Love, actually, at 26: 'We got secretly engaged after two and a half months'
A long friendship leads to a quick engagement for two best friends.
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Age: 26
Gender: Transmasc
Sexuality: Omnisexual (but also demi-romantic and grey-ace)
Ethnicity: Pākehā & Irish
Religion: Agnostic traumatised by christianity lol
Occupation: Pet store sales assistant/social media and marketing
Length of relationship: Four months
Children: Reply hazy, try again 🎱
How we met: Queer social group, then we saw a movie with other people there. She drove me home, we talked in her car for three hours and very quickly became best friends. After five months of friendship, I confessed my feelings for her, which weren’t reciprocated. We continued being best friends, hanging out a MINIMUM of two times every week for two years until one day completely out of the blue she told me she had feelings for me, and now we are engaged! (And all our friends said FINALLY.)
The best thing about my relationship: We are both trans and (late diagnosed) Autistic. Having that deep level of understanding is so incredibly special, there's never any having to explain dysphoria, or decisions we make in our transition, it's understood. And being able to understand and accommodate each other's autism, and spend time as a couple engaging in our shared special interest of film and television is really beautiful.
A problem we can't seem to resolve: Due to both having autism and ADHD, our shared executive dysfunction problems lead to things like dishes piling up.
This is how we share/separate our finances: She is significantly wealthier than me and if it was up to her I wouldn’t pay for anything, but I won’t let her do that, so based on my lower income, I pay for groceries and she does other household bills.
This is how we split chores and childcare: I cook, she usually does the dishes. We aren’t the best at keeping up with household chores, but do most of the rest of it together.
Our sex life in three words: Intimate, goofy, learning
The thing that makes me a good partner: I asked her and she said "you are so patient and understanding and you push me to grow and be better when I need it, and you want to grow and be better too".
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Working on my ADHD so I’m not making her late or forgetting to get meat out of the freezer, leaving cupboards open etc.
What I most appreciate in my partner: She accepts me so completely, I can be weird and share all the parts of me that I’ve always been told are too much and she loves those parts too. She is really great at reminding me to take care of myself when I forget to, encouraging me to take breaks when I need to, and redirecting me back on track when I (regularly) get distracted. We regularly hysterically laugh together, even in serious moments without taking away from them.
What I most resent in my relationship: That we are both mortals, and as such our time together as humans is finite.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: We both started our transitions at very similar times shortly before we met, so watching how far we’ve changed is really cool to look back on, but also the personal growth in us both is huge, especially in her, and I am so incredibly proud of her for how far she has come.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We got secretly engaged after two and a half months! It was completely spontaneous and unplanned, we had talked a bit about marriage already and suddenly it felt super urgent so I proposed to her, without a ring, in our bedroom. Only our sisters and three of our closest friends know, but a second proposal with a ring and public announcement is coming very soon….
Our last big fight was about: Genuinely, we have never had a big fight. We get annoyed at each other sometimes of course, but have never fought. When we’ve needed to have hard conversations they’ve been very calm and loving. HOWEVER she likes to eat canned salmon and I find that abhorrent :p
If I hadn't met my partner: I don’t know where I’d be, probably still mega depressed living in my parents’ basement. She has changed my life in so many ways, and her encouragement and support has helped me grow and become more confident, even before we started dating. I love the life we are building together and can’t imagine even for a second a life without her in it.
I expect my relationship to last until: Our love will transcend space and time.
My relationship advice is: Be silly together, frequently. Make intentional time to spend together, but also learn to see the beauty & intimacy of “parallel play” where you are doing your own separate things… together. Communicate honestly early on. Don’t ignore something until it becomes a big issue, have those hard conversations while it’s fresh, and be a safe person for your partner to share those things with you too.
