Summer reissue: Claire from McLeod’s Daughters died in 2003 and Tara Ward is still not over it.
First published July 20, 2020.
The unexpected death of Claire McLeod is the most tragic event you’ll see on television. It was a miserable day when that white Brumby bolted across the road and made Claire drive off a cliff, leaving viewers a traumatised wreck. Surely the entire equine race has to take some responsibility for TV’s most emotional demise, and yet, when horses are confronted with the truth, what do we get out of them? Absolutely nothing.
They say a horse’s eyes are the windows to the soul. This horse has no soul.
Look, it could be the grief talking. Ghost Claire said her death wasn’t the horse’s fault and Harry Ryan reckoned it was a terrible accident, but the same Harry Ryan once spent an entire episode trying to climb some stairs without puffing, just to prove he was fit enough to have sex with his wife. Jog on Harry, so I can keep pointing my clammy finger of blame at the horsey harbinger of doom who made a gaping wound in my soul, one that still festers like a mangey ewe nearly twenty years later.
Claire McLeod was the beating heart of McLeod’s Daughters. Gutsy single mum Claire and her city-slicker sister Tess ran Drovers Run, the Australian farm filled with a thousand broken fences and as many ruined romances. Claire loved the land as much as she loved high-waisted jeans, and she and Tess turned Drovers into a feminist utopia where women could do anything. Tess was nice enough, but Claire was the better sister. She once made Tess walk a bloated cow round the garden all night, just so it could do a massive fart. Claire was a hero.
Don’t do it, Claire!!!!
Claire had never been happier than on the day she died. After three seasons of farmyard sexual tension with Alex Ryan, the Darcy to Claire’s Elizabeth, the two lovers finally hooked up. Alex owned as many flannel shirts as Claire did, and moving in together meant they could talk endlessly about dags and drench. After Alex put his junk in Claire’s cellar and Tess got the cancer all-clear, Claire wanted to celebrate. She was going to Gungellan to get some corn chips.
Dip your ghost corn chips in a jar of my salty tears, Claire McLeod, because rewatching these scenes in 2020 feels as visceral as the first time around. The moment that Brumby bolts across the road still makes my heart pound in an unhealthy way. It’s the beginning of the end, and 17 years on, I am still not ready to say goodbye.
This is the worst reboot of Thelma and Louise.
First, there’s the wild chaos as Claire hits a pothole, drives into a tree and through a fence. Science suggests the pothole was about one centimetre deep, but now is not the time for questions, Your Honour. Save your hesitations for seasons five through eight, when McLeods becomes consumed by secret cousins and witness protection storylines that will make you will curse the day Claire ever drove over that tiny bump.
There are screams as the out-of-control ute hurtles towards the death trap of a canyon, and then, silence. The front of the ute dangles over the cliff edge, as the two sisters realise this situation is way worse than the time Meg’s prize-winning chutney went all wonky and nobody could work out why.
Sheila and Louise: The Pothole.
Claire knows she’s in trouble. Her knee is wedged under the steering column and her door won’t open. The ute lurches forward each time she blinks. Channelling the courage of that farty cow, Claire tells Tess to get out and save baby Charlotte. Tess makes excellent coffee and probably championed avocado on toast years before its time, and she’ll use a rope to secure the ute to a tree. It’s fine, everything’s fine, it’s all fine.
The rope is too short. That’s not good.
McLeod’s was a show about women who got shit done, but this moment carries the awful realisation that there’s nothing more the sisters can do. Claire says a final farewell to Tess, but she’s saying goodbye to us too. In 2020, the ghost of Claire McLeod will turn up in Ferndale to pash the hell out of Chris Warner, but in 2003, as the cliff begins to give way with Claire still trapped inside the ute, this is the end.
Claire is a hero, one last time. “Look after Charlotte,” she tells Tess, pushing her little sister to safety. The ute slides over the side. Claire McLeod is gone.
ALL OF US.
Welcome to the sound of your heart breaking into a thousand Claire McLeod-shaped pieces. It’s even worse when you watch the ute fall, because the crew dressed a mannequin in a blue jumper and brown wig and taped its hands to the steering wheel. It’s possibly the grimmest moment of all, the final nail in the fictional coffin. We’re bawling our eyes out, and Claire McLeod wasn’t even real. She’s just a dummy in a canyon. We are all sorry now.
Whoever the dummy is here, no other television death hits you with the same raw, gut-wrenching impact of Claire McLeod’s. Not Daphne croaking “Clarkey” on Neighbours, or Shortland Street’s beloved Sarah Potts, or Patrick on Offspring. Claire never came back from Gungellan, and McLeod’s Daughters never got over losing Claire. Give me another 17 years, and I might be ready to consider it.
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Keep going!
Look at all these happy friends, lovers and family! You’ll be watching them this month.
Look at all these happy friends, lovers and family! You’ll be watching them this month.
What are you going to be watching in January? The Spinoff rounds up everything that’s coming to streaming services this month, including Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney+, Apple TV+, Neon and TVNZ OnDemand.
