many! But alas, you’re fourth, this is the last power ranking and there’s other stuff to talk about.

Judge’s score: 29.

THIRD PLACE: Clinton Randell (and Brittany Cole)

This was genuinely shocking! Randell’s the only contestant never to be in the bottom two, and he scored consistently well, and the man is so damn likeable. If I was the kind of person who listened to morning radio, I would enjoy listening to Randell. But, as it is, I am not a fan of morning radio and I will likely never hear Randell’s voice again! These are the days of my life, if not yours.

If anything, it’s a good indicator that someone being in the public eye every day has a pretty good chance of doing well on this competition, especially if they’re inclined to be a good dancer anyway.

Judge’s score: 30.

SECOND PLACE: Laura Daniel (and Shae Mountain)

Look, the kindest thing I can say – and I truly mean this – is that Laura’s first dance made me consider ‘Iris’ not to be a total rooster crow of a song.

To get real, though. There’s a definite satisfaction in seeing Laura get to the finale, like a true completion of an underdog narrative arc. Even though Laura is a star in her own right, there’s something incredibly heartwarming about seeing someone who is clearly a huge fan of the show, and whose charity genuinely seems to mean so much to her, get this far. And not just because she wanted it, but because she’s very good.

Dreams can come true, y’all! And not just the scary ones where you lie in your bed for half an hour after you wake up wondering if that was real or not. I, personally, wish Laura won, but it’s hard to begrudge the actual winner…

Judge’s score: 30, 30.

WINNER: Manu Vatuvei (and Loryn Reynolds)

It’s been fun getting to know Vatuvei this season; I wasn’t super familiar with his turns as a cast member of Boost Mobile Warriors, and he seems like a fun guy with a laugh that lightens up the world.

And, honestly, there’s something to be said about seeing a league player win this competition – one of the things that Dancing with the Stars does well is put men in a place where the public can see them get emotional, be vulnerable and engage with an art form that is traditionally seen as feminine, and do so without being judged for it. (Except, you know, the part of the show where they judge him.)

Genuinely, the more we see men, men who the country idolise, do this, the better it is. There’s no doubt that narrative is what helped Manu get to the top of the competition, and that narrative shows that there’s value in silly competitions like this. Reality television can be a pox upon our souls, our houses, and our schedules, but putting a man on our screens a few hours a week and letting him (and not just him, but a range of men) be vulnerable has value. Normalising men having feelings and being vulnerable, as simple as it sounds, has value.

Kudos for the show, and particularly Sharyn Casey, for highlighting this as well. The more we get talking about men having feelings the better. God knows I’ve had enough of them writing these rankings. That’s all from me. See you in 2020!

Judge’s score: 29, 30. Oh also, he won.

Keep going!

The Handmaid’s Tale — “God Bless the Child” – Episode 304

Pop CultureJune 14, 2019

The Handmaid’s Tale recap: Make way for Aunt Lydia

Tara Ward

Staff writer

The Handmaid’s Tale — “God Bless the Child” – Episode 304

There ain’t no party like a Gilead party, as June enjoys a dedication, a mobility scooter and some poolside plotting in this week’s episode of The Handmaid’s Tale. Tara Ward recaps.

Say what you will about Gilead, but they bloody love a straight line. This week’s episode was a masterpiece of order and symmetry, as the good folk of our favourite dystopia came together to celebrate all the new babies. Nobody does ceremony better than Gilead, and every single shot of this week’s episode was choreographed to perfection, filled with muted colours and shadows and balance.

Especially this one:

Just when you thought Aunt Lydia couldn’t get any scarier, she’s now hooning around on a mobility scooter. While Aunt Lydia did donuts in the carpark (if only), June continued to seek people to be persuaded to “burn this shitplace to the ground”. Her main hope, Serena, was a Dedication no-show, but every other sucker in town endured the sight of the Commanders and their wives showing off the babies they’d stolen from other women. Praise be, under his eye, double thumbs up.

The celebration continued at the Dedication after-party, where the Handmaids were hidden away in the Putnam’s kitchen so as not to embarrass the regular people. As far as parties go, this one sucked. There were no karaoke or streakers, just a dry nightmare filled with Devilled Eggs (metaphors, ahoy) and Commanders having fun chats about how “smart girls are trouble”. Good times, thanks for coming.

Fred used the party as an opportunity to offload to June about the shithouse state of his marriage, while June struggled to understand her feelings for Fred. His beard did seem bushier than usual. Was that the confusing part? Either way, June can never trust a man who recommends devilled eggs as a delicious party snack, because that shit repeats for days. June should light that match ASAP, those eggs will bring the entire dystopia to its knees.

Our two favourite smart girls made trouble of their own in the Putnams’ pool room, where they shared a sneaky cigarette and debated their next move. June pushed Serena a little more with the knowledge Fred was open to change in his marriage. “Wear the dress, pull the strings,” she told Serena. “Also, make sure he trims his beard.” Might have imagined that last suggestion, but the sentiment is much the same.

There was also trouble in the living room, when Janine begged to become Ofwarren again so she could be closer to her daughter. Aunt Lydia was not impressed. Five minutes earlier she’d been bonding with Janine over a cup of tea and making affectionate claw gestures, but Janine’s impertinence unleashed the inner monster. The Commanders watched on silently as Aunt Lydia beat Janine, until June intervened by shielding Janine and screaming the forbidden word “no”.

Aunt Lydia went too far. She went further than that mobility scooter could ever take her.

Meanwhile in Canada, Emily reunited with wife Sylvia and son Oliver, and if you were hoping this would be the upbeat thread of the episode, please think again. Sylvia greeted Emily by saying “I’m so sorry I couldn’t find a space,” and I don’t think she just meant the lack of carparks. It was an awkward reunion full of unspoken pain and grief, and Oliver’s drawing of Emily as a superhero “fighting to get back home” made the tears flow. Mostly mine, and I am still worried about Emily’s cholesterol levels.

Even Nichole’s happy ending is in question, after Gilead somehow got their grubby paws on footage of Nichole and Luke attending a protest in Canada. The shit’s about to hit the dystopian fan again, which means June probably won’t be driving Aunt Lydia’s mobility scooter to Canada anytime soon. Or will she? Blessings, indeed.

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