spinofflive
ice blocks ranking
ice blocks ranking

KaiJanuary 14, 2020

The ice blocks I have eaten this summer, from best to worst

ice blocks ranking
ice blocks ranking

Whether you’re a hungover mess, on a road trip with fractious children or just a bit hot and thirsty, ice blocks are the answer. But not all are created equal, finds Amanda Thompson.

I live in a town that lies on the way to and from a lot of summer festivals. We get used to our normally quiet service station being chock-full of dusty and depressed youths on any given Sunday, crawling back into reality and the New Year hot, hungry, hungover and extremely anxious about the state of their phone battery. Bless the poor feral things. I could probably make a mint if I set up a roadside stall selling a barf bucket and a cool wet flannel for 10 bucks. Or a Berocca, a battery bank and bit of motherly advice, perhaps? (Crying on me will cost you extra.) 

I joke. What you really need in this relatable summer sitch is an icy-cold Coke, a mince and cheese pie and half a bag of Rashuns, strictly in that order. Others may argue, but I personally guarantee this hangover cure. It won’t bring back your lost debit cards, friendships and dignity, but you’ll feel a bit more human. And if you can’t even look a pie in the proverbial eye, the remedy of last resort has got to be the ice block. Not an ice cream – there’s no way you’ll keep that sucker down all the way back to Masterton – but a sweet, possibly juicy, and definitely icy, block. It’s sitting right there in the freezer next to you as you queue for the unpleasantness that is the unisex service station toilet, it’s energising, it’s refreshing and it’s within even the scantiest budget. To take the troubling guesswork out of your selection, my family and I have heroically spent our holidays working our way through the contents of our local petrol station freezer, and here are our recommendations. Grab one of these, lower your sunburnt self into the passenger seat, close your eyes, take a bite and you might even believe you will live.

Of course this is also very good advice when on holiday road trips with fractious children, if that is your current horror story. At any age or any stage, dear reader – ice blocks got you.

Koola Bear and wedgie

10. Kāpiti Watermelon and Kaffir Lime Fruit Pop ($4.50)

This was awful. I mean, I know – kaffir lime – but still. Nobody enjoyed it. It was so unpleasant tasting, the children nicknamed it The Shoesicle because they said it tasted just like the smell that hits you when you open the Number 1 Shoes box holding your brand-new pair of school shoes, which seemed a fair and balanced appraisal for something so ludicrously overpriced.

9. Koola Bear, Blue Raspberry ($1.50) 

If you want to know what a blue raspberry tastes like, it’s like you took every Raro sachet and poured them all onto your tongue at once. The dominant flavour profile here is SWEET AF which makes sense because the dominant ingredient, riding proudly high above all the preservatives and colouratives and flavouratives, is sugar. My kids have wasted a lot of dollar coins on these – they are always in the freezer even though it says they are actually a drink? Does anyone ever sell them as a drink? I’ve never seen one at room temperature but it probably would stop the almost guaranteed leakage of these bastard bears, as they all seem to split their own packaging when frozen and then dribble all over your clothes/jandals as they defrost. Inhumanely sticky and stainy and impossible to get out of your car upholstery, don’t even bother. Just buy a new car. Try making these evil icy treats an outdoors experience only. Or better yet, try stopping at a classier servo, like those ones that have espresso and sourdough sandwiches and a vegan samosa selection rather than a grimy freezer full of this crap. Try that, maybe.

8. Tip Top Popsicle Watermelon & Kiwifruit Wedgie Sorbet ($2)

This is so very pretty! And quite realistically kiwifruit and watermelon flavoured. Kind of. I mean, it doesn’t really taste of anything much, but it does have a lovely soft sorbet texture. The ‘choc’ buttons as seeds don’t really add anything except aesthetics, but all in all this is a fun – if bland – experience. 

Tip Top Popsicle Passionfruit Sorbet and Kāpiti Strawberry, Mint and Kiwifruit Fruit Pop (Photos: Amanda Thompson)

7. Tip Top Popsicle Sourlicious Passionfruit Sorbet ($2)

I quite liked this sorbet, and not just for the fabulous colours. It’s a refreshing change to have something sour to choose in among all the very sweet freezer offerings, although a bit acidic. By the time you get down to the stick your lips will be pursed up like a very cold cat’s bum. A bit too challenging for the typical hangover experience, perhaps.

