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Pop CultureDecember 6, 2016

Shout out to Little Mix, the top of the Top 40

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Kate Robertson’s seven reasons why Little Mix are the best Top 40 act right now.

I could spend a solid eight hours collating a list of reasons why Little Mix are brilliant. I could rate the choreography from each of their music videos, compile track-by-track analyses of their albums, and discuss at length how they’ve managed to be five years deep and still sitting on top. I probably will one day, but now they’ve announced a long-awaited NZ show it seems as good a time as any to crank up the fandom and put forward my case for Little Mix being the best Top 40 act around right now.

Their music shouldn’t be tolerable

If Little Mix were candy, they’d be the fructose-filled kind the school dentist tells you to steer clear of. It’s sickeningly sweet, and anytime there’s an added visual element it becomes even bigger and brighter. They haven’t bought into the trend of the moment – the dreamily-lit music videos shot beneath a haze of muted blues and pinks – no, they’re here to let off party poppers, spray paint the walls orange, and douse it all in sparkles. You can spend a lot of time listening to their albums and waiting for the wave of nausea to kick in, but it never comes. They’ve found themselves a pocket of pop music that has you dancing in the kitchen at 9am on a Saturday, can be easily manipulated into Christmas music, and is of a calibre deemed worthy of the Royal Variety Show.

They’re relatable

In a time when the internet allows us to drag someone to a point of no return for the smallest of missteps, Little Mix are here reminding us that it’s totally cool and chill to want to live your life covered in glitter, drinking champagne from the bottle, and flirting with hot babes, while also being a badass career woman and taking shit from no one. There’s nothing ‘problematic’ about that. All three of those things can coexist in a self-aware and politically correct world. We’re all smart enough to know this already, but it’s something that’s still not reinforced enough in pop culture, where internet trolls are eager to tear down anyone who falls short of perfection. Little Mix, killer wardrobing aside, feel just like us, problematic exes and all.

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They bridge the gap between teen stars and ‘grown up’ musicians

Yep, they’ve got their own Barbie dolls, but they’re also totally age appropriate. The odd R16 reference goes a long way in giving teenagers something to laugh about, and reminds anyone older that they’re listening to four grown women dealing with grown women problems. I mean, how good is it being able to indulge in a pop group that isn’t a washed up touring version of what they used to be?

There is a Little Mix song for all of the feels

I’ve celebrated new jobs with their biggest anthems, sought comfort in their girl power during times of self-doubt, and screamed along to ‘Shout Out To My Ex’ so loudly on the front porch that I’m surprised my flatmate and I haven’t had our lease terminated. Unless in the wake of an album release, I don’t listen to their music all day, every day, but they’re always there, hiding in gym playlists, dominating road trips, or curing the loneliest of Sunday nights. Four albums might not seem like an extensive back catalogue, but the sheer length of these albums combined with a season’s worth of X Factor UK performances gives an impressive pool to choose from.

They’ve achieved the (mostly) unachievable

There’s a fridge magnet somewhere that says ‘progress isn’t linear’. Well, Little Mix don’t own that magnet. Their business model is a carbon copy of One Direction’s (Little Mix’s former labelmates at Simon Cowell’s Syco label and agency). They strategically release an album every Christmas, tour extensively, and have an endless stream of merchandise. The pressure of churning out an album per year proved too much for the 1D boys, and I would argue that musically they peaked around the third album. Hell, most bands wouldn’t be able to sustain such a gruelling writing/recording/touring schedule, but Little Mix are four years deep and still killing it. Each album has been fractionally better than its predecessor, allowing them to maintain consistent growth while not shocking anyone or released a dud. Compare DNA, their debut, with Glory Days, their latest, and they’re leagues apart, but listen to all four albums in succession and the subtle progression is nothing short of brilliant.

Girlfriends know their way around a break-up

Between the four of them you get the idea they’ve been wronged just a few too many times. There’s a song for almost every kind of separation. Been cheated on? ‘F.U.’ Tempted to run back to a doomed relationship for the second time? ‘Towers’. Gotta cut a fuckboy loose? ‘Hair,’ and so on and so forth. And you know what? Not one of those songs is shrouded in cynicism or misery. Even the slowest of ballads have a hopefulness about them that is goddamn refreshing. All they need now is a song detailing how best to ghost a dry Tinder date and they’ll have every covered every base.

Girl power, obviously

It feels unfair to draw comparison with the Spice Girls, but the collective energy that comes from these four women is something we haven’t seen in such force since peak Spice-mania in the late 90s. Their ability to show vulnerability while still having this overwhelming strength, and serve up comebacks when people doubted they would is nothing short of inspiring. It’s mushy as hell, but Little Mix serve as a reminder that the bond you have with your closest girlfriends, a bond that is so easy to take for granted, is an unmoving foundation you build your life around, will always come back to, and is low-key the greatest thing ever.


