Love, actually, at 35: 'We're no longer a free-spirited, carefree couple'

'This has been the relationship where love has become easy and simple.'

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Age: 35

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Ethnicity: Chinese

Religion: N/A – was raised Christian

Occupation: Insurance administrator

Length of relationship: 10 years, 6 months

Children: Two, aged 1 & 3 years old

How we met: At work. We worked in the same team and slowly developed feelings for each other over a year.

The best thing about my relationship: I feel completely safe with him. Our love for each other is so pure and selfless, I know and trust that we always want the best for each other and would never intentionally hurt the other. Compared to my previous messy, toxic relationships, where it was always complicated and I'd wonder if this or that was normal, this has been the relationship where love has become easy and simple.

A problem we can't seem to resolve: How to have sex more than once every few months when we are exhausted 24/7 from work, managing our household, and raising two young children.

This is how we share/separate our finances: Our finances are completely combined, always have been since we started living together. Our salaries go into our own individual accounts and we transfer them entirely into our shared account before being allocated to saving/bills/spending. We keep a joint budgeting spreadsheet accessible to both of us that we edit and review weekly.

This is how we split chores and childcare: He does daycare drop-off while I cook us breakfast, I do daycare pick-up while he cooks us dinner. He does rubbish and recycling, I clean and refill our 16-month-old's bottles for daycare and our cat's litter tray.

Our sex life in three words: Great but inconsistent.

The thing that makes me a good partner: I'm loving and playful and enjoy planning sweet surprises for my husband. I love coming up with new cafes to eat at and new fun places to take my family, so am always the one creating weekend and holiday itineraries. My husband is more chill and go-with-the-flow, happy to go along with my itineraries, so win-win.

The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Being less stubborn and being able to apologise when I am wrong (instead of just being salty).

What I most appreciate in my partner: He is such a good-natured, genuine, and gentle person. He's intelligent, confident, and humble, lacking the arrogance of most men I've met.

What I most resent in my relationship: Hmmm... That he saw me poop when I gave birth.

The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: We're no longer a free-spirited, carefree couple. We're always responsible for something - if we're not at work we're feeding our children, doing baths and bedtime routines, reading books to our little ones, doing the dishes, doing laundry, tidying up toys. Maybe when both our children are 4+ (or whenever it is they can communicate their needs and are fully potty-trained) things will get easier.

It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We waited four years to sleep together (the year we got married).

Our last big fight was about: Probably parenting differences, like how often our little ones can have sweet treats and screen time.

If I hadn't met my partner: I would've probably had a lot of short, unsuccessful relationships and ultimately decided to stay single. I was wild and free and weird and sometimes temperamental, nobody else I've dated has ever managed to bring the perfect balance with his calm and stability - while still entertaining my eccentric sense of humour.

I expect my relationship to last until: Death do us part.

My relationship advice is: Always remember you are on the same team - it's you and them vs. the problem, not you vs. them.