‘She asked me to fly overseas with her to a slightly sketchy country for a fourth date.’
Want to be part of Dating Files? Fill out the questionnaire here.
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Sexuality: I like who I like
Ethnicity: Māori
Religion: Agnostic
Occupation: Student
My living location is: Ōtepoti
The apps I’m on: Linkedin, Instagram, IRL.
I’m looking for: I like that dating lets you get to know different people and see a different side of life that you might otherwise not see. I also think a healthy long term relationship is a beautiful way to connect with and know another person and I really want that for myself but I don’t want to force it.
Mostly I’m finding: Situationships and hookups. I find usually either they don’t want to date me or I don’t want to date them. A handful of beautiful relationships. I normally jump in quite fast but I’ve been holding out for someone that feels really right for me and when I feel really right for it.
My last serious relationship was: Around a year and a half. Partly super long distance partly not. It was really nice and very intense and enmeshed but it ended because I think we got sort of into an anxious avoidant sort of cycle and couldn’t be there for each other and ourselves.
The worst date I ever had: I’d largely say I genuinely enjoy every date I go on, however I was once doing a summer first date walking coastal town to coastal town for a few hours and she stood up and threw up all over herself and had her mum come pick her up. There wasn’t a second date.
The best date I ever had: It was like a third date and she told me I had “male travel privilege” and asked me to fly overseas with her to a slightly sketchy country for a fourth date. We ended up falling for each other quite hard.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Trip sitting.
The best thing a date ever did for me: Help me with my assignment in a class I was struggling in.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: I tend to watch out for people being too self absorbed either positively or negatively.
On a date I usually wear: Ralph Lauren, Docs.
I have sex when: I think I like someone and I want to feel closer to them.
I wish dating was: More community oriented. I feel like we often treat the people we date as both replaceable especially when they come from totally different circles, or as a list of traits (tall, rich, whatever). I think apps exacerbate this. I think if we were a bit slower and more intentional we might get better outcomes.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: Generosity should be as abundant as love.
Three words that describe my dream date: A beautiful happenstance.
My dating advice is: Probably kindness and compassion to yourself and the people you are with. Yes I know that’s almost unbearably cliche.
Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.
