Because what your Friday night really needs is Duncan Greive getting beaten up in a cow costume. 

Let’s face it: it’s been a hard week. Judith Collins has tweeted fake news, landlords want to rifle through your bank statements and Clarke Gayford’s beard isn’t going anywhere. Why not unwind at 10.45pm on Three with a nice glass of something and your good mates at The Spinoff TV? Here are 10 things we can absolutely guarantee will happen on the show tonight.

1) Beloved biscuits will feature and some of them might be racist

2) Bloody Mark Vette is in it! Only the guy who taught dogs how to drive!

3) The word “tampon” is used well over 10 times… and “twat goblet” twice

4) A whole bunch of late night deck

5) The triumphant return of Gaz the cooked office guy

6) A camera operator dry heaves behind the camera not once, but twice

7) There will be a fist fight over the Miss Universe NZ crown

8) It’s our director Jose Barbosa’s birthday!!!

9) Tony Manhire….. need we say more????

10) One of our hosts make a dramatic exit stage right