6. Kāpiti Strawberry, Mint and Kiwifruit Fruit Pop ($4.50)

A lovely fresh mint tang to a delicate strawberry flavour. This is a nice ice block, no question. But is a frozen fruity sweet on a stick where you really need to concentrate your limited budget? Are you actually rich? Swimming in high-performance stocks and shares? Bought a north-facing house in a great school zone with strong street appeal and potential for a view when you add that extra turret? I didn’t think so. Move along.

5. Tip Top Fruju Orange ($3)

Frujus were always going to feature heavily in the second half of this list. Yes, a bit predictable but the Fruju is a classic for a reason. As we enter the end of days, a Fruju is a comforting reminder of good ol’ Kiwi summers when “hotter than hell” was an exaggeration, not a meteorological fact. While a grapefruit Fruju would be too cruelly bitter for a post-party stomach, and the pineapple one would be too sickly, an orange one is just the right balance of sweet syrup and citrus tang. Convince yourself it’s mostly just orange juice (it is not) and you are therefore eating clean (that’s not even a thing). A safe and comforting bet for all ages.

Calippo (slightly rude or is it just me?) and the wonderfully named Slushy Swirling Ice-Storm (Photos: Amanda Thompson)

4. Streets Calippo Raspberry Pineapple ($2.50)

Calippos have a great name, an unwholesomely sugary taste and a mildly rude shape. You can make a lot of immature jokes about it sliding in and out of the cardboard tube and the licking lasting a long time. No mess, all satisfaction and a lot of fun. I feel maybe I should stop there.

3. Tip Top Popsicle Slushy Swirling Ice-Storm of Frozen Raspberry and Lemonade ($2.70)

Fact 1: Can be an ice block or an icy drink.

Fact 2: The name Swirling Ice-Storm of Raspberry and Lemonade has never been matched for sheer wit, honesty and audacity in the whole of ice block history.

Fact 3: Free spoon.

You don’t need any more reasons to buy this.

The winner and runner-up: Streets Paddle Pop Lemonade Icy Twist and Fruju Raspberry and Lime (Photos: Amanda Thompson)

2. Streets Paddle Pop Lemonade Icy Twist ($1.50)

What a classic, what a bargain, what an ice block. Doesn’t mark your clothes or carpets, and buyable with couch change. Good for when you buy someone else’s child an ice block and you feel the parents might be the kind who get shitty about you feeding their kid artificial food colouring because little Phashuneestah will get hyper or grow up to be an Act voter or something. My kids truly love these for the nostalgia value – this is the exact frugal treat you might expect when you get third in the Year 4 Whānau and Friends Athletics Day 50m Mixed Relay Race. An all-round winner in my books.

1. Tip Top Fruju Raspberry and Lime ($3)

I am really loving the raspberry Fruju right now, a top ice block with just enough raspberry sweetness to wrestle with that tangy lime tartness. It zings, it pings, it sings like a fruity little angel. Forget that frozen strawberry margarita – with lime prices tripled and your bank balance crippled, this is as close as you’re going to get, and at $3 it may be the bargain of 2020. Buy with extreme confidence.

Keep going!
alex (65)

KaiJanuary 12, 2020

The chaotic history of the lolly scramble in New Zealand

alex (65)

It’s a tradition fraught with outrage, red tape and injury. It’s also really bloody fun. Alex Casey takes a look back at the evolution of the lolly scramble in New Zealand. 

Legend tells of an impromptu lolly scramble that rocked the Wellington art scene in a matter of seconds. The year was 2003, and the week-long installation at an unnamed gallery had attracted a decent opening night crowd. The free sauvignon blanc was flowing, the live band was grooving and the room was abuzz with conversation. Bags of lollies were discreetly handed out to a choice few patrons. The crowd didn’t know what was, literally, about to hit them. From every angle. At speed.

“I thought a lolly scramble might be a good way to enliven the space that night,” the unnamed artist recalled. “Unfortunately it backfired.” As the first rock-hard wrapped lollies careened through the air without warning, they appeared to activate a primal fight or flight response from the people in the room. “It didn’t really turn out to be the scenario I had imagined… people grabbed more bags of sweets and really pelted them out hard so that they bounced off walls and into the crowd. It got out of control I think.”

The room quickly emptied, leaving only unwanted Fruit Bursts and Milkshakes scattered across the floor. 

