Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

Pop CultureSeptember 26, 2022

Who the F are the boys of FBOY Island NZ?

Senior writer
Image: Archi Banal
Image: Archi Banal

A new crop of reality lads just dropped – but which are nice guys and which are F Boys? Alex Casey assesses the cast of FBOY Island NZ. 

Dating shows have come a long way since The Spinoff started covering Art and Matilda’s season of The Bachelor NZ way back in 2015. The genre has evolved from po-faced rose ceremonies and solemn stalwart hosts to self-aware voiceovers and former contestants popping up again and again like whack-a-moles, some even eventually turning into hosts themselves. 

But no franchise represents the bizarre mutation of the genre quite like FBOY Island, where three women are presented with a group of 20 men – half are “nice guys” and half are “fuckboys”, but nobody knows which is which. Think The Masked Singer, but instead of a celebrity being revealed, the only reveal is what a bad judge of character you are and how terrible the world is. 

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Created by former Bachelor producer Elan Gale, FBOY Island looks and sounds like a fake show created within the 30 Rock televisual universe. Eliminated good guys are sent to the “Good Guy Grotto”, and Fboys go to “Limbro”. A sarcastic comedian host roasts all the men all the time, and the women frequently disappear to share notes on the fuckery levels detected. 

On October 12, we are getting our own local version in FBOY Island NZ on TVNZ+. Hosted by Shavaughn Ruakere (This is Serial Stuff) and featuring three women named Kiera, Kita and Coco (that’s not going to be a problem at all), the final crop of lads joining the island dropped this morning. So who the F are they and what the F do they want? I scoured their bios to find out.

Cooper Lambert

Whomst? A 22-year-old aircraft engineer from Hamilton who describes himself as “mysterious with a bit of a loose side” and would either buy a house or a 1979 Land Rover Cruiser with the prize money. He has a tattoo of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. 

F Boy? He has a tattoo of Margot Robbie as Harley Quinn. 

Greg Hunter

Whomst? A 24-year-old sailing coach, model and musician with a degree in both physics and mathematics. Has memorised Pi to the first 120 decimal places and describes himself as “creative, intelligent and funny”.

F Boy? Based on that bio and facial symmetry, I’m not even sure this man is human. Sorry to this alien. 

John Middleton

Whomst? A 27-year-old linguistics lecturer from Auckland who describes himself as “polarising” in his bio. “Either you love me, or you love to hate me. People say I’m loud and brash, other people say I’m funny and confident.” He says he is single because he simply has “too much” personality, and yet would spend the prize money on doing a “grocery shop”. 

F Boy? Freaky boy.

Logan Brown

Whomst? A 24-year-old perishable air logistics specialist named after Wellington’s most famous fine dining establishment. Logan Brown has been labelled the “King of Arrogance” by his friends and “King of Frozen Pizza Flights” by me. Gets the ick if someone “doesn’t keep herself maintained”. Once dated a set of twins one after the other. 

F Boy? F Yeah

Martin Delgado Oro Ojeda

Whomst? A plant-based personal trainer who is setting up his own football academy in Nelson as a way to help connect kids and teens in the refugee community. 

F Boy? F No. 

Ro Clune

Whomst? A 22-year-old recruitment consultant who has never been in a serious relationship before but does have an unusually wide tongue. Describes himself as deep and empathetic and knows how to play the trombone. 

F Boy? Nice guy. 

Taite Gaskell

Whomst? A 22-year-old gasfitter and plumber from New Plymouth who inadvertently came up with The Spinoff’s new tagline in his bio: “Spin words, spin yarns, no shit chat.”

F Boy? F Boy.   

Thomas Dodds

Whomst? 22-year-old business student from Ōpōtiki. Worked as a lifeguard on Three series Bay Patrol. Loves a good laugh, banter, and taking the piss. Has an amazing bot Instagram handle in @Doddsie11477.

F Boy? Nice guy.

Zac Prince

Whomst? Mr Prince owns a netting company and loves his mum and his dog. He says the emoji that best describes him is “the horse!”

F Boy? Appears a… stable choice 🐴

Dalton Hargreaves

Whomst? A 22-year-old male entertainer who finds that his job can get in the way of his relationships. Describes himself as an open-minded hopeless romantic who is dreaming of a Margot Robbie lookalike. If things go south, he can always marry Cooper’s tattoo. 

F Boy? Nice guy. 

