And if so, what festival or venue could possibly contain her stratospheric star power?

The Spinoff understands that Chappell Roan is coming to New Zealand in February, after Chappell Roan revealed that she is coming to New Zealand in February. First reported on The Boiler Room, by way of this frenzied TikTok, one of the biggest new names in pop music appeared to reveal her New Zealand plans during a chaotic livestream earlier this year. 

“When are you coming to New Zealaaaand?” Roan read aloud from a flood of questions asked in the stream. It’s worth mentioning two things at this point. One is that the stream is from way back in April, which equates to approximately 48 years ago on the Chappell Roan timeline, and the other is that it is very funny we are reporting this breaking news from four months ago.

Anyway, back to the New Zealand question. “I think next year, next February” Roan casually offered, before adorning a digital cowboy hat and matching handlebar moustache. 

To borrow a hallowed phrase: huge, if true. Chappell Roan has swiftly gone from being lauded as the next big thing in pop music to shattering festival records, raking in award nominations and chalking up television appearances and tiny desks in what feels a lot like overnight success (the truth is less glam: she worked very hard for nearly a decade before finding fame). 

She is also part of what Duncan Greive called the “hypermelodic and horny” pop wave. Joining Charli XCX, Sabrina Carpenter and Billie Eilish with their cheeky, overtly sexual lyrics, Roan’s specific embrace of her queerness has also led to a cult fandom complete with neat flourishes like this, a reference to drag queen Sasha Colby, appearing when you Google her name.

“There is a frank sexuality in her best songs, one which feels electric and free and new to big hit singles. The success of Good Luck, Babe forced a reappraisal of Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess, which reveals itself as a stunning, near-perfect pop album,” Greive wrote. “She is a true creation, self-manufactured, cut from the cloth of drag and with a rich knowledge of pop’s history.”

Which brings us back to the central question: so is Chappell Roan, this singular creation, the single biggest new name in pop music at the moment, still coming to New Zealand in February? And if so, what festival or venue could possibly contain her stratospheric star power? Let us assess the options. 

Option one: Laneway (Auckland, start of February-ish) 

If this Reddit predictions thread has anything to do with it, Chappell Roan is almost certainly going to be headlining Laneway come February next year. The festival made a “triumphant return” this year after a four year hiatus due to Covid-19 cancellations and the Auckland Anniversary weekend floods, with Stormzy headlining and only offending us once. 

The Laneway Facebook page has been very quiet, and nobody responded to our emails, so we must look back in order to look forward. Last year’s first big lineup announcement came on September 5, and tickets went on sale Sep 12. It soon became the biggest pre-sale they’ve ever had, so surely, surely, surely they’ll be looking for someone even bigger to top it this year? 

Option two: Electric Avenue (Christchurch, February 21-22)

New Zealand’s biggest musical festival turns 10 next year, with organisers announcing just last week that it will be expanding over two days to celebrate. Expecting around 60,000 people to descend upon Hagley Park, festival director Callam Mitchell told RNZ that the event will be “the biggest party in Australasia” and “the equivalent of this year’s one on steroids”.

Previously featuring the likes of The Chemical Brothers, Lorde, Flume, could Electric Ave have booked Chappell Roan back in April? “We’ll be announcing one hell of a lineup in early September,” the Facebook page teased. “Over 60 artists will be performing across four stages including 20 international artists.” Chappell Roan is, notoriously, an international artist. 

Option three: Solo tour (let’s be honest probably Auckland, February)

Chappell Roan’s events page lists a mix of solo shows in the UK and Europe and festivals like Austin City Limits and All Things Go in New York, with nothing after October 2024. Given that she’s playing (and selling out immediately) venues like the O2 Academy and the Bataclan, both with a capacity of a couple thousand… could she simply be playing the bloody Powerstation? 

The Powerstation, with a capacity of 1000, seems unlikely. Even more so when my email immediately got a bounceback that their inbox was “full” – possibly with inquiries from Chappell Roan? We’ll never know. Spark Arena already has shows listed in February 2025, including Tyler Childers ‘Mule Pull’ tour. And what is a humble mule if not a pink pony waiting to happen?

Then there’s the stadiums, which would be bold, but perhaps not when you consider Chappell Roan’s trajectory to likely become the president of the United States by next year. A representative for both Western Springs and Go Media confirmed they have no concerts slated for February, and Eden Park didn’t reply, but appears to have only a smattering of cricket scheduled. 

By all accounts, the last big stadium concert date on record is Pearl Jam’s “Dark Matters” tour in November, which means the chance of “fugly jeans” remains higher than ever.

Option four: Dimension NZ (Northland, 02-05 February)

This would be a massive green-out by all parties, but we must explore all our options here. With Splore on a break until 2026, won’t someone think of the buzzy folk? Dimension NZ promises to “leave the ordinary behind and discover the freedom and transcendent wonder of an authentic psychedelic festival experience.” The perfect place for a super graphic ultra modern girl, no?

Option five: Shipwrecked (Te Arai, 07-09 February)

Again, just exploring all our festival options in the name of rigorous journalism. This vibrant boutique music and arts festival takes place near a private lake, and features “interactive installations, many crafted from retired oceangoing vessels… transporting our fellow pioneers into a unique world where tales of the high seas unfold.” The lass loves a mermaid, just saying.

Option six: She’s not coming anymore (Hell, Forever)

This one hurts, but we must hold space for the potential outcome that Chappell Roan will join the ranks of Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Beyonce and Billie Eilish in getting all our hopes up and then skipping out on New Zealand entirely because she’s too big and famous and we are simply a 40% off deck furniture piss country. At least we’ll always have Pearl Jam.