The singer has made a habit of bringing out extremely famous women to dance around during ‘Sally, When The Wine Runs Out’ – so who should pop up in Auckland? 

Everyone loves a little onstage gimmick these days. Whether it’s Taylor Swift playing a different surprise song every night, Sabrina Carpenter arresting different celebrities for being “too hot”, or Lily Allen getting a Hollywood actress to tackle the role of ‘Madeline’ (OK, she only did this once on SNL, but you can bet your Duane Reade bag full of buttplugs that she’s going to keep it up when the West End Girl tour begins in March), there’s nothing more powerful than a novel cameo to feed the insatiable appetite of social media algorithms. 

Enter alt-folk-pop artist Role Model, aka Tucker Pilsbury. Even if you couldn’t pick him in a police line-up, you will likely have heard his song ‘Sally, When The Wine Runs Out’, a gooey country singalong about a fleeting fling with a vino-downing heartbreaker named Sally. What began as a chance to brings his fans onstage for a boogie – always summoned by the utterance “where’s my Sally tonight?” – has now morphed into a star-studded phenomenon of extremely famous dancing Sallys, including Charli xcx, Natalie Portman, Kate Hudson and Olivia Rodrigo. 

With Role Model set to play Auckland’s Laneway festival at 5.30pm on February 5, the countdown is now on to discover who, or what, Tucker Pilsbury has planned for his Sally attack on New Zealand fans. While he could take the coward’s way out and steal a Sally from elsewhere in the lineup (my money would be on Benee for this – The Dare has already done it, Lucy Dacus seems too cool for it and Chappell would surely be too much of a spoiler), we must dare to dream that will get a special ‘Sally’ cameo from a homegrown or homegrown adjacent star. 

Here are the most viable Sally options. 

Lorde

Lorde will likely be back in Aotearoa right on time for Sally o’clock, with her Ultrasound tour kicking off in Auckland less than a week after Laneway. Could be good promo, could also be an affront to good taste and decency for her to front up as a ‘Sally’ after she failed to appear during the ‘girl, so confusing’ remix at Laneway last year. I will not forget Charli xcx warbling “she’s not heeeeeEEErrree” into her autotune mic as long as I bitch walk this Earth. 

Christopher Luxon

As seen in this grim attempt to invite Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce to get married in New Zealand, our prime minister is not afraid to chase after a viral moment or trend, especially one he has absolutely no business being involved in. One eagle-eyed reader pointed out that Christopher Luxon is clearly using his 2026 Summer Playlist on Spotify to send a powerful bat signal straight to Tucker Pilsbury. The message? Fix the basics and make me the Sally. 

Suzanne Paul

I’ve got two words to say to you: Blue Monkey. 

Suzy Cato

I’ve got eight words to say to you: Dancing With The Stars 2018 cast announcement video. 

Jacinda Ardern

She doesn’t have to prep for the Adelaide Writers Festival anymore, plus we know that Jacinda Ardern already has a history with the festival. It was 12 years ago that she DJed for Laneway crowds as their Chucks sizzled into the Silo Park concrete, her cover-heavy set including Beyonce & Andre 3000 doing ‘Back to Black’ and The Mint Chicks tackling ‘She’s a Mod’. We also know that she can do a little dance, as per when she reportedly “did a little dance”.

Rachel Hunter

As the face of the New Zealand summer for so many years, the former supermodel would be a thrilling addition to the Sally line-up. We know that she can move thanks to her unforgettable turn as Stacy’s Mom, and she’s also back in the public consciousness after being cast in I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here across the ditch. Just don’t give her the microphone, otherwise we will be doing breathing exercises until the wine well and truly does run out. 

Rita Ora 

And sadly she thinks she is once again performing at the final of the Rugby World Cup.  

The Dancing Ikea Meatball

Ikea is under the pump in Aotearoa with customer support centres closing down, issues with delivery delays, and fears around their terrifying flammable pine forests. What the flatpack giant really needs right now is to bring the narrative back to what we all love about Ikea, which is their enormous velour meatball mascot dancing to ‘Lil Boo Thing’ or, in this case, ‘Sally When the Meatballs Run Out’. 

Tina from Turners

It’s not just that Tina from Turners can dance, but her arrival onstage would basically be like the second coming of Christ for all those Gen Z’s in the crowd who still believe she is dead. 

James Cameron

The Laneway crowd roars as James Cameron excitedly rips off his Fox jersey to reveal another Fox jersey. He then rips that Fox jersey off to reveal a morph suit which, thanks to cutting edge Augmented Reality Na’vi technology, reveals itself to be yet another Fox jersey. Oh shit, here we go again, indeed. 

Jason Momoa

You ever get the feeling that Jason Momoa is just… lurking behind you at all times? It’s because he basically is. “I’m just waiting for you guys to let me in,” Momoa told 1News last year of his obsession with Aotearoa. “I saw in one of your newspapers we brought in like $1.3 billion in the last year and a half so like, well! If that doesn’t get you citizenship, I don’t know what does!” Could dancing to Sally be what seals Momoa’s billion dollar ticket to residency? With Minecraft 2 set to start filming in April, and Momoa talking up a storm about New Zealand again just last week, I will be keeping my eyes peeled for an unregistered droptop outside the VIP tent for sure. 

Desiree the sensual potato lady

As Tara Ward so astutely observed in 2023, the most glamorous New Zealander of them all is a 40-year-old potato named Desiree. “Her lashes are long and her brows thick, but most unusually for a potato, she has two arms draped in long black opera gloves – because tatties are nothing if not classy,” she wrote. “One elegant limb is raised in a genial greeting, while the other rests seductively on her sweet potato rump.” Please don’t go falling in love, indeed. 

Chlöe Swarbrick 

Western Springs Park is right on the boundary of Auckland Central, which makes it the domain of electorate MP and Green co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick. If the number of brat green “Woke Lesbo” T-shirts in the crowd last year were anything to go by, a Swarbrick Sally coming out onstage and doing a hectic number of dabs would likely bring the house down. 

Sally Ridge

The one, the only… SALLY!!!!!!