Denny Barkla 

Whomst? The vaguest bio of the lot. This man is a 28-year-old “entrepreneur” who describes himself twice as “laid back”.

F Boy? Impossible to tell from this angle. 

Iggy Arroyo

Whomst? A 20-year-old psychology student from Auckland who is the youngest lad of the lot. His best chat-up line is to ask “Where on Earth did you get that?” and then you ask “what” and then he says “that smile”. That degree is paying for itself. 

F Boy? [Robin Thicke voice] He’s a gooo-ood boy. 

Kaue Amon Krambeck Da Cruz

Whomst? People of the world, a chef has finally arrived to spice up our lives. The 22-year-old from Christchurch is looking for someone “in tune with her emotions” with whom he can “share a good meal and conversation”.

F Boy? Chef boy. 

Nathan James

Whomst? A familiar face from Lexie’s season of The Bachelor NZ and the oldest man in the competition at the frail age of 30. A jazz musician hoping to be a “big brother” in the house, and the only one who said he would spend his prize money on his new girlfriend. 

F Boy? Surely not. 

Ross Ringwood

Whomst? My geriatric 31-year-old eyes first thought this was Jake from Love Island UK. Ross is a 25-year-old administrator and model who is looking for “the love you see in movies” and loves cooking and cleaning. I cannot look this man in the eye. 

F Boy? Something’s gotta give here – surely an F Boy. 

Sam Casey

Whomst? This man is troublingly proud of his “extremely white teeth which glisten”. 

F Boy? I fear he may disgrace the good Casey name. 

Sam Wyke

Whomst? A typical “East End cheeky chappy” originally from the UK, Sam is a car salesman who fittingly describes his relationship history as a car crash. If you thought Sam Casey’s glistening teeth was the worst turn of phrase of the lot, wait until you hear this Sam’s party trick –  “I can pull a strawberry lace through my nose and floss my throat with it.” I’m crying. 

F Boy? Floss boy? 

Taynen Keen

Whomst? This 23-year-old from Christchurch is a third-generation hairdresser who can do a “pretty mean” French braid given half the chance, and is saving up for a car with cupholders. 

F Boy? Only if the F stands for French Braid. 

Will Inwood-Reardon

Whomst? Ventilation technician by day, DJ and amateur actor by night. “Maybe I catfish people into thinking I am special by being so different,” he muses.

F Boy? I am no John Middleton linguistics lecturer, but anyone who starts an answer with “maybe” doesn’t seem like an F Boy to me. But maybe… that’s what he wants me to think.

UPDATE 3/10: A contestant has been removed from this article to reflect his departure from the show following serious court charges revealed in the media.

FBOY Island NZ comes to TVNZ+ on October 12

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Image: My Mad Fat Diary
Image: My Mad Fat Diary

Pop CultureSeptember 22, 2022

Fat people, we are desirable

Image: My Mad Fat Diary
Image: My Mad Fat Diary

The fat girl glow-up is usually a solo journey, laments Natasha Matila-Smith.

After watching two seasons of My Mad Fat Diary on YouTube, I eagerly anticipated the third, expecting to see three, perfect, hour-long episodes where the two main characters finally reaped the romantic rewards after two seasons of conflict. To my dismay, when they finally released it, the honeymoon phase was already over. 

The show follows Rae as she navigates life as a teenager with the added pressure of hiding her mental illness from her friends. The hint is in the title though; Rae’s issues are exacerbated by how she is treated by others as a fat person. My own experience of fatness found a mirror in Rae. Both Rae and I were taught that, from conception to the grave, fat people are a stain on the perfect fabric of human existence. Fat people are everything bad; gluttonous, selfish, unhealthy, ugly, unlovable. So MMFD, where the fat protagonist is in a relationship, was groundbreaking television for me and a show that I excitedly latched on to. 

At the end of the second season, Rae finally accepted herself and her body, and reunited with the teen love interest Finn, only to see all of the work she did on herself unravelled in season three when he abruptly cheats on her. The problems they face as a couple in season three are largely to do with Rae’s low self-esteem. They eventually decide to remain just friends. Rae, fat but smart girl™,  goes off to uni in Bristol and Finn, the working class lad, stays behind in their comparatively small hometown of Stamford. 

