Alex Casey takes a look back at our proud history of going apeshit over supermarket promotions. 

My household is delighted to announce the safe arrival of our brand new Smeg wooden cutting board, weighing a hearty 1.2kg and costing us – checks notes – 50 New World stamps. In some ways, it cost us $1,000 in groceries. In other ways, it was absolutely free, because we would have definitely been buying all that stuff anyway, right down to the handful of posh biscuity almonds, the five yams and the 10 eggs I grabbed at the last minute to nab that final stamp. 

Although some of the more enlightened among us have sworn off supermarket loyalty schemes and sticker-based promotions entirely, I know I’m not the only one doing this kind of nonsensical mental gymnastics as I careen my way towards Pointless Free Shit Avenue. Even if you aren’t adding to your belt of knives like a travelling carnie in the 19th century, there’s always the sea of dead-eyed Ooshies begging to be unwrapped and traded at Woolworths (more about them later). 

Then again, when you consider the duopoly hellscape, maybe we all deserve our stupid little treats. Consumer NZ reports that 82% of New Zealanders say their food budgets are under strain, and 67% of us do not have confidence that government policy will help keep food affordable. Add to that the restrictive new loyalty schemes and all the surveillance stuff, and no wonder we’re numbing the pain with a small figurine of Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc. 

As marketing expert Bodo Lang told RNZ, these promotions are also not just about getting people into stores and encouraging them to spend more money, but are tapping into our “deep-seated desire to collect items and achieve a sense of completion by obtaining every item in a set”. Combine this with Facebook groups, Trade Me rackets and media furore, and we’ve forged a proud tradition of frenzied promotions resulting in injuries, bans and even fights. 

Here lies over a decade of supermarket collectable chaos, ranked by frenzy level.

16. Fruit for Kids, Countdown (2015)

In 2015, Countdown announced it would provide free fruit for kids in all 181 of its stores nationwide, intended to keep kids occupied while their parents did the shopping. A wholesome promotion, but you are hardly going to get hoards of kids barging each other over for a browning banana. What remains less clear is their definition of the word “kid”, because if you think I look young enough to ID me, then surely I also look young enough to have a free apple? I don’t know, I just think it’s funny and an interesting grey area. Don’t check my pockets.

15. Super Insect and Animal Cards, Countdown (2015 and 2020)

The insect cards didn’t seem to drum up much of a frenzy in 2015, but through these educational cards and videos hosted by “the bug man” I managed to learn that wētā have two small feelers on their bottom that measure speed, humidity and temperature – smart butt! Oddly, Countdown didn’t seem to ever release a Super Insect Card for weevils. I wonder why?

Things heated up slightly in 2020, with their animal edition, which made an animal noise when you swiped them through a plastic thing. Unfortunately the only sound I care about is the sound of one New Plymouth granny’s heart breaking after someone stole the complete card collection she lovingly mailed to her granddaughter. “Have you ever seen a little kid get the last card in a group and leap six feet in the air and go ‘yahoo’?” she asked Stuff. “That’s what I get out of it.” I may never smile again.

14. Star Wars Cosmic Shells, Countdown (2016)

In some more wholesome coverage, this little guy in Auckland collected 56 complete sets of Star Wars cosmic shells to donate to children’s hospitals, and in New Plymouth people dressed up in character and gifted complete sets to the kids at Taranaki Base Hospital. Not so much hysteria and mostly just extremely nice vibes. Is that “the force” in action? George Lucas has been approached for comment.

13. Wiltshire Cutlery, Countdown (2022)

In the words of Donkey from Shrek: everybody loves parfait, which must mean everybody loves parfait… spoons? In 2022, Countdown launched a Wiltshire cutlery promotion which included such essential household items as pâté knives and impossibly long-handled parfait spoons. Alas, the promotion didn’t fare well on Reddit, where hundreds of people called for cheaper groceries instead of free spoons. To quote another icon of 2000s cinema: let them eat parfait.

12. Glass containers, Countdown (2021)

Another day, another mob of shoppers fuming because their supermarket has run out of their free promotional thing. I’ve always thought that people who owned glass containers really had their shit together, until I saw all the comments on the Countdown Facebook page of glass container enthusiasts completely losing each and every iota of said shit. “Not a happy chappy,” wrote one Palmerston North customer. “Rack off,” cried another. 

