No matter the code, the problems are the same when it comes to sport, sexuality and shame, writes former New Zealand men’s netball captain Kruze Tangira.
Watching former Wahs player Kane Evans come out this week started a lot of emotions swirling around. I want to say that all I felt was pride and awe at his strength and vulnerability – and I did feel those things – but I also felt old, uncomfortable feelings surface.
I’ve been out since I was 17, but I haven’t always been proud to be gay. I once felt like a contradiction. I was indoctrinated from a young age, taught at church that being gay was not something to be proud of. I was chained to that construct even as I tried to push against it.
Take those feelings and add sport to the mix and things get harder. When I look back at my journey as a young netballer, my memories are marred by the amount of shame I experienced for playing the sport I loved.
There was constant teasing and mocking. I was told netball was a girls’ sport. But, switch out the sport for a supposedly more masculine one like rugby league and the feelings of shame and the difficulties for queer people remain.
Just look at Kane. What he said in his interview with Australia’s 100% Footy Show on Channel Nine about the pain of hiding his sexuality was devastating. “I was sleeping in parks, doing drugs, trying to ultimately pass away so I didn’t have to come to this [conversation].” Then there was this: “I’ve been fighting a war within since I was about 15 years old, and it’s not sustainable.” But the line that hit me the hardest was this: “I had three goals in life – to play NRL, to buy my parents a house and then I was going to top myself.”
If a league player like Kane, who had so much going for him, was so burdened by the fear of being outed that he wanted to end his life, society and sport have major problems. It’s absurd. It’s absolutely insane that people still have to live with that fear. It needs to change.
We have already come a long way. Former All Black Campbell Johnstone came out in 2023. Like Evans, he spoke of trying to repress his true self. “I pushed that side of me down deeper and deeper,” he told Seven Sharp. In the end, he says he came out to pave the way for others. “If I can be the first All Black that comes out as gay and take away the pressure and stigma surrounding the issue it can actually help other people,” he said.
It was a huge moment for a sport thought of as ultra masculine. The response was encouraging: care and love were directed towards him. But, still, it’s telling that he, like Evans, didn’t come out until after his professional playing career was over.
How do we ensure that when sports people are tying up boot laces, donning head gear, or putting on a netball bib, they can feel free to be who they are? Well, Kane has just pushed us another step towards that dream. By revealing his vulnerability this week, he has shown strength. I think he has better, more days ahead of him now, and he has just ensured others do too.