Now, this pissed me off. Not only was cheating out of character for Finn, but it erased every single positive thing that Rae previously learned. I didn’t expect Rae to be magically well-adjusted by the age of 17, but I craved an example of a healthy relationship, and a reliable partner that wouldn’t abandon Rae at the first sight of a mental-health relapse. Sure, it’s unrealistic that a teen relationship will last forever, but we need to see more positive examples of fat people, still learning, in relationships. Representation matters. What I wanted was hope, and instead I found an on-screen depiction of a fat teen’s first heartbreak. 

Finn and Rae

I am not the target age group for such a show, with about two decades more life experience than Rae, but my desire for such fat-love content demonstrated to me that I am maybe still like that teen, impacted by a lifetime of media and social interactions that have demonised me for having extra visual fat on my body. It still confuses me that I, an intelligent and somewhat-accomplished person, can be disarmed by the word “fat”, particularly when it is used as a retort. Why is it the worst thing in the world? 

Growing up, my role models for love weren’t great. I saw male relatives consistently cheat on the women in my life. It took some growing up to realise that it had nothing to do with the women being undesirable in their fatness, and more to do with the men carrying their own insecurities and needs, toxic or not.

To return to MMFD, Finn ultimately is a flawed human who bumps himself off the pedestal Rae put him on but why does Rae have to be sans-boyfriend to realise that she’s loveable? I don’t know if I’m entirely convinced of what I suspect is a lazy writing trope where fat characters have to be alone to become the best version of themselves; the fat girl glow-up is usually a solo journey.

I really wanted to see the characters communicating and talking through their problems, with the one character feeling supported enough to work through their insecurities and body issues within the relationship. Maybe not the most entertaining watch if there is no real conflict but when Rae has to ultimately decide between growth or her boyfriend, I felt like the writers robbed her. I demand a re-write. 

I have been looking at a lot of Instagram accounts about disordered eating lately – albeit created by thinner people – asking questions like, on your deathbed will you regret eating that muffin? They talk about having an abundance mindset (keeping more “bad” food in your cupboards so you don’t feel as if you are being deprived) and instinctive eating. So much content to re-write the indoctrination that fat is bad, though it is often only acceptable for visibly thin people to discuss their toxic relationship with food. In MMFD, Rae is afraid to eat in front of others in case they make connections to her being fat, in case they are disgusted by how she looks when she consumes food.

I still have to spar with myself every day about whether or not cream in my coffee was a good idea, or if I should offset that cake I ate with either two hours of walking or a week’s worth of mental anguish. I’m trying to retrain my mindset. If I go for a walk, it’s because it makes me feel physically and mentally good, not because it’ll entice people to treat me with basic decency. Now, I want to regret things I didn’t do, not the things I ate. I’m so frustrated at myself for all of the opportunities I missed because I told myself (and society reinforced this belief) that I don’t deserve things because I am fat. I don’t look the right way, so I don’t deserve to be loved, was the biggest lie of all. Many years obsessing over food and how I looked, and I should have just been permitted to enjoy being alive. 

More reading

The minister of health won’t say the word ‘fat’. In a new episode of Bad News, Alice Snedden talks to the minister of health about fatness in Aotearoa, except he just can’t seem to say the word.

Fat women answer their internet trolls. Under almost any photo of a plus-size woman online you’re guaranteed to see a stream of abusive, cruel and plain stupid comments. Amanda Thompson asked some fat women what they’d say back.

Fat activism in Aotearoa is having a moment. “My favourite place to be fat is in the moana. I bob around in the water, idly windmilling my fat limbs and thinking subversive, sea-flavoured thoughts. The fat on my body helps with both insulation and buoyancy, and I thank it.”

Loving yourself should have little impact on how another person treats you, but being loved shouldn’t rely on being picture perfect, or confidence perfect either. I’m in a relationship now and I still find it hard to believe that someone wants to be with me. My mind is constantly trying to self-sabotage so I have to continually re-affirm for myself that I am worthy of being loved, worthy of contributing to a healthy committed relationship. Whatever happens in our relationship, I try to make sure that the way my body looks (as opposed to feels) doesn’t factor into any of the decision-making. 

It’s kind of corny to bring up but beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. And it should go without saying that every individual has more to bring to a relationship than their body fat content. If someone does desire you, it’s not just because they are attracted to the way you look. I’m not entirely sure I’ve made a great argument for proving to fat people that they are in fact desirable, but the point is that we shouldn’t have to prove that we are. Fat people – we are desirable. 

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