The biggies
Good Lord Bird (on Neon from January 20)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-Tm63y-S4s
“Anti-slavery campaigner” doesn’t even begin to capture the extreme reality of John Brown, the blustering, eccentric and violent abolitionist whose attempt to incite a slave rebellion in 1859 is widely credited as one of the key inciting moments of the American civil war. Good Lord Bird, based on the novel of the same name, is a fictionalised version of Brown’s story, seen through the eyes of a 13-year-old freed slave who accompanies Brown on his mission. Starring a career-best Ethan Hawke as the wild-eyed Bird, and newcomer Joshua Caleb Johnson as his sidekick Henry, Good Lord Bird is a tough tale shot through with dark humour and an irreverent approach to history. As the note that begins each episode explains: “All of this is true. Most of it happened.”/ Catherine McGregor
Cobra Kai (season three on Netflix from January 8)
The third season of the Karate Kid sequel lands like a hard chop to the guts, as Johnny Lawrence and Daniel LaRusso’s rivalry is reborn nearly four decades after they first met. The two enemies from the classic ‘80s film are reunited when Johnny reopens the original Cobra Kai karate dojo, but this time they’re middle-aged men and Johnny is the one down on his luck. There’s no Mr Miyagi here, but with its healthy dose of nostalgia and charming underdog spirit, Cobra Kai is an easy, likeable watch. / Tara Ward
WandaVision (on Disney+ from January 15)
Disney+ has had an original content problem since launching 12 months ago. Aside from two excellent seasons of The Mandalorian, there hasn’t been a lot besides nostalgia tripping through Pixar films to justify the monthly fee. From January, that all changes: WandaVision is the first in an ever-growing slate of Marvel original series, set within the expansive cinematic universe. And it looks incredible. Part superhero epic, part 60s sitcom, the show reunites Elizabeth Olsen’s Scarlet Witch and Paul Bettany’s Vision in a surrealist, six part series set to launch the MCU into its next era. I am beyond hyped. / Stewart Sowman-Lund
Euphoria (special on Neon from January 25)
For all of the (not entirely misplaced) criticism about how it erred a little too often towards glamorising the issues it claimed to be challenging, the first season of HBO’s post-Skins teen drama Euphoria was nevertheless refreshing for the not-always-flattering depth of its characters, the pure strength of its ensemble (Zendaya! Angus Cloud!) and its single-minded dedication to creating a universe that felt indebted to very little that had come before it. The arrival of Covid-19 forced the show’s creators to pump the brakes on production of its second season, but a pair of special “bridge” episodes – the first dropped last month – should sate the appetites of those desperately awaiting new chapters in the life of Rue et al. / Matthew McAuley
The notables
Blown Away (on Netflix from January 22)
Possibly the most niche reality show ever made, and yet one of the most tense, Blown Away is set within the world of glass blowing. You might not know it yet, but nothing is more nerve wracking than watching someone make a glass sculpture/vase/artwork against the clock. There’s smashes, cracks, tears, and everything else imaginable in this Netflix original reality competition that doesn’t have a rose ceremony in sight. / SS-L
Good Grief (on TVNZ on Demand from January 4)
Sisters Grace (Shortland Street) and Eve Palmer (The Adam and Eve Show) teamed up to write and star in this off-beat Kiwi comedy about two sisters who inherit their koro’s funeral home. Think The Casketeers, but with the owners being completely out of their depth while juggling a new business, family tensions and less-than-impressed team of employees. Dead funny? Certainly looks that way. / TW
Yellowstone (on Neon from January 3)
Kevin Costner was born to play a grumpy cowboy, and Yellowstone is the three season binge watch to see you through the New Year. Costner is John Dutton, the respected patriarch of a family running the biggest ranch in Montana. He just wants to farm in peace, but because the ranch is bordered by a national park, land developers and an Indian reservation, poor old John always needs a tissue for his issue. This beautifully shot series is a mix of Succession and McLeod’s Daughters, with plenty of horsey drama and a warring family that just won’t quit. / TW
Frickin Dangerous Bro… On The Road (on TVNZ on Demand weekly from January 28)
The Frickin Dangerous Bro lads (James Roque, Pax Assadi, Jamaine Ross) have been one of the best things about New Zealand comedy for some time now, and they’re long past due for a series that showcases what they can do. The concept for the series is simple, but great: The trio visit a small town somewhere in the country – the towns include Feilding, Wairoa and Oamaru – and get to know the locals before performing a comedy show for them. The aim is to hold up a mirror to our smaller communities and, in classic FDB fashion, interrogate what a ‘Kiwi’ actually looks and sounds like. / Sam Brooks
The films
