Hide that vintage sweater or expect a visit from the vintage police
Hide that vintage sweater or expect a visit from the vintage police

PoliticsOctober 13, 2023

Call the police: here’s everything you can’t do on election day

Hide that vintage sweater or expect a visit from the vintage police
Hide that vintage sweater or expect a visit from the vintage police

Election day isn’t just for voting, there are countless rules to follow between the hours of 12am and 7pm on October 14. Professional voter Madeleine Chapman spells them out.

This article was first published in September 2017. Incredibly, only the names have been updated. Winston Peters is still the same.

At 11.59pm on Friday October 14, New Zealand will be as it has been for the past two months. Drowning in a swamp of an election, desperately reaching for the surface only to grab more Winston Peters and sink further. But as that clock strikes midnight and someone inevitably pashes someone they don’t like on the dancefloor at Longroom, the election will be erased. For it will be election day and only on election day is it illegal to propagandise about the election.

Thanks to laws written before the internet and seemingly before independent thinking, it’s illegal to influence voters on election day in any way, shape or form. That means when you wake up on Saturday morning and head out to vote (unless you’re one of more than a million New Zealanders who’ll have already voted), there’ll be something different in the air. Something like an emptiness.

Here’s what is and isn’t legal on election day and what to do if you spot any criminal behaviour.

NOTE: although they’re a bit ridiculous and funny, these are actual laws and people have been prosecuted for breaking them. But also they’re dumb and should really be updated.

NO HOARDINGS

You can put literally anything else on your fence

All parties will be sending their minions out late Friday night to take down every last vandalised hoarding. The implication is that if you drive to a voting booth and see Winston Peters’ face on the way, you’ll vote for Winston Peters. The implication is that we’re all idiots and if you see a hoarding while out and about on Saturday you should call the police.

NO CARS WITH FACES ON THEM

Genuine question: Where the hell are they going to park this on October 14? (Image: Stewart Sowman-Lund)

What’s more persuasive than a hoarding? A car with a politician’s face on it. They too must be kept covered and out of sight from midnight to 7pm on election day. Luckily MPs get paid way more than the average voter so they’ll probably have a garage in which to hide their giant face cars. If you see David Seymour driving his David Seymour car through the McDonald’s drive-thru at 1am on Saturday, call the police.

NO FACES(?)

Photos by Hagen Hopkins/Getty, pixelation by the police

A hoarding is a constant static advertisement. A face car is a moving advertisement. But an actual face is the greatest advertisement of all. There is no rule stating that politicians aren’t allowed in public on election day but based on the strictness of not putting your face in front of voters, I assume they all have to stay hidden until 7pm. If you see any candidate walking around the mall without a pixelated face, call the police before someone has their vote influenced.

NO FLYERS

If you receive a political ad in the mail on Saturday, call the police. If you think it may have been delivered on Friday but you only checked on Saturday, it’ll have the same effect but is completely legal. My advice would be to not look in your mailbox, around your mailbox, or anywhere outside until you reach the voting booth. If you come into contact with any material that bears the name or face of a candidate, call the police.

NO MEGAPHONES

Everything in this photo will be illegal on October 14 (Photo: Hagen Hopkins/Getty)

For some reason there’s a real emphasis in Electoral Law on megaphones and the fact that you simply cannot use one on election day to yell about politics. If you merely chatted to a friend about voting, that’s fine. If you were at the park and chatting a bit loud and someone else heard you, that’s legal albeit rude. But a megaphone? Don’t you dare.

NO MERCH

What is popular political merch if not a staple item with a basic print?

No one is allowed to wear any piece of candidate merch. You can rep your colours and you can wear a political party lapel badge (which of course everyone owns) but ONLY ONE BADGE OR ROSETTE IS ALLOWED PER PERSON. If you have one of those Obama t-shirts from 2008, leave it at home. If you have a concert t-shirt from when you saw The National perform live, cover that shit up or someone (me) will call the police.

NO MEDIA

Media are not allowed to publish any article or news item pertaining to the election unless it is about how to vote or how to watch election coverage. If you’re sick of seeing the names Patrick Gower, Audrey Young and Toby Manhire in your timeline, election day will be your only respite. Enjoy the politics-free 19 hours between midnight and 7pm and then hide in a cave for the next 3 years. If you see Toby Manhire in person or in print, call the police.

NO SOCIAL MEDIA

A 2014 headline that is still very funny to me

The classic I-just-voted-here’s-me-looking-good-with-a-sticker selfie is allowed and encouraged [update: there are NO stickers this time, sorry]. But don’t you dare say who you voted for. Instead, if you take your dog (or your cat?!) to the voting booth, please take a photo of just the pet and send it to info@thespinoff.co.nz so we can include it in our very legal liveblog of democratic dogs.

To summarise, don’t wear a mask of a politician’s face; don’t wear your Greens vintage sweater even though it’s the only political merch in history that people wear outside of an election; and don’t write post an IG story about why everyone should vote for Greens/TOP/National because this far into the election campaign, no one cares. Also all those things are illegal.

But you know what’s great? You can vote today if you want. And if you want, you can do any and all of the things listed above. What’s the difference between posting a political statement at 11.59pm and posting one at midnight, you ask?

Like I said, it makes no sense.