Children having a lolly scramble in a field, Hawke’s Bay District. Whitehead, Henry Norford, 1870-1965: Negatives of Napier, Hastings and district. Alexander Turnbull Library, Wellington, New Zealand.

Lolly scrambles have a rich social history here in New Zealand. Since the late 1800s, birthday parties, A&P shows, fairs, prize-givings, fundraisers, sports events and Christmas parades have all featured the chaotic ritual as a highlight. The premise is simple: an adult releases a large amount of lollies into the air and a group of children go absolutely feral trying to pick up as many as they can. It’s a piñata without the admin. A treasure hunt without much of a hunt. 

According to historian David Green, the earliest recorded New Zealand lolly scramble features in an 1870 article recapping a picnic in the Taieri Plains held by the Ancient Order of Foresters. “A ‘lolly scramble’ was entered into with great zest by the youngsters,” the article reads, “who were lavish in their praises to the Foresters and hoped that the pic-nic would come oftener.” Green notes the quote marks around ‘lolly scramble’ – a clue that the term was unfamiliar at the time.

But where did that early impulse to scramble come from? And why lollies? Green says it was most likely cultivated here, rather than imported from the UK. “Sweets were a luxury until the 19th century, when new technology made it possible to mass-produce. Before then, they would have been too expensive to chuck about in large numbers.” There are records of nut scrambles also taking place here in the 1880s, which likely stemmed from the British tradition of giving fruit or nuts to children on special occasions. 

AUCKLAND STAR, VOLUME LXIV, ISSUE 251, 24 OCTOBER 1933, VIA NATIONAL LIBRARY OF NEW ZEALAND

Scrambling also served a crucial social function. The second half of the 19th century saw children’s lives become much more regimented, says Green, as society looked for new ways to control their unruly young. That dry-buzz structure came in the form of compulsory education, Sunday school and organised sports, leaving anarchic moments like a lolly scramble as what Green calls the ‘carrot’ dangling at the end of a life of ‘stick’. 

By the 1930s, scrambling had exploded. The tradition moved beyond smaller picnics and parties to galas, cinemas and skating rinks, culminating in the pièce de résistance – the mighty Santa parade. People also began experimenting with avant-garde scrambling methods. “In one early variant, the scrambling was done by a local dignitary who attached sweets to his suit,” says Green. “He jogged around pretending to evade the children who were in hot pursuit.” 

Parents would be well within their rights to be upset about, say, a school principal covering his body in sweets and running through a bunch of kids, but one 1935 letter to the Northern Advocate raises different concerns. “As a parent, I wish to make a protest,” the letter begins. “A lolly scramble anywhere should be condemned in the interests of hygiene, but particularly so in Central Park, where the ground is often polluted by wanton spitting and the tramp of many feet.” 

Their pearls clutched tighter. “I have seen plants taken from a tray of earth with bare hands and, without washing, the same hands have immediately after served unwrapped sweets to a child. Surely the health and lives of our children are too precious to be thus ignored.” 

NORTHERN ADVOCATE, 11 FEBRUARY 1935, VIA NATIONAL LIBRARY OF NEW ZEALAND

All I have to say to you, J.M.C, if that is your real name, is that you ain’t seen nothing yet. Tech developments over the next 90 years would inject the lolly scramble with a whole new set of dangers beyond wanton spitting, and what began with a humble tin bucket of sweets became a showcase of daredevil prowess. “Sweets were thrown from horseback, standing in carts, traction engines, flatbed trucks, floats, railway wagons,” says Green. 

“Some were even dropped from aeroplanes.”

Ah yes, the aerial lolly scramble – the most spectacular and hazardous method of the genre. When I asked for people’s childhood stories, most were to do with a huge amount of lollies being dropped from a great height. One particularly botched drop was witnessed by Melanie Horrell in Ashburton, 1995. “My primary school had someone drop the lollies out of a plane at the school fair, but the guy stuffed up and all the lollies ended up on the roof in the school pool.” 

Even when the lollies do eventually make it to ground level in an aerial drop, they arrive at high speed. “Every year at the kids Christmas party at the Napier fire station, they’d get the truck with the cherry picker out and do a lolly scramble,” recalls Beck Woolhouse. “Trouble was that the cherry picker went so fucking high that the lollies essentially became bullets on their descent. I remember being cracked on the head many a time with uncaught Mackintosh’s.” 

