As we wake on the morning after election night, let’s look back at a remarkable few months. 

Though we did not know it at the time, August 2026 was just the beginning. Looking back from the morning of November 8, with the voters having delivered their verdict and coalition negotiations set to begin in earnest, we can see with some clarity how that moment would cast the die for the campaign.

The Labour and National parties had been emphasising for some time the many things they would not do, but the first really big salvo came from Christopher Luxon. Energised by another friendly meeting with his caucus, the National leader announced on August 23 that they were ruling out all new taxes. 

There was a brief flurry of outrage from the leader of the opposition, Wayne Brown. Soon the leader of the Labour Party, Chris Hipkins, offered his own riposte: he would rule out an increase in goods and services tax. 

“NINE new taxes,” cackled the National Party campaign chair, Simeon Brown from somewhere inside the house. 

But Chris Hipkins was not finished – there was more not to do, he declared. The Labour Party ruled out hiking fuel taxes for three years. 

“TEN new taxes,” said Simeon Brown, adding for clarity that he meant the alternative coalition and not the National Party, which by contrast likes to live life to the max, apart from on the tax front, where it is very much to the min. 

As the days grew longer and spring poked its head through the clouds, the battle to do fewer things, now and in the future, only escalated.

Nicola Willis and Christopher Luxon summoned the media to a press conference in Huntly to pledge they would resign from politics before they increased taxation on engine coolant, neighbourhood bookswaps made out of repainted old fridges, or the human soul. 

“THIRTY-FIVE new taxes, ah-ha-ha-ha,” said Simeon Brown.

As advance voting opened, Christopher Luxon said that ruling out enrolment had proved a success and he would instruct the Electoral Commission to rule out the votes from anyone who looked untrustworthy. 

Chris Hipkins said that not only would he rule out hiking fuel taxes, he would rule out hiking, together with tramping, rambling, and all other walking activities outside designated urban pathways. 

Undeterred, Christopher Luxon declared during a Newstalk ZB phone-in that he would be removing all the councils across the land, with their stupid, snivelling, overspending ways. His commitment to devolution and localism remained firm, however, and he would replace the existing mix of 78 regional councils and territorial authorities with Paul Goldsmith.

There was still more to come. Chris Hipkins relaunched Labour’s slogan as Let’s not. Christopher Luxon ruled out mojo for the next three terms. “Not on my watch!” he said.

With election day looming and facing pressure to reveal how a Labour government could afford ruling out so many taxes, Chris Hipkins announced that they would defund the National Emergency Management Agency, which would be fine given he was ruling out national emergencies. 

For a moment, Christopher Luxon looked cornered. But he reached into his hat and ruled out a rabbit. He announced that he was ruling out speaking with his mouth for the remainder of the campaign. From that day on, his communication strategy centred on fogging up the passenger window in his crown car, whereupon he would scratch out with his index finger the words fixing basics building future. 

Labour campaign manager Kieran McAnulty refused to rule out Chris Hipkins, saying you could hardly rule out something that doesn’t exist. He had never heard of Chris Hipkins, he said, or was it Hopkins, it hardly mattered as neither had ever been there.

The final leaders’ debate played out in total silence across 90 minutes, with Christopher Luxon and Chris Hipkins curled up in tiny balls beneath the lecterns. The ratings were double those of the previous debate. 

“ONE HUNDRED new taxes,” spluttered Simeon Brown, sprinting down the median strip of Auckland’s southern motorway on the eve of the election as midnight approached.

And you hardly need reminding what happened next.

As for today, we can all put that behind us and turn our attention to the coalition negotiations ahead. The question that looms above all is, of course, which of the major parties will Qiulae Wong choose to go with: the Greens or New Zealand First?