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Pop CultureApril 4, 2016

Shortland Street Power Rankings: Has Ferndale reached peak stud?


Tara Ward brings you her Shortland Street Power Rankings for last week, including Chris Warner 2.0, a gaggle of sleazeballs and an uber disaster.

1) Finn Connelly is a crinkle-cut chip off the ol’ Warner block

Chris’ super sperm was once so powerful that it impregnated RoboNurse Carrie Burton’s womb with not one but three babies. Bish, bosh, bash, 23 years later little Finn returned to Ferndale, reborn as a super surgeon with the Warner charm, silky hair and deft hands. Ladies be falling like flies around this Australian Adonis, because, what else do they have to do with their time?

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Let’s hope Finn also inherited Carrie’s maroon cardigan. That thing should be in on permanent display in Te Papa.

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2) Lucy is simply the best

First Lucy made this crazy face to Warner Jr to convince him she’s not crazy, then she revealed she was once arrested and tried to pash the police officer. Love your work, Lucy.

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3) Kylie and Norelle take interpretive art to the next level

Ferndale’s A-listers put on their party frocks to attend a breast cancer fundraiser at the IV. Kylie gave a humdinger of a speech but was upstaged by Norelle, who vomited all over the courtyard in an immersive art installation that evocatively symbolised the stomach-turning realities of cancer. I hope Norelle put a price on her technicolour work of art, rich doctors love that existential bullshit.

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4) FFS, what’s with the gaggle of sleazeball doctors

The arrival of Dr Finn Connelly means Ferndale has reached peak stud. Rachel should rename the hospital ‘Staglands’ and leave bales of hay in the corridor for the rutting bucks to feed on once they’ve exhausted the supply of female nurses.

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What about Victoria and… wait, there’s no other female surgeons for her to stand about with, drooling over the male orderlies or hounding the male nurses for a dinner date. That’s so unfair. What about providing equal access to workplace harrassment opportunities, Shortland Street?

5) Pirate in cubicle three

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6) Victoria is like Meatloaf and will do anything for love

Victoria took a long soak in a lukewarm bath of Mo paranoia and alas, the water penetrated her brain. Sensing her tight hold on Mo’s noose was slipping, Victoria picked on Kate, moved into Mo’s, and chucked all of Mag’s stuff under the house. She is SUCH a romantic.

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7) Curtis and Ali were taken for a ride

Illegal taxi-driver Curtis was scammed by a horde of drunken women, who not only stole his car but ate fast food in the back seat. Girls, did you not get Sabina’s memo expressly forbidding such reckless behaviour? You fly in the face of danger.

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8) Michael ran away, but sadly made it home safely

Michael’s terrible behaviour made Vinnie really mad – mostly because it interrupted sexy time with Nicole. The root of the trouble? Something about Michael’s arguing step-parents, blah, blah, blah. The sooner this brat gets shipped off to boot camp, the better.

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Shortland Street airs 7pm weekdays of TV2, click here to catch up on TVNZ Ondemand

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