The Spinoff’s winners and losers of the week.
Warning: This story contains what we’d describe as a “confronting” image of Andrew Little naked on a doormat. Take care.
- It was a bad week for Christopher Luxon. While announcing that Auckland would host a 2027 State of Origin game, he reminisced about his mum letting him stay up late as a kid to watch the matches. Keen-eyed observers noted that the State of Origin was first broadcasted in New Zealand in 1989, when Luxon was 18 years old. The Eden Park game will be another late one, with a 9.30pm start to accommodate Australian TV audiences. When asked if he would be attending the match, the prime minister’s office referred all bedtime-related questions to Kathleen Luxon.
- It was a good week for Gen Z. We’re constantly told they’re screen-addicted teetotallers with no social skills. In that context, reports of “out-of-control and dangerous behaviour” at Dunedin’s O Week were oddly reassuring. The kids are alright.
- It was a bad week for Wellington mayor Andrew Little. The sea is poisoned, the city smells like shit and everyone is mad about it. Also, he made the mistake of appearing on stage at the Gone By Lunchtime 10th anniversary show in front of this backdrop.
- It was a bad week for Chris Bishop. The housing minister was forced to partially backtrack on his plan to zone for 2 million new homes in Auckland after colleagues David Seymour and Simeon Brown got spooked by hordes of angry Nimbys in their electorates. Bishop said the 2 million homes figure was misleading and was “a red herring that became a lightning rod”. That’s one scary fish!
- It was a good week for Anna Breman. The life of a Reserve Bank governor is sort of like a Swedish Punxsutawney Phil. You pop up every couple of months to tell people if the magic number will go up or down, then disappear again. In her first outing, Breman chose the boldest option of all: no change. See you again in two months, Anna.
- It was a bad week for jurisprudential pedants. NZ First put a member’s bill in the ballot which would recognise English as an official language alongside te reo Māori and NZ Sign Language. Legal experts argue that English already is an official language, which you can tell because the laws are written in English.
- It was a good week for Hamish Kerr, who won the supreme Halberg award. As the reigning high jump world champion, Olympic champion, and Diamond League champion, he is undoubtedly the best person in the world at jumping over tall obstacles. He’ll be devastated when he learns about ladders.
- It was a bad week for Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, who was arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office. Hopefully there are many more bad weeks to come.
