‘What I most resent in my relationship is my own fear of betrayal inherited from past relationships.’
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Age: 29
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Bisexual
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Atheist
Occupation: Teacher
Length of relationship: Three and a bit years
Children: 0 (in this economy??)
How we met: A modern day love story: A few weeks after ending an emotionally and financially abusive relationship, I downloaded an online dating app. Matched and spoke to a few people. Was piqued by one guy in particular and followed him on Instagram.
I proceeded to get overwhelmed and deleted the the dating app within two hours. I did, however, continue to talk to said charming and funny man on Instagram.
The best thing about my relationship: That we communicate well and make quality time for each other, despite our opposing work schedules. That we are a team and we genuinely want the best for each other. Also that we have similar goals, interests, and ways of viewing the world.
A problem we can’t seem to resolve: None yet.
This is how we share/separate our finances: Joint bills, groceries, and spending (for eating out/treats/dates) accounts. With personal income and savings accounts.
This is how we split chores and childcare: N/A
Our sex life in three words: Passionate, messy and loud.
The thing that makes me a good partner: I like to do what I can to support my partner, especially during the work week; cooking, giving massages, leaving little notes, showing up consistently in small and big ways.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Not immediately voicing every anxiety I have. Learning to sit with my fears and reassure myself first.
What I most appreciate in my partner: How smart, patient, and loving he is.
What I most resent in my relationship: My own fear of betrayal inherited from past relationships.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Learning to love myself and accept love from others.
I know people often say “you can’t love someone until you love yourself”. However, sometimes, consistently receiving love for the first time ever provides the blueprint of how to love and show up for yourself.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: That despite growing up on opposite sides of the world, with a five-year age gap, we manage to have many uncanny similarities from our early years.
Our last big fight was about: Him wanting to go out of his way to help me, during an extremely stressful time, and me not letting him.
If I hadn’t met my partner: I wouldn’t have a new-found addiction (and tolerance) for really spicy food.
I expect my relationship to last until: Our relationship prevents us from nurturing ourselves and/or each other.
My relationship advice is: As said by Massive Attack in ‘Teardrop’ – “love, love, is a verb, love is a doing word”.
