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Pop CultureSeptember 14, 2023

All the former All Blacks who filmed a travel show in France this year

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Everybody had the same idea this Rugby World Cup.

Last year, after Carlos Spencer’s home reno show and Matthew Ridge’s architecture series premiered within a week of each other, I made a trend-based prediction: that one day soon, all lifestyle / light entertainment shows on New Zealand television would be hosted by a retired rugby player.

What this prediction didn’t anticipate was that these shows would all be travel shows, and they’d all be set exclusively in France. Ahead of the Rugby World Cup kicking off in Paris last weekend, no fewer than three series featuring former All Blacks in France have been released.

Lost in France (Sky) is hosted by Carlos Spencer and Matua Parkinson, hereafter referred to by the names they use in the show: Los and Mutz. Izzy and Beaver’s French Connection (Bravo) is hosted by Israel Dagg and Steven Donald, hereafter referred to as Izzy and Beaver. Tour de Rugby (NZ Rugby) is hosted by Taika Waititi (not an All Black, true, but the show does feature several former All Blacks), hereafter referred to for consistency as Taika.

How do they compare? Each show has its strengths and weaknesses, perhaps best summarised in a series of arbitrary awards.

Most reckless driving

This award goes to Lost in France, which begins with Los and Mutz careening around the Arc de Triomphe in a classic Citroën 2CV, nearly causing a number of low-speed traffic accidents.

Interestingly, Izzy and Beaver also opt for a comically small car, hiring a modern (and famously Italian) Fiat 500 in Toulouse. But it’s only ever shown being driven responsibly and exclusively by Izzy, in a montage showing Beaver asleep in the passenger seat. 

The only mode of transport shown in Tour de Rugby, meanwhile, is a massive celebrity-grade helicopter, or “death trap” as Taika tempts fate by calling it before boarding.

Best use of Jerome Kaino

Taika’s chopper lands him in the south of France, where All Blacks legend Jerome Kaino now lives. In the first episode of Tour de Rugby the pair go to the town of Menton to visit the grave of William Webb Ellis, the inventor of rugby itself. “I don’t know what to say to graves,” Taika admits.

Worst use of Jerome Kaino

Izzy and Beaver are also meant to meet up with Jerome Kaino in Toulouse, but they arrive at the wrong stadium an hour late and then he stops replying to their texts. Instead they take the field to recreate their finest moments in the black jersey. Beaver’s recreation of his World Cup winning penalty from 38 metres out lands about 18 metres short of the posts. “They made a movie about that,” says Izzy.

Best nickname

A crowded field of nominees for this award, but it goes to the dark horse William Webb Ellis for the posthumous nickname Wiremu. “That’s what we [the All Blacks] call him”, Jerome Kaino reveals graveside.

Most meaningful trophy 

Despite the William Webb Ellis trophy being in the custody of South Africa at the time of filming, NZ Rugby called in a few favours so Taika can use it as a prop. It’s “definitely heavier than an Oscar,” reports one of the few people in the world to have held both, “and in some ways – don’t tell the Academy – maybe it’s a bit more meaningful to me.” 

My precious (Photo: Tour de Rugby)

Most cheese

Taika’s piece to camera loses out to Izzy and Beaver, who fall for the classic travel scam of buying 4kg of cheese from a Toulouse fromager who keeps bringing out progressively weirder varieties for them to try. “Oh no,” gulps Beaver, “sheep cheese is a little outside my comfort zone.”

Biggest departure from comfort zone

This award goes to Mutz for eating the famously French delicacy escargot (snails) and trying the famously French pastime of parkour (running up walls) in the first episode of Lost in France. “Obviously that’s a bit of a conundrum for me there eh, running up a wall.” 

Most expressive voiceover

Los and Mutz sound exactly how you’d imagine two former rugby players with no formal broadcast training reading a script to sound. Taika on the other hand is a Hollywood actor – but even he can’t come close to the range and dynamism of Izzy and especially Beaver, whose script reads truly have to be heard to be believed. Imagine somebody who has never watched TV before in their life attempting what they imagine a TV presenter’s voice to sound like based on radio ads they’ve heard in their ute and you might be close.

