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A Sims death pool (Image: Sharon Lam)
A Sims death pool (Image: Sharon Lam)

MediaJanuary 30, 2022

My architecture career began with The Sims™

A Sims death pool (Image: Sharon Lam)
A Sims death pool (Image: Sharon Lam)

It started with virtual death traps, and it ended in an architecture degree. Sharon Lam reflects on the real world impact of the fake world within the Sims.

Architects, theme park designers and minesweepers have one thing in common: they all have gateway computer games. Perhaps these occupations should thank game designers for promoting their field, this is not always the case (though with recent hits like Goat Simulator, anything is possible). But does a pro minesweeper translate into a top level explosives handler? Are virtual roller coaster tycoons the theme park designers of today? With a master’s degree, a few years of work experience, and hundreds of hours spent on The Sims, has being a Sims addict made me any better at architecture?

The first time I played The Sims was during free-time in ICT class. The game itself needs little introduction – the ‘virtual doll house’ was released in 2001 and the power to control Sims, from where they pooed to how they died, proved to be a hit, and the game is now in its fourth iteration. Having been a seasoned child of character-driven soft toys and roofless Lego houses, The Sims fed straight into my passion of being a recreational divine creator. I quickly found that 15 minutes each week was not enough. I asked my dad to take me with him the next time he went to “his guy”, i.e. a guy in a subway who came down to Singapore from Kuala Lumpur each weekend to hawk bootleg Stephen Chow VCDs and hot computer software like Windows 2000, Clipart packages, and to my joy, The Sims. 

Two Singapore dollars later, I had domestic access to the Sims world. My early days of Simming were tough. Unlike the households at school who all mysteriously had thousands and thousands of Simoleans, all my Sims were broke. I spent the entirety of my precious computer time trying to improve their charisma and mechanical skills while they were screaming at me for food. By the time my mum yelled at me to get off the computer, I had barely given them furniture. 

Finally, an older girl on the school bus put me out of my misery by telling me about cheat codes in an incredulous tone with a lot of ‘duhs’, performing this act of charity with all the superiority that comes with being three years older than an 11 year-old and I am sure the adjoining ego boost was large enough to carry her through the rest of her days. Anyway, I now had the secret of “rosebud!;!;!;!” bequeathed to me, and I was in a whole new world. I could do and build anything I wanted. 

My initial designs fell into the universal Sims 1 style of architecture. And by this architectural style, I mean outright death chambers. Pools with no ladders, doorless halls filled with flammable rugs and dozens of fireplaces, small little cubicles trapping those unlucky enough to have wandered on to the property. When my friends came over we would do speed runs, timing on our Baby G’s who could kill a Sim the fastest (fire-based methods always won). 

A fiery death in Sims 1. Image: Youtube

While murder may have lured away the possibility of any architectural prodigy, there are aspects of the game that I think do have genuine architectural merit. The game itself was originally designed as an architectural simulator, and the final gameplay involved constant zooming in and out and rotation between four isometric views. It is my scientifically-unchecked hunch that this imprinted in my mind’s eye a better ability of visualising things from all angles. And in architecture where, like a serial liar or extorting psychic, you have to do a lot of accurate imagining of invisible things, this skill is indispensable. 

When I wasn’t killing Sims, I spent the bulk of my time solely in the buy/build mode, the part of the game where time freezes and now-iconic orchestral music plays as you create houses for those lucky enough to live. Here I was able to indulge in the satisfaction of dress-up, not with a tangle-haired Barbie, but with land and space, a baby step into architectural and interior design. Unlike Lego, I could change the colour of the floor and walls with a click, and place whatever furniture I wanted in as many rooms as I wanted. And all this was for the moment I was finally ready to click back into live mode. At the sight of a Sim walking into a room that wasn’t there earlier, I would feel that my job was done, and would take a drag on my Pocky with the satisfaction of a big-time property developer. Many years later, I would feel a similar satisfaction by walking onto a site that was beginning to look like the design I had been working at on my computer. For the very first time, walls that previously hadn’t been there now were, just as I had clicked them to be. I had become that Sim myself. 

A stunning example of Sims architecture. Image: Youtube

After the Sims 1, I dabbled in Sims 2, but really got back into the game with Sims 3. There is now 360 degree rotation, and you can zoom in to the level of your Sim’s face. Buy/build mode is way more advanced and there are hundreds of creators sharing custom content online, including recreations of real-life buildings like Frank Lloyd Wright’s Falling Water. On days when the depressing realisation that working in architecture is just another job where you are making some rich person more comfortable (directly, through a nice new house, or indirectly, through more profit) is especially frontal, the Sims remains good escapism. Design itches can be scratched without thinking about construction waste or how the price of a client’s Italian bathroom tiles could pay for an entire tertiary degree. 

Along with the buy/build mode, Sims themselves are now more advanced, able to have personality traits and notably, can even get out of pools without ladders – they just push themselves out with their arms like real humans do. One can, however, still build walls around those pools, and perhaps as testament to the enduring relevance of architecture, Sims still cannot walk through walls.

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Image by Tina Tiller
Image by Tina Tiller

MediaJanuary 28, 2022

Benedict Cumberbatch loved New Zealand – he also stank it out

Image by Tina Tiller
Image by Tina Tiller

Local media has again erupted after Benedict Cumberbatch revealed that he loved his 2020 stay in New Zealand. But something stinks about his story. 

This week Benedict Cumberbatch made the mistake of mentioning, for about the three thousandth time, that he loved being in New Zealand while filming Jane Campion’s The Power of the Dog in 2020. Spending over five months here, including during the first Covid-19 lockdown, Sir Cumbers has been extremely generous in his praise of our country, gushing to various media outlets about this “welcoming place” that he “loved” and considered “a new home.” 

