A new crop of reality lads just dropped – but which are nice guys and which are F Boys? Alex Casey assesses the cast of FBOY Island NZ.
Dating shows have come a long way since The Spinoff started covering Art and Matilda’s season of The Bachelor NZ way back in 2015. The genre has evolved from po-faced rose ceremonies and solemn stalwart hosts to self-aware voiceovers and former contestants popping up again and again like whack-a-moles, some even eventually turning into hosts themselves.
But no franchise represents the bizarre mutation of the genre quite like FBOY Island, where three women are presented with a group of 20 men – half are “nice guys” and half are “fuckboys”, but nobody knows which is which. Think The Masked Singer, but instead of a celebrity being revealed, the only reveal is what a bad judge of character you are and how terrible the world is.
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Created by former Bachelor producer Elan Gale, FBOY Island looks and sounds like a fake show created within the 30 Rock televisual universe. Eliminated good guys are sent to the “Good Guy Grotto”, and Fboys go to “Limbro”. A sarcastic comedian host roasts all the men all the time, and the women frequently disappear to share notes on the fuckery levels detected.
On October 12, we are getting our own local version in FBOY Island NZ on TVNZ+. Hosted by Shavaughn Ruakere (This is Serial Stuff) and featuring three women named Kiera, Kita and Coco (that’s not going to be a problem at all), the final crop of lads joining the island dropped this morning. So who the F are they and what the F do they want? I scoured their bios to find out.
Cooper Lambert
Whomst? A 22-year-old aircraft engineer from Hamilton who describes himself as “mysterious with a bit of a loose side” and would either buy a house or a 1979 Land Rover Cruiser with the prize money. He has a tattoo of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn.
F Boy? He has a tattoo of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn.
Greg Hunter
Whomst? A 24-year-old sailing coach, model and musician with a degree in both physics and mathematics. Has memorised Pi to the first 120 decimal places and describes himself as “creative, intelligent and funny”.
F Boy? Based on that bio and facial symmetry, I’m not even sure this man is human. Sorry to this alien.
John Middleton
Whomst? A 27-year-old linguistics lecturer from Auckland who describes himself as “polarising” in his bio. “Either you love me, or you love to hate me. People say I’m loud and brash, other people say I’m funny and confident.” He says he is single because he simply has “too much” personality, and yet would spend the prize money on doing a “grocery shop”.
F Boy? Freaky boy.
Logan Brown
Whomst? A 24-year-old perishable air logistics specialist named after Wellington’s most famous fine dining establishment. Logan Brown has been labelled the “King of Arrogance” by his friends and “King of Frozen Pizza Flights” by me. Gets the ick if someone “doesn’t keep herself maintained”. Once dated a set of twins one after the other.
F Boy? F Yeah
Martin Delgado Oro Ojeda
Whomst? A plant-based personal trainer who is setting up his own football academy in Nelson as a way to help connect kids and teens in the refugee community.
F Boy? F No.
Ro Clune
Whomst? A 22-year-old recruitment consultant who has never been in a serious relationship before but does have an unusually wide tongue. Describes himself as deep and empathetic and knows how to play the trombone.
F Boy? Nice guy.
Taite Gaskell
Whomst? A 22-year-old gasfitter and plumber from New Plymouth who inadvertently came up with The Spinoff’s new tagline in his bio: “Spin words, spin yarns, no shit chat.”
F Boy? F Boy.
Thomas Dodds
Whomst? 22-year-old business student from Ōpōtiki. Worked as a lifeguard on Three series Bay Patrol. Loves a good laugh, banter, and taking the piss. Has an amazing bot Instagram handle in @Doddsie11477.
F Boy? Nice guy.
Zac Prince
Whomst? Mr Prince owns a netting company and loves his mum and his dog. He says the emoji that best describes him is “the horse!”
F Boy? Appears a… stable choice 🐴
Dalton Hargreaves
Whomst? A 22-year-old male entertainer who finds that his job can get in the way of his relationships. Describes himself as an open-minded hopeless romantic who is dreaming of a Margot Robbie lookalike. If things go south, he can always marry Cooper’s tattoo.
F Boy? Nice guy.
Denny Barkla
Whomst? The vaguest bio of the lot. This man is a 28-year-old “entrepreneur” who describes himself twice as “laid back”.
F Boy? Impossible to tell from this angle.
Iggy Arroyo
Whomst? A 20-year-old psychology student from Auckland who is the youngest lad of the lot. His best chat-up line is to ask “Where on Earth did you get that?” and then you ask “what” and then he says “that smile”. That degree is paying for itself.
F Boy? [Robin Thicke voice] He’s a gooo-ood boy.
Kaue Amon Krambeck Da Cruz
Whomst? People of the world, a chef has finally arrived to spice up our lives. The 22-year-old from Christchurch is looking for someone “in tune with her emotions” with whom he can “share a good meal and conversation”.
F Boy? Chef boy.
Nathan James
Whomst? A familiar face from Lexie’s season of The Bachelor NZ and the oldest man in the competition at the frail age of 30. A jazz musician hoping to be a “big brother” in the house, and the only one who said he would spend his prize money on his new girlfriend.
F Boy? Surely not.
Ross Ringwood
Whomst? My geriatric 31-year-old eyes first thought this was Jake from Love Island UK. Ross is a 25-year-old administrator and model who is looking for “the love you see in movies” and loves cooking and cleaning. I cannot look this man in the eye.
F Boy? Something’s gotta give here – surely an F Boy.
Sam Casey
Whomst? This man is troublingly proud of his “extremely white teeth which glisten”.
F Boy? I fear he may disgrace the good Casey name.
Sam Wyke
Whomst? A typical “East End cheeky chappy” originally from the UK, Sam is a car salesman who fittingly describes his relationship history as a car crash. If you thought Sam Casey’s glistening teeth was the worst turn of phrase of the lot, wait until you hear this Sam’s party trick – “I can pull a strawberry lace through my nose and floss my throat with it.” I’m crying.
F Boy? Floss boy?
Taynen Keen
Whomst? This 23-year-old from Christchurch is a third-generation hairdresser who can do a “pretty mean” French braid given half the chance, and is saving up for a car with cupholders.
F Boy? Only if the F stands for French Braid.
Will Inwood-Reardon
Whomst? Ventilation technician by day, DJ and amateur actor by night. “Maybe I catfish people into thinking I am special by being so different,” he muses.
F Boy? I am no John Middleton linguistics lecturer, but anyone who starts an answer with “maybe” doesn’t seem like an F Boy to me. But maybe… that’s what he wants me to think.
UPDATE 3/10: A contestant has been removed from this article to reflect his departure from the show following serious court charges revealed in the media.
FBOY Island NZ comes to TVNZ+ on October 12