Pieces of a Woman (on Netflix from January 7)
Netflix’s first big film of the year is also one of their biggest Oscar contenders, with a buzzed about turn from The Crown actress Vanessa Kirby. It follows a woman in the aftermath of a botched home birth, and her grief in the years that follow that traumatic event. The film picked up good notices when it premiered at the Venice Film Festival, but Kirby is the one I’m stoked to watch. She was by far the highlight of her two seasons on The Crown, which is no small feat, and to see her have a meaty role to dig into on the big screen (or at least in a film) is something that gets me really excited. It probably won’t be a light watch, but it’ll be one you won’t want to have missed come Oscar time. / SB
One Night in Miami (on Amazon Prime Video from January 15)
On 25 February 1964, Cassius Clay – later to become Muhammad Ali – met Sonny Liston in the ring for the first of two of the most famous boxing bouts in history. Accompanying Clay to Miami Beach were his pals, civil rights leader Malcolm X, soul singer Sam Cooke and pioneering football player Jim Brown. Directed by the great Regina King (Watchmen) in her directorial debut, One Night in Miami is a fictionalised account of what happened when these four legends got together in a hotel room to hang out, to shoot the shit, and to discuss the reality of life as a Black man in the midst of the civil rights movement. / CM
Scoob! (on Neon from January 29)
Scoob! is the latest installment of the multimedia, multi-generation smash hit Scooby-Doo. It’s also the first in years not to feature Matthew Lillard as Shaggy. Lillard has played Shaggy 40 times across film, TV, and games. He is Shaggy Rogers. Will Forte is a wonderful actor, but he is not Shaggy Rogers. Scoob! is full of new voices for a new generation of viewers: Zac Efron, Gina Rodriguez, and Amanda Seyfriend round out the Mystery Inc. team, and Frank Welker stays on as the immortal great dane himself. It’s the start of a new franchise! Rooby-dooby-doo! Fingers crossed that little creep Scrappy-doo stays out of this one. / Josie Adams
The rest
Netflix
January 1
Headspace Guide to Meditation
Dream Home Makeover: Season 2
The Minimalists: Less is Now
Batman Forever
The Dead Pool
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
American Hustle
The Karate Kid Part II
The Karate Kid
Good Luck Chuck
January 5
Nailed It! Mexico: Season 3
History of Swear Words
January 6
Tony Parker: The Final Shout
Surviving Death
January 7
Pieces of a Woman
January 8
Lupin
Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons: Season 5
Stuck Apart
Pretend It’s a City
The Idhun Chronicles: Part 2
January 10
Beneath Clouds
January 11
CRACK: Cocaine, Corruption & Conspiracy
January 13
Night Stalker: The Hunt for a Serial Killer
January 15
Bling Empire
Disenchantment: Part Three
Outside The Wire
Double Dad
Carmen Sandiego: Season 4
Sesame Street: Selections from Season 49
January 19
Hello Ninja: Season 4
January 20
Spycraft
Daughter From Another Mother
January 21
Call My Agent: Season 4
Riverdale: Season Five (weekly)
January 22
Fate: The Winx Saga
Busted!: Season Three
Blown Away: Season Two
White Tiger
Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous: Season Two
January 26
Rocketman
January 29
The Dig
Finding ‘Ohana
We Are The Brooklyn Saints
Neon
January 1
Ben 10: Season 3
Catfish: The TV Show: Season 5
Just Tattoo of Us: Season 4
The Informant
Safe Spaces
Stardog and Turbocat
January 3
Yellowstone
Dark Waters
January 4
The Perfect Serve
VICE World of Sports: Season 2
JK’s Japan
The Dark Side of the Ring: Season 2
This Could G Anywhere
The Shop
Unbreakable
One Fern – 100 Years
Back on the Ball
Wayne Smith: For the Love of the Game
All Blacks ’96 Tour of South Africa
Legends of Super Rugby: Christian Cullen
Life After Footy: Legends of the Pacific
The Transformer Refueled
Trouble with the Curve
January 5
The Call of the Wild
The Iron Mask
Blood Father
January 6
Capone
January 7
The Goldbergs: Season 7
January 8
The Call of the Wild
January 10
A Discovery of Witches: Season 2
Motherless Brooklyn
January 13
Queen & Slim
January 14
Dredd
January 15
Adventure Time: Seasons 8-9
Boonie Bears Blast Into the Past
Shot Caller
January 16
Real Time with Bill Maher: Season 19
The Night Clerk
January 18
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
Monkey King Reloaded
Non-Stop
January 19
Kit & Pup
January 20
The Good Lord Bird
Jay & Silent Bob Reboot
The Legend of Baron To’a
January 22
Nancy Drew: Season 2
Henry Danger: Season 4
Paddington
January 24
A Hidden Life
Scooby Doo
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
January 25
Euphoria: Fuck Anyone Who’s Not A Sea Blob
January 26
Charmed: Season 3
Show Me Show Me: Season 6
January 27
Countdown
January 28
Gods of Egypt
January 29
Scoob!
January 31
Black Narcissus
Brahms: The Boy 2
The Prince & Me
TVNZ on Demand
January 1
Happy Valley: Season 1-2
Rillington Place
From the Vault: Antartica
Judge John Deed: Season 1-5
The Science of Sleep: How to Sleep Better
Why Do I Put on Weight
The Passion of Augustine
A Blast
Spy Merchants
Beyond the Autism Spectrum: A Family’s Year Confronting Autism