But there’s one crucial detail missing in the latest round of crooning Cumberbatch coverage: the notoriously yum-smelling actor chose to absolutely stink himself up while he was here. To fully embody The Power of the Dog’s brooding ranch owner Phil Burbank, Cumberbatch stopped showering in preparation for filming. He told Esquire that he craved a “layer of stink” on the character, saying: “I wanted people in the room to know what I smelt like.” 

It didn’t stop at bathing, either. Phil Burbank goes hard on the durries, so Cumberbatch went hard on the durries. “I gave myself nicotine poisoning three times,” the Esquire article also revealed, “when you have to smoke a lot, it genuinely is horrible.” This, combined with the fact that he asked wardrobe to stop laundering his costumes, creates quite the tang in the mind’s nose. “The minute I put those clothes on, I was [Phil]. I could smell him,” Cumberbatch said, . 

Do you smell?

Given that this is not even the first time that a stinky actor has plagued our pristine shores, The Spinoff has crunched the data and done the relevant contact tracing to try and stop the stench. Here are the locations of stink-terest visited by a possibly ponging Benedict Cumberbatch while he was in Aotearoa, a place that he allegedly “loved”, nearly two years ago. 

Ponsonby Social Club, Auckland

If you were in Ponsonby Social Club on Saturday June 20, 2020, you are a close contact of the Cumberstench. As reported by Newshub, Benedict Cumberbatch and co-stars Kirsten Dunst and Jesse Plemons were said to enjoy “top shelf stuff” at the Ponsonby Road hotspot, including some Japanese whiskey and tequila. Sounds like some pretty pungent liquor. Sounds like somebody trying to cover their tracks. Sounds like the exact kind of stinker who would move into a “more private area” (smell-proof chamber?) as the night progressed. 

Summerlee Luxury Retreat, Hawke’s Bay

In one of the most impressive examples of investigative journalism of the last decade, an eagle-eyed Hawkes Bay Times reporter spotted a bookshelf in the background of Benedict’s Zoom call that looked a lot like the bookshelf in Summerlee Luxury Retreat in the Hawke’s Bay. According to their website, Summerlee Luxury Retreat boasts plenty of places to bathe, including a pool, a spa and seven bathrooms. 

But, using the power of important journalistic tool of red circles, I would like to draw your attention to ANOTHER crucial detail that suggests NONE of those facilities were utilised by the ‘Batch. 

Original circle on right by Hawkes Bay Today, additional circles on left by The Spinoff.

Do you see? His nostrils are flaring. His mouth is upturned in disgust. All my modeling points to one possible scenario: Cumberbatch is smelling himself in this moment. Given that Summerlee is within “easy reach” of New Zealand’s largest gannet colony, and that gannets are famously New Zealand’s stinkiest bird, you have to once again ask – coincidence or cover-up? 

Unnamed Sushi restaurant, New Zealand

Cumberbatch has repeatedly shared an anecdote about director Jane Campion inviting him out to a sumptuous sushi lunch while he was, as The Spinoff understands, in a state of peak stench. “I was literally emanating – I had a biohazard zone around me,” he told USA Today. “It was not a good time to cuddle up to Cumberbatch and take a selfie.” Retelling the story again on Late Night with Seth Meyers, he recalled walking “five feet” in front of the director, and that his malodorous musk caused selfie hunters to “run in the opposite direction”.

To be safe, anyone who went to any sushi restaurant in New Zealand in 2020 should probably have a shower. 

Uptown Bounce, Auckland

The Spinoff has spoken to an anonymous source who spotted Cumberbatch at popular Auckland trampoline park Uptown Bounce in July, 2020. “Most memorable thing from him being there was that he was wearing trackpants but they seemed like the most expensive/luxurious trackpants in the world,” they said, “and he stunk.” 

Anyone who has been on or near a trampoline in the last two years is being asked to spray themselves with Impulse and/or Lynx Africa. 

Camberley Dairy, Hastings

As reported by Hawke’s Bay Today, the go-to publication for all things Cumber and Batch, a dubious source claimed to have seen the star at the Camberley Dairy. “Pretty sure he shoplifted a bag of Burger Rings,” they recalled. The Spinoff has no further comment to make without a lawyer present, apart from that Burger Rings are one of the top three chips, and that anyone who has come into contact with Burger Rings in the last two years is deemed a legend. 

Mudbrick Vineyard, Waiheke Island

“Sometimes I forget that I work at a bougie winery,” said Haylee Oliver, assistant vineyard manager at Mudbrick Vineyard, “but today I was cruising by the winery restaurant on my tractor and saw Benedict Cumberbatch sitting there.” The key words “cruising” and “tractor” suggest that the exposure event was both fleeting in duration and physically distanced, so Waiheke residents are advised to self-monitor for any alarming aromas. 

Craggy Range, Hawkes Bay

“Saw him at Craggy Range for lunch! I fangirl’d out BIG TIME!” Nic Olsen told The Hawkes Bay Today. “He wasn’t keen on a selfie.” There’s no mention of what he smelled like during his visit, but the selfie rejection suggests it was most likely because of the fumes. I would also like to point out another chilling detail from my very own Craggy Range reporting from 2019

See the caption on this rump shot from my own trip? “Oh misty eye of the mountain below” is of course a lyric from the song ‘I See Fire’ by Ed Sheeran, which was of course commissioned for the soundtrack for The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug in 2013, which of course stars Cumberbatch as the titular Smaug. Coincidence? Almost certainly. Interesting? Barely. More to come on this story as it develops. 

Did you smell Benedict Cumberbatch in 2020? Get in touch alex@thespinoff.co.nz

This article has been updated to reflect the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch was spotted, and possibly smelt, at both Craggy Range and Mudbrick Vineyards. 

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