The Third Age shines a light on interesting folks over 65 and dives into what it’s like to be in that age group. Today, we meet Barbara and Ron Dunbar.
Barbara and Ron Dunbar have lived full lives. They were married in January of 1959 and have been together ever since. They lived in Mosgiel, just outside Dunedin, for many years. There, Barbara was a line dancing instructor and active member of Silverstream Women’s Group. Ron worked as a “fitter-turner” (which I learned means engineer) and had a side hustle doing videography for weddings.
In 2007, Barbara and Ron picked up their life and moved to the North Island. They landed where they live now – in a cosy house at Summerset Aotea, which is where I sat down with them for a chat about their lives. They’re pretty busy with everything from bridge club to choir competitions and village activities including twice-weekly happy hours (Ron is a “whisky person” and Barbara is a “real mixture”). The pair are proof that life after 80 can still be a lot of fun.
How did you meet?
Ron: We met through mutual friends and were together for five years before getting married. I was 22 and Barbara was 20. I had to get permission from her mother to marry her before she was 21.
Barbara: We’ve been married for 66 years now!
What’s the secret to being married for that long?
Ron: Understanding and tolerance play an important part in any relationship.
Barbara: I think we’re lucky because we’re really compatible. And I wouldn’t say that it’s been perfect – of course we’ve had our ups and downs – but we’ve just got on with it!
What did you do for work?
Ron: I was a fitter-turner, an engineer. After completing my apprenticeship I commenced work with a large engineering firm as a draftsman for the sheet metal departments. After a few years I was made workshop supervisor for the whole place, and that carried on for a few more years until I was made project engineer.
Barbara: I was an office lady at Hallensteins, and before that I worked at Dunedin Savings Bank. But I had to give that up when I got married, which was the rule back then for women. Those were different times.
Ron, what are some of your lifelong passions and hobbies?
Ron: I sang in the Royal Dunedin Male Choir for over 35 years. It was great. When we moved up here I joined the Wellington Male Voice Choir. In my opinion, four part male singing is one of the best choral combinations.
We used to have a choir here at the village but it’s currently in recess. The choir here was started in 2011 by the Summerset activities coordinator. We practiced for three months, and then we came first equal in the retirement village choir competition.
Another thing I’ve always been interested in is photography. Down south, I used to do videography for weddings and 21sts. Nowadays, I take photos for events around the village. We recently had a Midwinter Dinner, and the theme was ‘Razzle Dazzle.’ Another photographer in the village and I take photos all around, and then we pick the best of them and put them on the community board. Anyone can order prints if they want them!
How about you Barbara?
Barbara: I was involved with the Silverstream Women’s Club for many years. You could say I rose through the ranks – I was a member, a committee member, vice president, then president. We used to have monthly meetings and off-shoot groups for mah-jong, crafts, choir, theatre and so on. It’s an amazing organisation of women who get together. Once a year they meet with all the other women’s groups around the Otago area.
Ron: Barbara also used to be involved with line dancing. She had to go all over the place for socials and competitions, and I was the driver. Once, her group went to a competition in Australia. They should have won, but the Aussies wouldn’t let them!
Why did you decide to move to Wellington?
Ron: Our son decided that it was too far to go from Wellington to Mosgiel if something went wrong, so we were talked into coming to Wellington.
Barbara: I remember thinking that I wasn’t ready at all to move! We thought we were too busy. But we were looking at different options, and when I came to visit I met a lady who I clicked with. And I remember thinking, ‘I could live here’.
Was there an adjustment period after the move?
Barbara: I would hate to be anywhere else now, but I wasn’t happy for the first six months. We’d left all my friends behind, and I was worried they’d forget about us. But now I just love being here. We’ve had some great times. We know pretty much everyone by name, and we also have our own group of friends.
Ron: Coming here was probably the best decision we ever made. We have no maintenance worries. Summerset takes care of it all. They wash the house down, clean the windows and if something breaks, they come and fix it.
What do you think is the biggest gap between older and younger generations?
Ron: Well, the big difference is technology. We were shocked when we visited our great-granddaughter’s school because nobody was writing. Everybody had a laptop. The other thing about technology that’s struck us is that every time anyone goes anywhere, the second they sit down, they have their phones out. My son sometimes gets annoyed because I don’t reply to his texts immediately – but I’m not glued to the blessed thing.
(Referring to the schedule that Ron shows me) What is this ‘deep thinkers hour’ on the schedule?
Barbara: Honestly, it’s exactly what it sounds like.
Ron: People come together to discuss questions like ‘does power reveal who we are or change who we are?’ Then they come back the next week for a new question.
How do you spend your time these days?
Ron: We get an activity schedule every month and a newsletter comes out every Friday to keep us up to date with what’s going on. We play indoor bowls, petanque, have shared dinners and we have happy hour twice a week! Honestly, being here has helped us get to where we are age-wise.
Is there any wisdom you can share with me about being in this stage of life?
Ron: There are both disadvantages and advantages to getting older. You can do and get away with things that you couldn’t when you were younger. From my personal point of view, I don’t feel as self-conscious about things. For example, I used to get self-conscious about getting dressed up and checking that I was wearing something normal, but as I got older I realised it doesn’t matter. The thing is – and with so many friends either falling sick or having died – you get up and think ‘It’s just another day, just get on with it’. You just have to carry on and enjoy what you can for as long as you can.
