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SportsApril 26, 2016

KFC Super Rugby power rankings: Crusaders just wanna have fun

Senior sports writer
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The Chiefs have finally been toppled off the top spot, only to be replaced by another New Zealand team in Scotty Stevenson’s latest Super Rugby power rankings.

1. Crusaders
Rd 9: 40-14 v Brumbies
Last week: 3 (up 2)

Have you noticed how much fun the Crusaders are having? Me too. And that’s why they are winning. Forget all the other bollocks about victory streaks, and forget, too, any sentence that includes the phrase “first time since”. Just put it all down to a bunch of lads enjoying their footy. That’s weird, the game plan hasn’t changed an awful lot, the playing roster still features a tonne of veterans, the coaching staff is the same… Oh, that’s right, there’s not a whole lot of dudes worrying about playing for another team at another tournament in November.

2. Chiefs
Rd 9. 28-27 v Hurricanes
Last week: 1 (down 1)

In true New Zealand rugby style, the Chiefs managed to win a game of rugby against a tough conference opponent for just the second time post-bye, at a venue they had triumphed at just twice before in 11 attempts, and still feel miserable about it. No one does victory misery like a New Zealand rugby coach. Okay, fair enough, the Chiefs scrum and lineout got schooled, they gave away too many penalties, missed too many tackles, and turned the ball over too much, but, on the plus side, THEY WON. That’s why they’re here.

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3. Lions
Rd 9: 45-10 v Kings
Last week: 4 (up 1)

There’s an old African saying that goes “The drier the waterhole, the thinner the warthog.” I have no idea what that means, how relevant it is here, or whether or not it is actually an old African saying. What I do know is the Lions did exactly what they should have done against the Kings, which is to say they put them away without too much fuss and looked good in the process. Have I told you how much I love the Lions?

4. Hurricanes
Rd 9: 27-28 v Chiefs
Last week: 3 (down 1)

Watching the Hurricanes fall to the Chiefs by a single point on Saturday was like watching an 80-minute documentary of the entire history of the Hurricanes, narrated by New Zealand’s Morgan Freeman, Golden Tonsils Grant Nisbett. It had everything: the undeniable brilliance of the backline, the extreme athleticism of the loose forwards, big tackles, sidesteps, counter-attacking runs, kicks into the wind, a crowd…and just when the Canes were about to score the last minute winner, they dropped the ball, with an open try line.

There is nothing more Hurricanes than that.

5. Stormers
Rd 9: 40-22 v Reds
Last week: 9 (up 4)

Well, well, well, the Stormers scored a whole bunch of points. What? It was against the Reds? Ah, right. I’m sick of trying to figure out where the Stormers stand in the scheme of things. They still play too much in their own half, and they won this one on superior discipline as opposed to genuine skills. They are a good team but they can’t seriously be thinking they are championship contenders with this style of play, can they?

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6. Waratahs
Rd 9: 49-13 v Force
Last week: 12 (up 6)

I was a fortnight early on predictions of the Waratahs finding their mojo, but they finally did. Israel Folau now holds the record for the most Super Rugby tries for the Waratahs, and there’s every chance, considering they have a game in hand, that they’ll now go on to win the Australian conference. There is too much quality in this side to see them slip back into their losing ways now. Look out, the Waratahs are the biggest climbers this season in Power Rankings.

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7. Highlanders
Rd 9: 14-15 v Sharks
Last week: 5 (N/C)

Why does every team think they can run through the Sharks’ midfield? The Sharks midfield is on maximum security lock down. Of course the Highlanders still tried, even though they lost one of their own midfielders, Jason Emery, after the wee man from Manawatu pulled off a dangerous charge on an airborne Wille le Roux that would have given him lifetime membership to the Cobra Kai Dojo. The Highlanders dropped the ball lots too. This was the opposite of a bounceback, whatever that is. The Landers look flat. Dunedin needs to host a street party for them.

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8. Bulls
Rd 9: BYE
Last week: 8 (N/C)

Just when the Bulls were starting to find a groove they go and have a bye week. I hope they have not spent the week watching endless replays of Morne Steyn’s kicking game.

9. Blues
Rd 9: BYE
Last week: 8 (down 1)

The problem is, the Blues bye week means the New Zealand Herald had to run stories about some teams called the Highlanders, Crusaders, Hurricanes and Chiefs. This was not good for the Auckland press corps. To make up for the lack of poor reviews, Power Rankings has dropped them one place.

10. Rebels
Rd 9: 36-14 v Cheetahs
Last week: 13 (up 3)

Perfectly balanced from the Rebels in week nine against a team that tried to make the magic happen again, but came unstuck against a superior team. The Rebels missed just nine tackles in the match, which is their best defensive effort of the season, and they kicked well in play to force the Cheetahs to return the ball out of their own defensive third. Smart week for the Rebels who now sit on top of the Australian conference. I’m really wanting to buy the Rebels, but I’m just scared of being burned again.