11. KitchenAid ovenware, New World (2021) 

Ah yes, 2021, the year we all lost our minds for a “mini cocotte”, the most coveted item in New World’s hugely successful KitchenAid ovenware promotion. Shipping 900,000 items across the country and smashing previous household-related promotion redemptions by 238%, the country is simply not ready for whenever New World decides to wheel out the mega cocotte.

10. Disney Movie Stars Collectors Cards, Countdown (2016)

In 2016, every $20 you spent at Countdown bought you (aka your inner and/or outer child) a Disney character card featuring projectable frames of scenes from classic Disney films. And in keeping with classic Disney villainy, you had to buy the projector separately for $10. And, if you wanted to store your slides in style there was a collector’s album for $8 or a tin for $4.

Then, and only then, were you allowed to make a giant bowl of popcorn and settle in with the fam for a lovely evening of staring at static Disney slides featuring “scenes such as giant teacups, seven dwarfs and lion cubs” in total silence. Look, I never managed to get a single one of these cards but I know what classic Disney frame I’d insist on showcasing. The truth is out there.

9. Little Shop and Little Kitchen, New World (2014 and 2015)

Everything I want to say about Little Shop I have regrettably said before on this very website. A disgustingly evil genius promotion full of tiny plastic pieces of shite that Sally Ridge can use to make lamps, dads can use to go viral and I can use to feel like a big, big girl in a small, small world. One star for the environment, five stars for the tiny box of tissues that smell like ALOE FUCKIN’ VERA and the mouse-sized Woman’s Day magazine.

8. Disney Words, Countdown (2019)

These little tiles featuring Disney characters and, you get it, words, created a fair share of hysteria in grown-ass radio personalities nationwide. For example, then Edge DJ Dom Harvey fizzing at the bung to be slipped a bonus tile from a clerk’s fanny pack, while his colleague Clinton Randell mused as to whether or not they should put his own child out on the street with a “collecting tiles sign”.

Another adult man, Jason Winstanley from Newstalk ZB, had spent nearly $9,000 collecting more than 300 tiles but was still missing Mr Incredible. “One of my best mates at work, he’s got two boys and he has got two full sets but no Mr Incredible. Where is Mr Incredible?!” he asked the NZ Herald. Thankfully, a 12-year-old child came to the rescue to complete the grown man’s collection.

7. Spiegelau glasses, New World (2019)

Chaos reigned at the beginning of 2019 when New World ran out of some of their fancy-ass Spiegelau glass sets, driving the north vs south divide by offering a restock to the North Island and piddly gift vouchers to the South. What is this, Creative New Zealand funding? It wasn’t all bad news for southerners, though, with one Ashburton bloke taking home 12 sets after spending a bargain bin amount of dollars ($8,000).

“I ended up with a great selection of glasses,” he said at the time. “If you played by the rules, and grabbed your glasses as you went along, you would be fine.” At the end of the day we can all agree that a Spiegelau in time saves neun, and that I know where I’m headed next time I’m in Ashburton and need an ornate crystal tumbler to trap a spider against the wall.

6. Dreamworks Heroes Cards, Countdown (2014)

These 2014 lenticular cards featuring the likes of Shrek, Kung Fu Panda and The Croods were banned at a Dunedin school as kids were using “standover tactics” and trades were often going “awry”. But it wasn’t just kids who became ensnared into the Haus of Ogre. “Our kids are grown up and I don’t even know why I bought the book,” Catherine Guyton told Stuff.

Whether she knew what she was doing or not, she certainly turned a tidy coin, selling the cards she collected for $121 and the empty book for $50. Now you can buy most of the collection for roughly $1, and with the dust settled on these Dreamworks cards I now want to confess that I still don’t actually know what lenticular means.

5. Little Garden, New World (2016 and 2017)

I was once a little drunk at a friend’s house and watched with awe as they unboxed their Little Garden and did the thing where the little dehydrated soil cake swells up with water. Reader, I wanted to eat that little soil cake very badly, so I can’t even imagine how badly I’d want to eat the anthropomorphised veg that it is capable of producing.

