Pop CultureNovember 30, 2017

Remember when Ryan Gosling came to NZ and made Young Hercules?

Staff writer

Tara Ward falls in crazy, stupid love with Young Hercules, the bizarre 90s classic made in New Zealand and starring a young Ryan Gosling.

Once upon a time, in a land far away called 1990s New Zealand, someone made the greatest television show in the history of the universe. Alas, I’m not talking about Face the Music (love you, Simon Barnett), but the glorious piece of performance art known as Young Hercules.

Young Hercules is the best history lesson you’ll ever have, as long as you don’t believe anything you see. The visual effects are incredible; lightning comes out of people’s fingertips, for crying out loud. This almost never happens in real life. Also, I bloody love TV shows that show me how to live my best life, and if that means winning a fight against a man wearing a sack on his head while you’re both standing at the top of a ladder, then count me in.

Ladder fighting and finger lightning is all good and well, but let’s not forget the best Young Hercules thing of all: Ryan flipping Gosling.

Ryan Gosling reached the peak of his acting career when he came to New Zealand to play the fresh-faced, nimble son of Zeus. Young Hercules is his best work, and no amount of Golden Globe Awards or Oscar nominations will convince me otherwise. Did anyone in La La Land do cartwheels over a rickety swing-bridge to save the life of a woman made of metal? No, they did not, and frankly the world is a poorer place for it.

Listen, if there was an award for ‘Best Young Superhero Who Wins A Rope Fight to Singlehandedly Abolish Slavery in Athens,’ then Ryan Gosling’s name would be scribed all over it. It does seem like a niche category, but who’s going to deny a bloke who just escaped from a bunch of angry centaurs? Not me, friends. Not me.

Young Hercules’ moves are faster than a pile of polystyrene rocks tumbling onto his evil half-brother, and more powerful than a baby monster spitting out green goo that combusts into flames. He rescues a drowning man who falls from the sky, he flies through the air while lassoing a giant phoenix, he helps send a giant into orbit. His hair is as shiny as his magical sword, and I am here for all 50 episodes of this magnificent masterpiece of timeless drama.

It might be the hypnotic music of the Bacchae, or maybe I’m just a saddo who enjoys sitting at home in her pyjamas and reminiscing about how good the ’90s were, but I’ve gathered together some of Ryan Gosling’s best Young Hercules moments for us to savour. Prepare to be as amazed as the time Hercules realised he was an evil presence trapped in a vortex of his own dream-world. You’re welcome.

The time he fought Strife while balancing on a pile of oversized furniture

The time he was a master of disguise

When he remained calm under a barrage of soggy lettuce leaves

Whatever the heck was going on here

When his super strong grip saved Lilith from being spiked to death

The time he trained with a pair of giant ear cleaners

When he won a fight using only a stale baguette and some purple grapes

The time he avoided death by cartwheeling over a swing-bridge

When he flew through the air trying to escape a giant bird’s claw

And finally, I’ve no idea what’s going on here but it’s bloody awesome

Keep going!

Pop CultureNovember 29, 2017

The time is right to bring back Clash of the Codes

Duncan Greive

Founder

Duncan Greive watches Australian Ninja Warrior and makes a serious pitch for the return of New Zealand’s own ’90s multi-sport extravaganza.

Australian Ninja Warrior already contains a number of ingredients which suggest a deeply problematic show: the co-option in name only of an ancient Japanese culture for reality TV; a blonde breakout star running in ‘budgie smugglers’ and just being Australian in general.

Yet that breakout star was Jack Wilson, a coiled spring of an indigenous Australian who ran in traditional first nations body paint and one of the more charismatic figures I’ve seen on TV this year.

As well as being the kind of inspirational story you’re instantly drawn to – he literally ran away from heavy drinking and drugs in his early twenties – he neatly displayed the appeal of the format. Ninja Warrior allows everyday people (and a smattering of athlete celebrities) the chance to shine on national television in a silly made-up sport which is also hardly less silly and made-up than our other sports.

The show has an interesting history both nationally and locally. It started life in Japan as Sasuke in the late ‘90s – a time when the bizarro competitive sports show was still a viable format. Gladiators was the biggest international version, a combination of professional wrestling and obstacle course which was a smash hit for much of the ‘90s.

When the likes of Survivor, Big Brother and The Bachelor arrived, the style seemed done, overtaken by the intensity and stakes of the new formats. And yet Sasuke became a cult hit, playing in dubbed edits all over the world.

Eventually, as with all things, the wind started to flag in the sails of the big reality franchises, and TV commissioners searched for fresh ground. An international version of Sasuke was commissioned, under the name American Ninja Warrior. This was a good but less gonzo version, and joined the Friday night lineup of the late C4 as the loveable misfit of a channel’s answer to sports.

Now, nearly a decade on, the Australian version arrives, and… it’s basically the same as the American one, but with Australian accents. Which is to say it’s pretty damn watchable – climbers, gymnasts, runners and the AFLers testing balance and brawn across a familiar course. It’s popular enough for Three to put it slap in the middle of primetime on a Wednesday – often a precursor to an international franchise getting a local run (assuming it can rate).

Over on TVNZ they’re getting in on the action too, with trans-Tasman collaboration Spartan confirmed for 2018. The series is a co-production with Channel 7 in Australia, and will draw on the large pool of talent from distinctly modern hybrid sports like Crossfit and MMA, each of which has become a global phenomenon through billing their competitors as, respectively, the fittest and the toughest people on earth.

Personally I’m yearning for a revival of our own ‘90s multi-sport show: Clash of the Codes. The show featured a variety of current and former household name athletes representing their own codes across a variety of unfamiliar challenges. Most, from memory, involved mud.

The show allowed you to root for whatever sport you most identified with, had flash athletes disgracing themselves in unfamiliar sports and had this thin veneer of ultra-competitiveness in its implicit judging of which sport made you fittest. Given that we have a renewal of interest in sports-centred shows and have dozens of former stars wandering round (fun fact: most own supermarkets) it seems the perfect time for a reboot.

Australian Ninja Warrior airs 7.30pm Wednesdays on Three

This content, like all television coverage we do at The Spinoff, is brought to you thanks to the excellent folk at Lightbox. Do us and yourself a favour by clicking here to start a FREE 30 day trial of this truly wonderful service.