11. Sharks
Rd 9: 15-14 v Highlanders
Last week: 10 (down 1)

The Sharks played with a one-man advantage for 65 minutes of the match against the Highlanders and sneaked a one-point win. I cannot stress enough how impressive that steadfast adherence to not attacking a team at any cost is. It takes amazing self-control as a team to say, “I know we have an overlap whenever we want one, but let’s just make our tackles, and not get too excited about trying to score tries.” I admire the Sharks for that. They have the self-control of a field full of Stylites. They pray to the God of defence. Good luck against the Chiefs.

12. Brumbies
Rd 9: 14-40 v Crusaders
Last week: 6 (down 6)

This loss shows one thing: how bad the Waratahs were last week in Sydney. Where have the Brumbies gone? It is remarkable to think that this is the same team that put 50 on the Hurricanes in round one. Is it the front-office fracas? Is David Pocock that important to them? Has the person who designed their camouflage strip ever been in a war zone? Where? In a candy shop? I’ve never seen a Brumbies side look more bored or more predictable.

13. Cheetahs
Rd 9: 14-36 v Rebels
Last week: 10 (down 3)

The Cheetahs put 90 points on the Sunwolves last week, then went to Brisbane and got smashed to pieces by the Rebels, who the week before had been smashed to pieces by the Hurricanes. All of which means the Cheetahs’ result against the Sunwolves is the greatest outlier in the history of Super Rugby, and that the Cheetahs were possessed last week by a tokolosh.

14. Force
Rd 9: 13-49 v Waratahs
Last week: 11 (down 3)

Oh.

15. Sunwolves
Rd 9: 36-28 v Jaguares
Last week: 18 (up 3)

There’s a place for unashamed sentimentality on the Power Rankings and the Sunwolves deserve all the credit they can get for a chase down win over the Jaguares. Yes, the Jags, Hags, Ags, have been a massive let down, but take nothing away from Tokyo’s finest. A 120-point swing in a fortnight is something to cherish, as is loosehead prop Masataka Miami’s defence.

16. Reds
Rd 9: 22-40 v Stormers
Last week: 15 (down 1)

For the second straight week the Reds were slaughtered by a South African team. So much for a resurgence after their one-point win over the scrappy and panicky Highlanders in round seven. The Reds can’t play in anything less than 99% humidity.

17. Jaguares
Rd 9: 28-36 v Sunwolves
Last week: 16 (down 1)

Allow me to quote last week’s Power Rankings:

“Surely this is the most disappointing team in the competition given all the pre-season predictions about the strength of their roster. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Sunwolves beat them this weekend.”

I also do tarot readings on every second Tuesday.

18. Kings
Rd 9: 10-45 v Lions
Last week: 17 (down 1)

More Reading

Allow me to quote last week’s Power Rankings:

“This is not going to be pretty for Kings fans.”

The Kings had 36 rucks in the entire game against the LIons, and ran for a team total of 128 metres, which is an all-new low in Super Rugby history. Not pretty? Try guy from the Goonies ugly.

Keep going!
New Zealand v Sri Lanka – 2nd T20

SportsApril 15, 2016

Have the Black Caps truly turned things around?

Guest writer
New Zealand v Sri Lanka – 2nd T20

Alex Chapman took the opportunity to look at the last year of New Zealand cricket, bookended by two brutal defeats. 

New Zealand v Sri Lanka - 2nd T20

What if we’d bowled first? What if Brendon McCullum hadn’t been bowled early? What if simply being nice and the spirit of the game were enough to carry a team to a world title? What if…

It’s been just over a year since the 2015 Cricket World Cup Final which (and sorry to slice open that wound and remind you) New Zealand lost. Late last month, New Zealand lost again, this time in the T20 World Cup in India. So, has anything really changed, or has nothing changed at all?

Maybe, it’s a bit of both.

In the wake of the one-sided world cup final at the MCG, the Black Caps began the fresh season (does cricket even have a season?) by trying to find a way to stop England beating them at their own game. Hopes were high for the New Zealanders in the UK, but the home side showcased a brand of cricket that neatly mirrored, then eclipsed the Black Caps.

England’s woeful world cup, and it was truly woeful, was suddenly a distant memory, as distant as Tim Southee’s seven wicket haul in Wellington. The likes of Joe Root, Eoin Morgan and Jos Buttler flogged the Kiwi bowlers to all parts, while the New Zealand batsmen struggled to even keep up. The One-Day series finished 3-2 in favour of England.

If that series was frustrating, the test series was infuriating. McCullum’s attacking style had every one of its flaws exposed as the Black Caps let a coveted win at Lord’s slip. As Andrew McGlashan of ESPNCricinfo.com wrote,

“Shortly before lunch on Saturday, New Zealand were 404 for 3, building a lead, and England’s new era was heading for a difficult start. At 6pm on Monday, with less than 10 overs of a compelling Test match remaining, Trent Boult upper cut Stuart Broad towards third man where Moeen Ali, stationed there by Alastair Cook but not right on the boundary edge, took a superbly judged running catch to earn England a 124-run victory and complete a remarkable turnaround.”

