The tax cuts have arrived. No matter who you are or what you’re into, we’ve got ideas on how to spend your extra $2 to $20.

Finally, the long promised and long awaited tax cuts are here. Your back pocket is about to be stuffed. Admittedly it may have to be in 20 cent coins to get any sort of mass since many full time workers are getting about $19 a week. Thank you finance minister Nicola Willis, for keeping your promise. We are many services poorer, and not even $20 richer.

Since extra money is something many of us are unfamiliar with at the moment, we’ve put together a guide for how it can best be spent. You can calculate your own exact budget here. The trick is to spend it before it gets absorbed by inflation and other rising costs. Oh and to be clear, you may only choose ONE item from the below list, unless you slash spending elsewhere.

For the person who deserves a little treat

• Approximately three little treat coffees.
• One glass of wine (sip slowly).
• Just enough petrol in your car to turn the petrol light off.
• A Lush bath bomb.
• 1x bubble tea.
• Buy a new nail polish and paint your nails. It will last approximately two hours.

Out of budget

• A meal out unless it’s one fish and one scoop of chips.
• A bag of groceries.
• A box of beers.
• A manicure.

For the retirees

Pensioners living alone will be getting $2.16 more a week. I’m sorry you’re going to have to save up. Even at Two dollar things stores prices start at $2.50. If you save for a whole year you’ll end up with just over a hundred bucks, in which case you could get yourself a new pair of slippers. Bring on winter 2025!

Out of budget

• Everything except $2 lolly bags from the dairy but this is not recommended as dental care will bankrupt you.

For parents

Well la-de-da, the big winners of the tax package. About 160,000 low to middle income families will get a fortnightly $50 Working for Families tax credit, and a new Family Boost childcare rebate will save 100,000 families up to $150 a fortnight (of course you still have to pay most of that childcare yourself). Fine I’ll admit it, your kid’s gonna need a new jumper, or to go to the doctor, or a book for school, or to get a filling in their tooth, or they’ll grow out of their shoes, throw their ball through the window and poof, your cuts are gone. 

For people who read international news

There’s a new campaign just for you. Reject lifestyle creep, instead give your tax cut to the effort in Gaza.

For the people pleasers

Right now you will be thinking about Nicola Willis. She has pleased the voters, and so it’s past time to reciprocate. A hamper is in order. A DIY one because, well, our budget is limited. Postage rates for sending the smallest box from one urban centre to another is $10.50. This leaves us with $8.50 for its contents. May I suggest a two pack of plushie socks from Kmart. Everyone loves socks. The rest of the box could be stuffed with paper from your recycling bin.

For the outdoorsy ones

You could hitchhike to a free DoC campsite. Then you could eat four boxes of Mother Earth Oaty Slices. I hope you have a tent and toilet paper already. 

For the foodies

• 1x Pams Tasty Cheddar Cheese 500 grams and two packets of Cheds. Share with a friend. 
• 1x fish (hoki) and 1x scoop of chips. Bring sauce from home. No sharing.
• 200 grams of smoked salmon. No condiments, no sides.
• Maybe you could go out for a dessert sans le main.
• A small bottle of truffle infused oil. Smell it as you eat plain white sliced bread to confuse the senses.
• A bottle of cleanskin wine and a french bread stick (hold the cheese).

Out of budget

• Eating out.
• A whole cake.
• Ingredients to cook an Ottolenghi recipe.
• Ingredients to cook most recipes apart from Jamie Oliver’s 15-minute meals.

For the people trying to digital detox

• You can’t afford any real clay, but you could try air dry clay.
• Just close your eyes, it’s free.
• A pencil and pad of paper.
• Visit the library.

Out of budget

• Paint/canvas/brushes.
• Any sort of class.
• Don’t walk too far because shoes are expensive.
• Buying books.
• Enough wool to make anything other than a baby beanie (you’d need to own the needles already).

For the worry warts

• Health insurance, apparently you can get cover for $11 a week.
• A notebook to write your worries in.

Out of budget

• Therapy.
• Meditation retreats.
• A martini to forget your worries.

For people trying to make gains

Gym memberships and protein powders are unavailable at this time but you could try YouTube videos and 24 boiled eggs.

For the couch potatoes

Chips. You can get lots and lots of chips.