For a new series looking at dating in New Zealand, a 26-year-old with an open heart is looking for a confident and secure partner.

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Age: 26

Gender: Non-binary woman (She/They pronouns)

Sexuality: Lesbian

Ethnicity: NZ Pākehā

Religion: Spiritualist/Reincarnationist

Occupation: University – Fashion Degree

My living location is: Wellington

The apps I’m on: Hinge

I’m looking for: I’m looking for weird women to engage in hobby activities together with. 

Must be:

• Self-motivated and values her own time, deigns to share it on a semiregular basis; Her own person
• Not needlessly cruel, does not kill bugs, does not delight in the (non-consensual) pain of undeserving others
• Carnivores tolerated, vegetarians preferred
• Should be confident in own skin and proud of imperfection, tolerable towards tourettes, OCD, ADHD – RE***DS WELCOME

Mostly I’m finding: Hinge has yielded one (1) strange woman and she has fulfilled most of these items, but I’m afraid we aren’t sexually compatible :(

In-Real-Life dating via meet-cute has yielded better results, but that’s only because I am an open heart and flirt with all that present to me.

My last serious relationship was: 2.5 years. I loved him very much, as he did me, but it was not a good relo for either of us and we were both mentally ill, exacerbating one anothers’ afflictions. He was annoyed by my Tourette’s tics and this demeaned me in a way that I haven’t yet found a way to describe. I was miserable and lying to myself and I think he was too, but it took me far too long to figure it out. I broke it off messily (new to breakups :/) but now we are friends :) 

The worst date I ever had: 2020 Chicago. She talked about her favourite movie Hard Candy (eugh), did not eat the gyro I bought her, and her dorm room REEKED of cat pee because of an open litter box. I texted 911 to a friend and had them call me and pretend our other friend got hit by a car, never spoke to her again LMAO.

The best date I ever had: Honestly the other night – this lady I’m seeing and I spent a few hours at a goth show at Valhalla; we’d met several times before and flirted but nothing more. Line of Ritalin in the bathroom, chats for two hours, have another smaller line and go back to her friends’ house for cocktails and more convo until 2am. Walk out into a park with beer I brought from pre-drinks and sit under the starry sky talking. Tells me to order a car, so we did to my house, we make out in bed together and sleep soundly. Spent the first part of the morning biting her, and then she accompanies me for breakfast. See her out the door to a tight hug and a kiss. Hopeful.

The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Ahaha I was at somebody’s house in the ditch (IYKYK) at 3am for a screening of Perfect Blue followed by the strangest hookup I have ever had. The regrettable part was going back for a second date… 

The best thing a date ever did for me: Made me feel confident in my own body and skin, made me feel like I do have some fucking swag and that I can actually find and date incredibly beautiful people. Made me realise that maybe I am actually charming and kind of funny, and that the thing I thought was a downside for years and years is actually one of my greatest strengths in conversation. 

The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Drunk and freshly-welted Mongrel Mob members coming over unannounced, mid-coitus.

On a date I usually wear: Something to get my legs out, makeup, something that makes me feel pretty. PERFUME. I fucking sweat so much, bro highkey.

I have sex when: I feel comfortable with someone, and they yield their vulnerabilities to me so that I might feel safe to do the same. Also when I think they deserve it; I’ve been told more often than not that I’m a rather good lay, so I take that into account when choosing where to… dish it out.

I wish dating was: Faster. I like spending time with people; I wish speed dating wasn’t cost-prohibitive. I wish people were more comfortable with being who they are and dismantling their petty facades.

This is what I think about who pays on dates: I’m a student, not broke. I can pay for my half of the fucking laksa bro. If you expect me to pay for all of your food then at least tell me early on so I can consider whether I want to continue the date despite this or to laugh in your face. This isn’t America.

Three words that describe my dream date: Flirty, Amiable, Crass.

My dating advice is: Stay the fuck away from Tinder, Hinge, Grindr, maybe Bumble. Find out what you like to do and make that your whole life. You can not ever, no matter how hard you try, truly love another person until you love yourself. We see in others what we wish to see in ourselves; carry this with you and do not forget it. There is a flame within all of us that is fed by our own passion, which is visible when another gazes long and deep into your eye; keep this flame fed and love will find you.

Want to be part of Dating in NZ? Fill out the questionnaire here.