The Black Caps atoned at Headingly, but a leveled series fell well below expectation. New Zealand fans were once again left to ask themselves, “what if?”

There was a tour of Africa – short-lived, largely forgotten – before the tour New Zealand fans had waited for, finally arrived. Despite all the history, all the struggles of a mere handful of New Zealand sides in Australia, Kiwis were licking their lips at the prospect of feasting on some kangaroo.

The reality was sobering. What are you guys doing? Why are you playing those shots? Why are you bowling in those areas? WHY DID YOU PICK THAT GUY? The Aussies walloped the Kiwis in Brisbane, there was a high scoring draw in Perth (and one hell of an innings from Ross Taylor) and the guinea pig pink ball test in Adelaide ended inside three days, with another Australian victory. What if…

December brought with it test success against Sri Lanka. Nothing says Christmas in New Zealand like the sight of eleven Sri Lankan cricketers shivering in the outfield at Dunedin’s University Oval. It’s as seasonal as a pohutakawa in bloom. Test success became one day success, which became T20 success. The Sri Lankan tour was the boost the Black Caps needed; it was the boost their fans needed. It was the start of the last genuine summer of McCullum.

And it all boiled down to one last tour. The return visit of Australia would be the litmus test for just how far the Black Caps had come since electrifying the nation during their best-ever cricket world cup. This was McCullum’s last stand, a chance to walk into cricket’s sunset with a home test series win over Australia. A chance to join the immortals of the New Zealand game.

The Black Caps lost both tests. McCullum went down swinging. He went down scoring 145 in his final test. He went down the way he came up: at 100 miles an hour, bat flying, hungry for history. He went down hitting the fastest ever test century.

I’d met Brendon McCullum twice. The first time was the day before the Cricket World Cup semi final last year. I found myself in the same hotel as the New Zealand team. With my girlfriend in tow, glass of red wine in hand, I walked towards a small table where McCullum sat with a couple of mates. “Good luck tomorrow boys,” I stuttered.

“Thanks mate,” was McCullum’s reply.

Eye contact! Genuine appreciation! I was shocked. I’d heard the stories. We all had. He was arrogant, he was rude, he only cared about himself. No, not on this day. I was a giggling schoolgirl, a Directioner meeting One D. My girlfriend thought it was the funniest thing she had witnessed, but she didn’t understand. This was the man I’d dreamed of meeting; the man who had made me want to buy that bat, and play that shot, and, in more recent times, set that outrageous field.

I met him for the second and final time at a press conference later in the year. He thanked the media, he smiled at every question. He was as cool as – he was as cool as Brendon McCullum. He was asked about his style of play. What if he could be just a little more circumspect? What if he didn’t chase every ball he faced? What if…

…Then McCullum retired. And cricket fans wondered what it would be like.

But then Martin Crowe died, and the what if’s no longer seemed to matter.

Crowe’s death was a jolt for me for two reasons. First, like me, he played for the Cornwall Cricket Club in Auckland. We train and play beneath Maungakiekie, where once were scattered the ashes of Martin Crowe’s father. It’s the ground on which Hogan played his final game; on which he learned and refined his craft – a craft which we know made him into the tortured genius this country loved. We played the week after Martin Crowe died. We wore black arm bands and observed a moment’s silence. When I walked from the middle I had to remove my sunglasses and wipe away the potential tears. We all took time to remember why we play this crazy, pedantic, emotional game.

Martin Crowe

A second reason: Martin Crowe was born on the same day, in the same year, as my Dad. He’d have you believe it was in the exact same room as him, but the same hospital is just as good. My dad messaged me the day Hogan died. He told me how grateful he was for his health. I was grateful for that, too. What if…

…I never knew Martin Crowe but a colleague and friend of mine, Tim Roxborogh, knew him well. Roxy and I went for a net the week after Crowe’s funeral. I was hesitant to ask him about the service; I had prepared myself mentally that he may cry, or tell me to change the subject.  Roxy didn’t do either. Instead he spoke of how genuinely grateful he was that his mate Marty had been in his life.

And now we speak, as cricket fans, of how genuinely grateful we are to have Kane Williamson in our team. The last 12 months has seen the continual rise of McCullum’s replacement, our latest batting master. As calm as a windless day, Kane Williamson has delighted cricketing fans around the world, outclassing other rising stars like Steve Smith and Virat Kohli along the way.

Williamson has posted a 50-plus average in all forms of cricket over the last 12 months. He has done so with a calculated and composed style that brings to mind – yes – MD Crowe. What if he surpasses Crowe?

And what of the last twelve months? Has anything changed at all? Martin Crowe is gone, yes, and Brendon McCullum has retired, but now we have Kane Williamson – a man who embodies the best of Crowe and who grew into a leader under McCullum’s fun-first philosophy. Things haven’t so much changed, they have advanced.

In thinking about the last twelve months, we should look upon New Zealand cricket simply as a continuum, along which there will be wins and there will be losses, and along which, because such is the nature of this strange and confounding and idiosyncratic game, there will always be the question of what if…