Little Mix play Vector Arena in Auckland on Sunday 30 July 2017. Spark Thanks have an exclusive pre-sale for Spark customers, available from 12pm Wednesday 7 December to 12pm Friday 9 December.  

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Pop CultureDecember 6, 2016

Songs in the key of Key: the best songs about the PM… ever

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Henry Oliver listens to every song ever recorded about John Key to come up with the definitive listicle on the matter.

For all his popularity, political skill and steady, centrist economics, John Key was disliked by many, including, apparently, a few musicians who were inspired to write songs about him. So, with his resignation, he’s not just leaving his party with a vacant spot at the top, and his bestie Mike Hosting with a tear in the eye, he’s leaving a gap for whoever comes next to inspire the same ire.

So, as a tribute to our departing PM, here are the best songs about John Key.

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Homebrew – ‘Listen to Us’

Not just a John Key protest song (okay, probably the John Key protest song), ‘Listen to Us’ is a take-down of the whole ‘neoliberal project’: privatisation, welfare cuts, corporate welfare, criminalisation, 90 day trial periods, tax cuts that favor the wealthy, structural racism.

If you’re at work and don’t have headphone, turn the sound off and press play anyway – the video works just as well.

Tourettes – John Key’s Son’s a DJ

Tourettes follows his guest verse in ‘Listen to Us’ with this spoken-word-based take-down of not just John Key’s economic policies, but the way the media endlessly reports the every move of the PM’s scion, while largely ignoring the impact of his policies.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXkQ4FaOaHI

Street Chant – ‘Little Children’

‘Little Children’ imagines scenes from the childhoods of John Key, Paula Bennett and Bronagh Key. They were all so innocent once, the song says, before they started dying inside. Little Johnny, who just wants a sausage sizzle.

Bonus track: Street Chant playing at a Young Nats ball protest with their cover of Blam Blam Blam’s ‘There Is No Depression in New Zealand’

Darren Watson – Planet Key

This is actually a better song than you’d think it would be if someone described it to you (i.e. ‘political satire blues song’), but the best thing about this song is that it was banned by the Electoral Commission when it came out in the lead up to the 2014 election. What more could you ask for as the writer of a John Key protest song? The second best thing about this song is the video, especially the bit where he’s playing a dolphin like a guitar.

Cameron Churchill – ‘John Key’s Not So Bad’

A smugly ironic take on John Key apologists. Best line: ‘Yeah he’s kind of like a lawyer and he’s kind of like your dad’. True.

@Peace – ‘Kill the Prime Minister’

This one got @Peace in a bit of hot water, especially for the sexual stuff. Sure, artists can express themselves how they like, but c’mon man, no need to bring the family into it that way. You can play out your assassination fantasy without alluding to something that sounds a little bit like (at the very least) sexual assault.

John Key – ‘Trotie Dubstep RWC Rugby World Cup 2011’

What. The. Fuck? This is the best and worst thing I’ve seen or heard all day. (Miss you, dubstep.)

Max Key – ‘PARADISE’

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Viewed through a certain lens, this could be as searing a critique of John Key’s term as anything. We once were warriors. Or at least farmers. Now we’re ‘influencers’ and ‘disrupters’. We used to take pride, now we take selfies. Our All Blacks used to wear Canterbury jersey’s made out of heavy, non-wicking cotton, now they wear that fancy Adidas polyester ‘Woven Carbon’. This is our nation now. This is what we aspire to. This is what a post-Key utopia looks like. Paradise.

Postscript

We put this to Twitter, and the people came back with a whole bunch of songs that weren’t literally about John Key but could be read as such with a cheeky wink and an over-zealous nudge.

Steam – ‘Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)’

The Fall – ‘No Xmas for John Key’

James Brown – ‘The Boss’

AC/DC – ‘Highway to Hell’

Bret McKenzie – ‘Man or Muppet’

Beatles – ‘Revolution’

Motley Crue – ‘Time for Change’

Jordan Reyne – ‘Dear John’

Mainers Mountaineers – ‘Miss Me When I’m Gone’

Lesley Gore – ‘Now It’s Judy’s Turn to Cry’

Solange – ‘Don’t Touch My Hair’

Peter Gabriel – ‘I Don’t Remember’

Proud Scum – ‘Jump Off Grafton Bridge’

DJ Khaled – ‘I Got the Keys’

Rollins Band – ‘Liar’

Carly Simon – ‘You’re So Vain’

Kenny Rogers – ‘Coward of the County’

The Carpenters – ‘Top of the World’

Now… What rhymes with ‘English’?


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