Yesterday Marama Davidson said that the Greens-Labour negotiations had been lubricated by the introduction of Mallowpuffs in place of Krispies. Today the Green leaders emerged from negotiations with a tray of assorted biscuits, which may or may not be a concession granted to them in return for parliamentary confidence and supply. But which biscuits are the best to bring to a meeting in pursuit of a successful negotiation? The Spinoff asked a select group of New Zealand luminaries what might work best with them across the table.
Courtney Johnston
Gotta be Arnott’s Lemon Crisp. Salty and sweet, highly divisive, a biscuit you can have the tough conversations about, as well as with.
Courtney Johnston is CEO of Te Papa
Simon Bridges
While they may have got other things wrong in the negotiations, Labour-Greens unquestionably got the biscuit right. The classic Mallowpuff is the Rolls Royce of New Zealand biscuits. Toffee pops, chocolate fingers, squiggles, ginger nuts, krispies etc don’t even come close.
Simon Bridges is a former leader of the National Party
Christopher Luxon
Simple. Cassava Chips or the CookieTime Cookie. Both great conversation starters with your fellow passenger or alliance partner!
Christopher Luxon is a future leader of the National Party
Kim Dotcom
Every deal I made that was over a million $ had Snickers Mini on the table, unpacked and chilled in a fridge for 30 minutes before serving in an ancient golden crystal bowl that is LED lid at the bottom and plays an angelic harp sound every time someone is reaching for the bowl. Turns the mood of the meeting positive, more likely to close a deal ?
Kim Dotcom is the founder of Megaupload
Helen Clark
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macaron
Helen Clark is a former prime minister of New Zealand
Alison Mau
Big biscuit fan but controversially, can’t stand Mallowpuffs. Mint Slice would probably do it for me.. but if too fancy then ginger nuts or… squeeee.. chocolate digestives
As to why? Probably because I’d be distracted by the offerings and therefore less likely to be focus set on the small print ;)
Alison Mau is a journalist
Matthew Hooton
Griffins Chocolate Chit Chats: because they are the true chocolate lover’s biscuit, and are made by a New Zealand company (as opposed to the similar inferior Australian product).
Matthew Hooton is a PR guy
Kura Forrester
100% candy Squiggles, preferably refrigerated. Because they are delicious, fun, and unpretentious. Squiggles really lighten the mood and make everyone chill out, so negotiations end up just being like “sweet, have whatever you like”.
Kura Forrester is a comedian
Meng Foon
My favourite is krispies I love dunking, I love sweet, I use to dunk and eat the whole packet so good parekareka te sweet.
Meng Foon is the race relations commissioner
Al Brown
I like to have two options available:
- Millionaire’s Shortbread. Shortbread within a thick layer of caramel then covered in chocolate.
- Vegan Seed Surprise. Some sort of unbaked number where nuts, seeds, tree bark etc is bound or glued together with pureed free range dates or similar.
I think you can tell a hell of a lot about a person in this situation with their choice of option.
Al Brown is a chef
Lianne Dalziel
I do understand why Mallowpuffs were more successful than Krispies – to be blunt, anything would be better than Krispies.
I’m personally trying not to eat biscuits right now, so turning up with them may not put negotiations on a strong footing. But if someone was to turn up with homemade ANZAC biscuits, then we could be talking! Why? Because they are simply delicious.
(P.S. WORD Festival starts tonight!)
Lianne Dalziel is the mayor of Christchurch
Annabelle Lee Mather
Take fry bread, butter and golden syrup and a copy of the treaty.
Annabelle Lee Mather is the editorial executive of the year
Peter Gordon
I’m a fan of a Mallowpuff. My Gran, Molly Gordon, made the best caramel crumble shortbread (boiled condensed milk caramel) and so long as the biscuit part is dark golden brown then I’d be happy to meet!
Peter Gordon is a chef
Siouxsie Wiles
Arnott’s mint slices will do it.
Siouxsie Wiles is a microbiologist
Richard Wagstaff
It has to be Krispies. How can anyone be taken seriously when they’re eating a mallowpuff?
But really, in my experience, it’s strong black coffee that really matters when it comes to successful negotiations.
Richard Wagstaff is Council of Trade Unions President
Chris Bishop
Squiggles.
Chris Bishop is a National MP
Jennifer Ward-Lealand
I’m going to say Squiggles, because I reckon you’d get a laugh and a meeting with a few laughs is a good meeting. They are a kind of birthday party for kids biscuits – fun to look at, not too crumbly, with a hokey pokey flavour and excellent texture. Our UK friends ask us to bring packets of these over if we’re travelling that way. Obviously they won’t be getting any Squiggles for quite a while.
Jennifer Ward-Lealand is an actor
Justin Lester
Squiggle Top (now known as Squiggles): it’s the biscuit of a generation. Jacinda’s and James’ generation. They’ll be able to reminisce on which is better – What Now or 3.45 Live, ponder what ever happened to Olly Olsen and question why they were never able to stay up late enough to watch Goodnight Kiwi.
Justin Lester is the former mayor of Wellington
Tilly Lloyd
Mallowpuffs: the marshmallow reverses cortisol. Although we have just discovered the startling re-oxygenation properties of Cookie Bear: Hundreds & Thousands.
Tilly Lloyd is the proprietor of Unity Books Wellington
Aaron Hawkins
Good grief, after the biscuit ranking? The challenge is that you don’t know how long negotiations will take, so you need a biscuit that suits different times of the day. Without being too parochial, I think shortbread would be a solid option. It works equally as well with morning tea as it does with a single malt (deeper into proceedings).
Aaron Hawkins is the mayor of Dunedin
Mimi Gilmour
Without a doubt, I’d bring Chocolate Wheatens to the negotiation table. The CWs’ hearty, oaty soul is akin to a comforting bowl of porridge on a cold morning, while the chocolate adds that touch of jazz many of us seek in a snack. A biscuit that transcends generations, a wheaten keeps both digestive-loving traditionalists and new-age chocolate biccie lovers happy, laying the foundations for peaceful and productive negotiations. As they say, a choccie wheaten can’t be beaten!
Mimi Gilmour is co-founder of Burger Burger
Jason Paris
Triple chocolate cookie time! NZ, three X chocolate and you can still say to your wife (who has put me on a diet) that it was just one biscuit – even though it’s the size of three.
Jason Paris is the CEO of Vodafone
Sophie Gilmour
McVities Chocolate Digestives because nothing tastes better with tea.
Sophie Gilmour is a hospitality consultant
Jack Tame
Put me down for a mint slice. Timeless. Classic. Oddly refreshing.
James Tame is a broadcaster
Suzanne Paul
Well my all time favourites are Jaffa Cakes from McVities – although technically, they are a cake…with a delicious orangey centre. I always thought when I was young and poor, that when I was rich, I would always have the cupboards stocked with Jaffa Cakes as we couldn’t afford them when I was a kid. Just seeing them puts me in a good mood. I don’t buy them very often, as I have no willpower as far as they’re concerned- once they’re open, I can just eat the whole packet in one go!
Suzanne Paul is Suzanne Paul