A lot of people died building this canal (Photo: Bravo/Supplied)

Best historical knowledge

“In 1628, if you had stepped foot in there,” Beaver says, pointing to a historic French hospital, “you’d be no longer with us.” France is a land steeped in history and there is no one I’d rather learn about it from than Beaver. “Everyone died in that place,” he continues. It has already been established by this point in the episode that “how many people died” is a particular area of historical interest. “Mate that is crazy,” says Izzy. 

Most expats caught up with

In the first episode of Lost in France Los and Mutz catch up with a New Zealand dancer performing at one of the most famous cabarets in Paris and a New Zealand artist whose work is exhibited at one of the most famous museums in Paris. The other two shows, starting in the south of France, are limited to the elusive Jerome Kaino.

Most depressing bugger

Izzy and Beaver visit Cité de l’Espace – think French Nasa – and get majorly bummed out by the story of a Chinese Mars rover robot whose solar panels got covered in dust, sending it into an eternal sleep. “I’ll be glad to move on from this depressing bugger,” admits Beaver.

Depressing bugger alert (Photo: Bravo/Supplied)

Most Michelin stars 

After reverently laying an Altrad All Blacks jersey at the grave of Wiremu Webb Ellis, Taika and Jerome Kaino spend the second half of Tour de Rugby’s first episode at an unnamed fine dining establishment with three Michelin stars, as the episode takes an abrupt and unexpected turn into Chef’s Table territory.

Most snackable episode length

At just 12 minutes, Tour de Rugby’s episodes are a mere amuse-bouche compared to the 45-minute dégustations of Lost in France and French Connection.

Best fashion advice

“You can’t go wrong with a hoodie.” – Carlos Spencer, 2023.

‘Like a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, each member is vital to the whole picture. Join today.’
Calum Henderson
— Production editor
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Pop CultureSeptember 14, 2023

Remember the very first cast of Celebrity Treasure Island?

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Join us as we revisit the very first episode of 2001’s Celebrity Treasure Island and find out what the contestants are up to now.

This is an updated version of a story first published in 2017.

There were nine whole seasons of Treasure Island between 1997 and 2007, but pretty much all anyone remembers is the time Lana Coc-Kroft nearly died after stepping on a bit of coral. The brainchild of New Zealand’s reality television evil genius Julie Christie, Treasure Island belongs to an era before the technological dawn of everything being on the internet forever. Online television archive NZ On Screen has, however, managed to successfully prise open the chest containing the full first episode of 2001’s inaugural edition of Celebrity Treasure Island.

The series took 14 New Zealand celebrities and plonked them on a remote Fijian island to fend for themselves. Unlike modern Celebrity Treasure Island, which busies its contestants with endless games and challenges and intense strategy, the original Treasure Island was more into documenting the tedium of being on a desert island with nothing to eat.

The one challenge in the episode sent the two teams on a frantic search to find a piece of the puzzle which, when complete, would form the clue required for the final two contestants to find the buried treasure.

These Kiwi celebs were split into two camps, blue and red, and made to build their own shelters. Luckily each team was blessed with a celebrity builder – My House My Castle’s Cocksy on the blue team and Changing Rooms’ Handy Andy on the red. Host Pieta Keating (runner-up on the first Treasure Island in 1997) presented the two teams their clues for the episode.

The show was sponsored by Telecom and something called “djuice”. This meant the clues were written in a nascent form of text-speak which the contestants had to decipher – a piece of cake for the blue team’s youngest member, a plucky lad called Dominic Bowden.

By the end of the episode, Danny Morrison had wrung a chicken’s neck and Anthony Ray Parker had uttered the phrase “too many chiefs not enough Indians” a concerning number of times. There was no shortage of tension, but there was drama too, when Keating forced the blue team to reveal the contents of their bags and discovered smuggled items of contraband.

While some of the show’s stars, like Bowden, have gone on bigger and arguably better things, others have faded from view. Where did they come from, and where did they go? Let’s start with the blue team.

Frank Bunce

There were a lot of snazzy sunglasses on the first episode of Celebrity Treasure Island but Frank Bunce takes the cake with this lethal pair of lenses. Surprisingly, the 55-cap All Blacks centre was the only rugby player on Celebrity Treasure Island. Last seen getting back in shape on the first season of Match Fit and in a Woman’s Day story from 2020 about becoming a father at 58.

