Love, actually, at 64: 'Since our son died, I value him more than ever'
'We can talk about our son and our grief anytime.'
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Age: 64
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Straight
Ethnicity: NZ European
Religion: Christian and open to many spiritual teachings
Occupation: Business owner alongside my husband (co-owners)
Length of relationship: 27 years
Children: One son, who died this year. Two much older stepchildren.
How we met: I put an ad in the paper seeking someone.
The best thing about my relationship: We are very tolerant and supportive of each other and we work very well together (in our business) with complementary skills. I also feel like I have a lot of freedom to pursue my own interests and see my own friends.
A problem we can't seem to resolve: When to retire.
This is how we share/separate our finances: I handle all including the investments. He has just learnt how to do internet banking!
This is how we split chores and childcare: Pretty traditional. I do the cleaning, washing. He does the yard work and fixing things. He really does more hours on chores than me.
Our sex life in three words: What is that?
The thing that makes me a good partner: I am tolerant, listen to him, am very appreciative of him, admire and respect his expertise and all the things he does for us. I like working with him on projects. I like holding hands with him.
The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Be tidier around the house, be less snappy and reactive. Handle stress better.
What I most appreciate in my partner: He calls me "love" and this warms my heart - every time. He seldom criticises me. We can talk about our son and our grief anytime. He accepts that I am very different to him and doesn't try and change me.
What I most resent in my relationship: Nothing really - I guess I get frustrated when he comes out with statements that aren't backed up by fact and this can lead to an argument. However, since our son died, I value him more than ever and the little things like this scarcely bother me now.
The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: I appreciate him a lot more. We argue a lot less.
It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We are such different people so it might surprise people to find out that we are never short of conversation when we are with each other.
Our last big fight was about: No big fights. Last argument was about the name of a plant.
If I hadn't met my partner: I would have missed out on the amazing family life that we shared.
I expect my relationship to last until: I expect it to continue into the spirit world, when we are reunited with our precious son as spirits and are all in complete love and peace and communion with each other.
My relationship advice is: The things that drew you to your partner will become THE most frustrating things and can make you feel like tossing it all in. But if you can get through all that, once again those traits can become endearing and a source of wonder and appreciation.