‘Love The Spinoff? Its future depends on your support. Become a member today.’
Madeleine Chapman
— Editor
Keep going!
Luxon vs Hipkins
(Image: Archi Banal)

PoliticsOctober 13, 2023

Play-Doh, Don Brash and bed legs as the campaign reaches its climax

Luxon vs Hipkins
(Image: Archi Banal)

Ahead of polls closing tomorrow, Stewart Sowman-Lund joined Chris Hipkins and Christopher Luxon for the last leg of the election campaign.

There’s almost certainly some sort of half-baked political metaphor in Christopher Luxon moulding bright blue Play-Doh with a couple of toddlers just two days before polls close. In what could be some sort of premonition of the forewarned coalition of chaos, Luxon wanted to sculpt a dinosaur while his table mates were far more focused on making a pizza and some chips. In the end, consensus wasn’t reached.

Yup, we’ve reached the Play-Doh part of the campaign trail. 

Yesterday saw both major party leaders spend the day in Auckland, though tackling different issues and with very different backdrops. It also showcased the leaders’ contrasting styles in this latter part of an at-times highly negative election campaign.

Chris Hipkins was in South Auckland alongside members of the Labour Māori caucus where he lashed out at the opposition in a fiery but effective speech on race that prompted Newshub’s Jenna Lynch to ask why he’d waited until two days before the election to “try”.

“In this election I’ve talked about how disappointing it’s been for National, Act and New Zealand First to use race to divide us,” said Hipkins, before moving to evoke the 2005 election. “I used to get incensed driving down the Hutt road and seeing those iwi/Kiwi billboards. I was outraged that a mainstream party would so blatantly seek to divide us.”

Chris Hipkins was in South Auckland yesterday (Photo: Stewart Sowman-Lund)

He continued: “But Don Brash didn’t win that election. And in the closing days of this campaign my message to New Zealanders is let’s ensure Christopher Luxon doesn’t win either.”

Hipkins told reporters that he saw “shades” of Brash and “undertones of racism” in the campaign being run by parties from the right. 

Asked about those remarks once he’d packed away the Play-Doh, Luxon called it a “desperate” play from a leader in the “death throes” of his campaign. The National leader was at a childcare centre in Te Atatū alongside a swarm of placard-holding supporters (including some wearing frankly horrifying Luxon masks) and a pack of National candidates.

There wasn’t an express purpose to the visit – no 11th-hour policy announcement or, like Hipkins, a rallying message. This was a camera-ready campaign event.

Hipkins was “throwing muck at walls” to see what sticks, said Luxon when asked about the references to Don Brash. “National governments and Māori have worked incredibly well together.”

Luxon and some playdough (Photo: Stewart Sowman-Lund)

The difference in approach to the final days of this campaign speaks to the mood within the camps. Off the back of a shaky week in which threats of a second election were bandied about, Luxon doesn’t want to risk rocking the boat any further. The poll results appear to have peaked and the gap between the left and the right is closer than it was several weeks ago.

By contrast, Hipkins is convinced the public are waking up to flaws in the opposition’s plan and he’s now speaking of a “late surge” in support for Labour as a result. 

“There’s no such thing as too late until every single vote is counted and the majority of New Zealanders haven’t voted,” he told The Spinoff. “There’s still two million who haven’t voted.”

The latest polls indeed showed a slight uptick in support for Labour, but there remained no path to power without Winston Peters – who has been ruled out repeatedly by Hipkins.

Asked whether he saw race relations as an issue he could capitalise on, Hipkins said there was a “strong sentiment of concern” about the way race was being used to divide New Zealand by some political parties. 

The leaders brought these same energies to last night’s TVNZ leaders’ debate, which saw a fired up Hipkins interrupt so many times that Luxon struggled to get a word in on any subject. His lowest blow was also the debate’s most jaw-dropping moment as he evoked National backbench MP Sam Uffindell: “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones – none of my MPs beat people up with a bed leg”. 

It was the closest Hipkins came to the pin drop moment from the Newshub debate, when he challenged Luxon on racist remarks made by a New Zealand First candidate – but this time he went for the jugular. Former deputy prime minister Paula Bennett, appearing on a post-debate panel, called it “vile and quite despicable”.

Hipkins defended the remark in a post-match interview. “Elections are a contest of ideas,” he said. “But the fact that 60% of our messages have been positive and 95% of theirs have been negative, I think New Zealanders can see who is bringing the negativity.”

Much like he has on the campaign trail, threats of a second election side, Luxon remained calm and at times prime ministerial in last night’s debate. He struggled to get a word in, but his more muted performance was at times a balm to Hipkins’ ballsiness.

For Hipkins, he has just one last day to convince undecided voters – or more likely those who are on the fence about voting at all – that the surge really is on. There’s a lot of talk on the trail of the two million New Zealanders yet to cast a ballot. Hipkins is trying his best to talk directly to them.

The Labour leader will spend much of the day in Auckland alongside volunteers today, a last push before the midnight campaign cut-off. Luxon’s meeting up with his campaign bus in Rotorua, spending the final day of the campaign weaving his way back up to Auckland with stop-offs along the way. His bid for election will finally end in his own Botany electorate tonight. 

This campaign has felt like a lifetime but we really have reached the home stretch. There remain a lot of unknowns but one thing is now certain: there really is just one day to go.

‘Hutt Valley, Kāpiti, down to the south coast. Our Wellington coverage is powered by members.’
Joel MacManus
— Wellington editor