Nicky Watson

The model formerly known as Nicky Watson could well be the most well-known New Zealander who doesn’t have their own Wikipedia entry. Now living in Australia under her maiden name Nicola Robinson, she remains in the public consciousness as a result of her relationship with controversial celebrity chef “Paleo Pete” Evans.

John ‘Cocksy’ Cocks

Celebrity builder John “Cocksy” Cocks rose to fame in the late 90s as the star of TV2 renovation show My House My Castle. How a humble tradie could become one of the most well-known and beloved figures in the country remains one of New Zealand’s greatest mysteries. The eventual winner of the inaugural Celebrity Treasure Island, Cocksy sadly died in 2019 after a battle with cancer.

Katrina Hobbs

If Buncey had the best sunnies on the island then Katrina Hobbs had the best – or at least most quintessentially “2001” – headwear in this white towelling Paul Frank bucket hat. As an actor, Hobbs holds the rare distinction of having held major roles on both Home and Away and Shortland Street during her long trans-Tasman television career. Now she’s an interior designer and one of the judges on House Rules NZ.

Dominic Bowden

Back in 2001 Dominic Bowden was known for being the fresh-faced presenter of Squirt and wearing a wicked Ferrari cap. He’s now known as the host of basically every reality show New Zealand has ever made, plus a wellness podcast.

Jayne Kiely

A former New Zealand Commonwealth Games athlete, in 2001 Jayne Kiely was one of the most recognisable faces on television as the host of feel-good renovation series Mitre 10 Dream Home. Nowadays she is a real estate agent with Ray White Mission Bay.

Trent Bray

Commonwealth Games silver medallist Trent Bray was nominated by the blue team as their spokesman for crucial trade negotiations with the red team’s “Handy” Andy Dye in the first episode of Celebrity Treasure Island. Handy Andy called his bluff and he came away empty-handed. These days the swimming adonis runs the Trent Bray Swim School in Auckland.

Sally Ridge

Another Celebrity Treasure Island contestant plucked from one of New Zealand’s many, many home renovation shows. In 2001, Sally Ridge was an interior designer on Changing Roomsalthough her defining television moment would come years later alongside her daughter Jaime and a stunt mouse in The Ridges. She now works in residential sales for Bayleys Real Estate.

Danny Morrison

New Zealand’s most gaffe-prone cricket commentator introduced himself to Celebrity Treasure Island viewers by saying his biggest fear on the island was getting no sleep “because you know what women are like… they talk all night!” Later in the episode he killed a chicken and got caught with a contraband muesli bar. These days he is a globe-trotting cricket commentator for hire, specialising in obscure and far-flung T20 competitions.

Nicki Sunderland

A ZM radio host in 2001, Sunderland provided the most shocking moment of Celebrity Treasure Island’s first episode when she was caught with a contraband cigarette in her luggage. The discovery of the durry, along with Danny’s muesli bar, meant the red team had to give the blue team a fish hook as punishment. She is now a Bay of Plenty-based marriage and civil union celebrant.

Anthony Ray Parker

Best known as Suzanne Paul’s limousine driver in the how-did-that-get-made series Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner, US expat Anthony Ray Parker would have been one of the first names on the Celebrity Treasure Island casting wish list. Parker’s celebrity star has dimmed since those halcyon days for New Zealand television. Last seen in 2013, as the face of an “online venture” called “RealStew”.

Stacey Daniels

The popular host of TV2’s Mai Time circa 2001, Stacey Daniels (now Morrison) was the eventual runner up of Celebrity Treasure Island, narrowly losing to Cocksy in an epic race to find the treasure in the final episode. Morrison remains on television, most recently as co-host of the 2023 Matariki coverage.

‘Handy Andy’ Dye

With about 17 different home renovation shows being made in New Zealand in 2001 there was room for more than one celebrity builder on Celebrity Treasure Island. Changing Rooms craftsman Andy Dye was hot on Cocksy’s heels for the title of New Zealand’s favourite tradie and you can sense his burning desperation to get one over his bitter rival in this episode. Like fellow contestants Jayne Kiely and Sally Ridge, Handy Andy now work in real estate as a branch manager for Barfoot & Thompson.

Erika Takacs

The former TrueBliss singer was working as the host of the Coke RTR Top 20 when she answered the call of Celebrity Treasure Island in 2001. Takacs now has arguably the most exciting job of all the contestants, working as a stunt department coordinator around the world.

But wait there's more!