September 9: You owe me a beer. September 24: You owe me a beer. March 4: Why don’t we get a beer in Auckland and invite the Spinoff.
From a legislative perspective, Wayne Brown’s texts to Chris Bishop seem to have been a big success. In June last year, the transport minister asked Auckland’s mayor for his thoughts on what was then a draft bill to reform Auckland Transport. Bishop said he was planning to limit the agency’s responsibilities to delivering new infrastructure, maintaining roads and running public transit. “Does that meet with your expectations?” he asked.
Absolutely not, wtf, no, replied Brown. “Capital program delivery and maintenance and renewals is why the public hate them and is what I know best. Leave them with public transport,” he said.
Wish made. Wish granted. When the legislation was unveiled a few months later, the government delegated things exactly as Brown wanted. AT was left with public transport. Council got everything else.
The texts, released under the Official Information Act last week, are an interesting peek into how Brown exerts his influence on government. They show him constantly cajoling and prodding the minister, often to some effect. But changing the nature of Auckland’s transport system is one thing. The messages also show a huge failure on Brown’s part; a goal he can’t seem to meet despite months of trying. The mayor just cannot get Chris Bishop to have a beer with him.
His efforts began on September 9 last year. At the time, some councillors and a host of well-to-do residents were at Brown’s throat over Bishop’s housing deal with the council, which would have raised Auckland’s zoned capacity from 1.2 to around two million homes. “Hey mate, the intensification is a nightmare, I’m supporting it,” Brown wrote to Bishop. “You owe me a beer.”
Bishop didn’t respond directly, instead opting to comment on the opposition that was partly emanating out of his own governing coalition. “Everyone needs to calm down a bit,” he said.
No luck on that front. No luck on the booze either. Brown’s next request came on September 24, after an Auckland Council planning committee meeting on how to respond to the aforementioned Plan Change 120. Brown had just spent seven hours listening to Waitematā councillor Mike Lee talking about the Byzantine emperor Theophilus and Maurice Williamson comparing housing to “death by lethal injection” and he wasn’t altogether thrilled. “Got there, that was a tough day, you owe me a beer, Browny,” he wrote.
Again, radio silence. But hope and texts spring eternal. On October 11, Bishop got in touch again to congratulate Brown on his re-election as mayor. “Thanks mate, we’ll try and do that beer soon,” wrote Brown. “Yes, we need to get together to sort this CRL shit out,” said Bishop.
There’s no evidence that resulted in any drinking, though on February 12 the following year, Bishop enigmatically texted “I’ve gone to the bar”, only to be met with a week of silence.
The next beer negotiation arrives on March 3, and this one gets personal. After complaining about what he deemed to be an “exceptionally unfair” Herald article on their alleged disagreements on housing, Bishop brought up what I can only guess was Brown’s guest appearance on The Spinoff’s Gone By Lunchtime live show to celebrate the podcast’s birthday, telling him he had “seen your Spinoff thing”. “Why don’t we get a beer in Auckland and invite the Spinoff?” he asked. “Happy to,” Brown replied. “Voters need reminding that we get on.”
Voters, maybe. The mayor, definitely. It had been months. Trying to get a beer with Bishop had become his second-most Sisyphean task, behind only his desperate, doomed battle with road cones. Despite that, The Spinoff can confirm that no-one has invited us to a bar. Saying you’ll get us a beer, failing to do so, then rubbing it in by releasing evidence of our rejection to the media? They owe us a drink.