Anecdotally, Minties appear to be the most perilous lolly. Jo Hawkins once got knocked out by a rogue Mintie in the early 90s. “It was a Santa who got me at a school fair. He was up a ladder. Right in the temple. Ironic, as it would have been great on one of those ‘moments like these you need Minties’ ads.” Fraser Thompson was never allowed to partake in lolly scrambles, but has fond memories of watching his peers getting “brained” by falling Minties. 

“When I was a child I was on a float during a Christmas parade, I threw a Mintie that hit a woman in the face,” says Anna Sheridan. “I think of that often.”

Increasing reported injuries in the 1990s led to a return of the moral panic that swept the letters section of the Northern Advocate in 1935. The tipping point is rumoured to have come after a spring parade injury in Warkworth in 1992. A kid is said to have dived under a float in the parade to retrieve a lolly and broken his arm. Alysha Fraser remembers hearing about the incident all the way down in Hamilton, her own local lolly scramble being cancelled as a result. 

As if that wasn’t enough to stop the scramble, a 2003 court case caused event organisers to put up more red tape than ever before. After a competitor was killed during the 2001 Christchurch to Akaroa cycle race, organiser Astrid Anderson was fined and charged with criminal nuisance. In the wake of the ruling, event organisers cracked down on health and safety. The Tauranga Christmas parade banned legs dangling from floats and, you guessed it, lolly scrambles. In Huntly, they did away with the Christmas parade altogether. 

Anderson later appealed and her conviction was quashed. 

Before we get into the previous decade, it is important to note some of the key scrambling tips amassed by the hive mind over our solid 90 years of scrambling. If you are involved in a “classic” scramble, be aware that the scrambler may well throw a handful or two behind them. If you’ve got a hat: use it as a scoop. One seasoned scrambler offered up the “starfish” technique, where you simply throw yourself on the ground and try to cover up as many lollies as you can with your body. 

Of course, those tips are useless if you are tightly wrapped in cotton wool by the PC-gone-mad brigade. In 2012, Auckland Council attempted to crack down on Christmas by enforcing a ban on water pistols, people doing handstands in horse turds and, you guessed it, lolly scrambles. Council event manager David Burt said at the time that “only clowns and pixies” would be allowed to walk alongside the floats and hand out lollies. Pixies and Clowns… P.C… makes you think.

A week and a bit of Reddit fury later, order was thankfully restored. “Mayor Len Brown has ruled out any bylaws banning lolly throwing, water pistols or participants under five, following reports last week that health and safety rules meant the festive staples couldn’t go ahead,” Stuff reported at the time. “Santa parades are fun events for the whole community,” said Brown. “It’s a shame if there has been any misunderstanding about council’s processes for putting on these events.” 

Tensions between Nanny State and Scramble State continued into the mid-2010s after Paula Bennett established the Rules Reduction Taskforce in 2014, encouraging the public to voice their concerns over outdated and frustrating regulations. The findings were published in “The Loopy Rules Report” in August 2015, and put any lolly scramble health and safety conspiracies to bed: “Being hit by a flying lolly would not be defined as a significant hazard.” 

The Department of Internal Affairs website similarly hammered the point home. “There are no government health and safety rules against lolly scrambles at things like Santa parades,” the myth-busting section reads. “There has been some concern that children could be injured running in front of floats, and while this is a valid concern, the most important thing is for event organisers, parents and caregivers to use common sense to keep kids safe.”

Despite the government’s chilled out attitude to assailing Kiwi youth with sugary treats, independent institutions have taken matters into their own hands. Meg Wahorn experienced a particularly underwhelming kindergarten lolly scramble just last year. “They brought in a five lolly limit. I was pleased my kid couldn’t gorge but also felt it lessened the cut-throat excitement somewhat… It’s not so much a lolly scramble as just picking up five lollies off the ground.”

That about brings us to today, where by all accounts the lolly scramble is still alive and thriving in most parts of New Zealand and sometimes even a blow-up doll is there. Who knows where the tradition will go next? Who knows what the impact of drone technology, AI and virtual reality will have on the humble scramble? All I can say for sure is this: there is a 2017 video on Youtube of a bloke who has built an at-home explosive lolly scramble device using an air bag, a plastic bucket, and a lot of Kiwi ingenuity. 

“Do not attempt this unless you know what you are doing” the caption reads. 

“And even then think twice about it :)”

‘Become a member and help us keep local, independent journalism thriving.’
Alice Neville
— Deputy editor