Despite appearing to be the most wholesome, environmentally friendly and educational promotion on the list, there remained a seedy industry underbelly to Little Garden. Mob bosses Carla Carrot and Solomon Sage raked in megabucks on Trade Me at the time, with a complete set selling for $210. The life lesson remains: never trust a cauliflower that has eyelashes.

4. Disney Dominoes, Countdown (2015)

These Disney Dominoes climb to the top of the frenzy rankings on several counts. Firstly, they seem to be the only promotional supermarket junk that has already secured a place in Te Papa (do NOT tell Hayden Donnell). Secondly, these jolly little rectangles were absolutely EVERYWHERE at their popularity peak in 2015, with one anonymous parent claiming that they are “still pulling those fuckers out of the back of the couch” to this very day.

But thirdly, and most crucially, they made the whole country go absolutely flaming mad. Countdown-sanctioned swap meets saw “pushing, swearing and underhand tactics” as customers fought to complete their collections. In Mornington, Dunedin, a five-year-old girl was reportedly pushed over by a group of grown-ass adults. Another boy was shoved so hard by the frothing mob that his glasses nearly fell off.

“It was disgusting behaviour,” one punter said at the time. “Give me Remy the Rat or I will break both your legs,” said another, probably. And to think, over a decade later and you can buy the complete set from the comfort of your couch for a mere $15.

3. Assorted Bricks ranges, Countdown and Woolworths (2021-2026)

For over five years this definitely-not-Lego held the country in a chokehold, releasing “eco-friendly” bricks that allowed kids to build their own supermarkets and discover where their food comes from (a tiny plastic definitely-not-Lego cow, duh). But things got really out of hand earlier in the year, when Woolworths launched a to-scale Bricks building site complete with full scaffolding and a “tuck truck” for kids to explore in hard hats. Peter Wolfkamp will be hearing about this. 

2. Smeg knives, New World (2021 and 2026)

When we look back on our lives from our deathbeds, we will no doubt fondly recall the “summer of Smeg” which saw more than 1.2 million stainless steel Smeg knives squirrelled away by fervent New World shoppers in 2021. It wasn’t all sunshine and DIY Freddy Kruger-glove-fashioning, though – the scarcity of the coveted cream and black knife blocks led to a Commerce Commission complaint and at least one Devonport woman left “in complete shock”.

As if it wasn’t already an objectively funny idea to arm hordes of furious shoppers with sharp stainless steel knives, then came the injuries. One customer described slicing her finger “to the bone” while cutting an avocado with a Smeg knife, yet still managed to be complimentary of the product. “It didn’t really hurt because the knives are so sharp it actually did a very clean cut,” she said. There ended up being more than 80 ACC claims as a direct result of the promotion. 

Five years later, our wounds have healed and New World customers are back frothing over the return of Smeg. “Whether they’re creating consommé à la brunoise or a toasted sandwich, shoppers can collect, slice, carve and prep like a pro with premium SMEG knives,” the promotional material reads. I’ll take one finely-sliced finger toastie, thanks.

1. Ooshies, Woolworths (2026)

As of writing, Ooshie stocks have been exhausted at supermarkets across the country and the Woolworths promotion will wrap up this weekend with a series of in-store swap-meets nationwide. It is crazy to think it was just over a month ago that these small pencil-topper figurines from the Disney, Pixar, Marvel and Star Wars universe washed up on our shores with their dead, black eyes and their slightly squishy texture, and changed everything forever. 

With a full set of 40 characters to collect, and ultra-rare pieces issued such as the flocked Bullseye from Toy Story (one was listed for $32,000 across the ditch), Ooshie madness quickly descended across Facebook groups and schoolyards alike as people rushed to complete the set. Kids started local trading posts in smaller communities, and some entrepreneurial types even started selling custom 3D-printed Ooshie stands for hundreds of dollars. 

But soon enough, things went pear-shaped, and schools started banning Ooshies due to them causing fights, distractions, theft and “a bit of kerfuffle” in the classroom. For example, Snells Beach School issued a notice on social media that Ooshies would no longer be allowed on school grounds. “This is due to the increased workload on teachers of dealing with distraction and upset children with missing objects,” the post read. 

“However Mr Morley would really like a Bobba Fett and Stormtrooper Ooshie please.”

This post is an updated version of a story that first appeared on The Spinoff in 2021 (the height of Smeg Summer)