When people feel like they have no control over their lives – like in the midst of a global pandemic – the comforting certainty of conspiracy theories seems increasingly attractive.

Today I fell down a rabbit hole of rabid Trump supporters who are convinced Covid-19 is both a hoax and also Trump’s greatest moment as president. He has acted decisively apparently, while also knowing that Covid-19 is a Hollywood Liberal Elite cover-up.

And it involves Celine Dion. And New Zealand*.

I first became aware of those massive scoops when I learned this via Facebook: “Bill gates has now stood down. Along with many others, LinkedIn ceo, amazon ceo, for example. Tom hanks has it in Australia!?? wot? Justin trudeas wife? Celine dion and heidi klum with rumours if falling it… shutting the economy down slowly. All these people that are ‘testing positive’ are all a part of the cabal, its a cult for the elite. Trump was one of the 1st people to take action. And is the one who is speaking the loudest and being active. The USA have initiated state of emergency. The WHO are corrupt and owned by the deepstate”.

I had to know more. What was the connection between Celine Dion and Heidi Klum and Covid-19? “Wot?” indeed!

I began a journey that would change me forever. The person who told me about “the cabal” told me “I’m talking about about the deepstate, the cabal. Who was what i was originally talking about, look it up. Its real, its reality unfortunately.” I was told I need to “connec the dots”.

Buckle up sheeple. Get ready for the truth.

On a website called Q I found fellow PATRIOTS with a hard-on for THE TRUTH.

I was quickly introduced to the prevailing conspiracy theory around Covid-19. It’s quite simple. Adrenochrome is a drug for the liberal elite of Hollywood made from actual human brain stem containing hormones from the adrenal gland. Hillary Clinton manufactures this drug by torturing children in a pizza shop (if you order a cheese pizza that’s code). Tom Hanks is addicted to Adrenochrome and he caught Covid-19 from the latest batch of tainted Adrenochrome that came through Celine Dion who is a high priestess from the Church of Satan. She is well-versed in poison as she’s been lacing her children’s clothing line with a chemical that makes our children “gender neutral”. Tom Hanks signalled to the Hollywood Liberal Elite Cabal DeepState in his Golden Globes acceptance speech that there would be a shortage of Adrenochrome. Ellen has closed her studio audience because she’s addicted as well. Heidi Klum is too. And so is Michael Rapaport.

This is a direct quote from a TRUE PATRIOT: “What’s happened to Celine Dion, I remember her as young and vibrant, but BOOM, she’s a far cry from my memory. Let’s not forget Michael Rapaport…he just doesn’t look right, a tad pale, low on iron?”

But if that version doesn’t appeal to you. Don’t worry, I have more. You can basically choose your own (conspiracy) adventure.

• This is “Another False Flag Attempts To Implicate The Great Awakening”
• This virus has been orchestrated to force universities to adopt learning management systems (like Canvas and Blackboard) and move to online teaching, ending schooling as we know it forever.
• Covid-19 will trigger the implementation of Global Economic Security and Recovery Act so the government can take your money.
• Bill Gates!
• A new world war – China/Iran/Italy attempted to preemptively inoculate their own population and then release a disease that would threaten the world.
• A feminist cult of witches created a virus to kill all old white men.
• “We’ll never get Americans to agree to cut social security but they won’t be able to collect if they’re dead!”
• Vaccinations caused it.
• Covid-19 was created by the media to sell newspapers and everyone who has been infected is a crisis actor.
• God did it because we’re all too sinful.
• Back in 2007, the Wuhan Institute of Virology published a paper about its research into Sars-like bat coronaviruses. While they were researching the Sars-like bat coronavirus, they were unhappy with the low rate at which it infected human cells. So they genetically altered it to make it infect human cells more effectively – by giving it an HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) outer shell, which enabled the Sars-like coronavirus to attack human cells via Ace2 receptors.
• A husband and wife “spy team” stole the virus from Canada’s National Microbiology Laboratory.

There’s no evidence for any of this. In fact most of it has been thoroughly debunked. But I would say that as a member of the FAKE NEWS LAMESTREAM MEDIA.

As gross and unseemly as all of these wild (mostly xenophobic and racist) conspiracy theories are, psychologists have explained why people will believe literally anything said on a forum by someone called HELLERYKILLS666.

In an excellent, easy-to-understand piece in Psychology Today in 2018 (conspiracy!), Dr David Ludden wrote that there are three main reasons why people believe impossible conspiracy theories. They are: The desire for understanding and certainty, the desire for control and security, and the desire to maintain a positive self-image.

“Seeking explanations for events is a natural human desire,” Ludden wrote. So is asking questions. “And we don’t just ask questions. We also quickly find answers to those questions – not necessarily the true answers, but rather answers that comfort us or that fit into our worldview.”

For most of us, when we realise we believe something untrue – like that ponies aren’t tiny horses – we just accept that and move on. Conspiracy theorists cannot give up false beliefs so readily or easily, because they feel invested. They just stayed up till 4am reading about Tom Hanks having alien blood and they think they’re the only person who is smart enough to understand.

“Uncertainty is an unpleasant state, and conspiracy theories provide a sense of understanding and certainty that is comforting,” Ludden says.

Over the past few weeks a lot of people have said to me, “I just don’t know what to believe.” It’s an uncertain time right now, and people don’t feel in control of their lives. I am afraid myself – I don’t feel in control. I don’t know if or when schools will close, I don’t know if my events for work will go ahead, I don’t know what I’ll do for work. Everyone is in the same boat.

We are all feeling uncertain and we are all seeking control. “Conspiracy theories can give their believers a sense of control and security. This is especially true when the alternative account feels threatening. For example, if global temperatures are rising catastrophically due to human activity, then I’ll have to make painful changes to my comfortable lifestyle,” Ludden says.

But we know climate change is real. And so is Covid-19. So what can we do in the face of conspiracy? Arguing with facts will never work when you’re coming up against feelings. And to be honest, radical empathy feels impossible when you’re dealing with people who don’t feel any goodwill to anyone outside their own homes.

But the fact is, Covid-19 is a virus. And we just need to follow and trust health professionals trying to flatten the curve and contain the spread. It turns out the truth is out there, it’s just not very exciting.

*Tom Hanks secretly told the Liberal Hollywood Elite Cabal Deep State that they should all meet at the Rising S Company bunkers in New Zealand.