Dating Files: A bisexual looking for someone who won't trigger their maternal instinct
'I had a badass motorcycle-riding, tattoo artist, cocaine-dealing boyfriend who would take me on rides out to the country and to nice vegan restaurants.'
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Warning: this instalment mentions self harm. Please take care.
Age: 28
Gender: AFAB non-binary (she/they)
Sexuality: Bisexual
Ethnicity: Pākehā
Religion: Atheist
Occupation: Writer
My living location is: Karangahape Road
The apps I’m on: None (previously on Hinge)
I’m looking for: Someone who doesn't trigger the inherent maternal instinct I have been fighting my whole life. Not necessarily someone who has it all together all the time. Someone who can recognise the subtle difference between asking for help and wilfully being dysfunctional to get support. (Shout out weaponised incompetence.) Nothing too committed. Just chill.
TLDR: a casual hottie with life goals and a genuine curiosity for the world.
Mostly I’m finding: Very sweet but very sad people who aren't very excited by life (I hope everyone is OK).
My last serious relationship was: Five years on and off. Still on and off.
The worst date I ever had: I went on a third date with a very sweet person who then dropped me home. I had work the next day so couldn't stay over. Later he called me and told me that he had slashed his wrist open on purpose and was uncontrollably bleeding. I called him an ambulance and messaged his mother before blocking his number. Last I heard he was living with his sister and doing better.
A less scary answer, I went on a date with a friend and she didn't realise it was a date (classic sapphic blunder). It was so awkward I asked my dad to pretend to call me for a family emergency.
The best date I ever had: I had a badass motorcycle-riding, tattoo artist, cocaine-dealing boyfriend who would take me on rides out to the country and to nice vegan restaurants. One time we were in the bush and he literally rescued a stray dog from falling off a cliff. It was crazy heroic and romantic.
The most regrettable thing I ever did on a date: Probably drink too much and make an ass of myself. But I don't remember. Sober now.
The best thing a date ever did for me: I had a magical time dating someone who planned a whole evening of things to do. They took me to dinner and a show, then went on a night walk. Sounds simple but is quite rare for me.
The biggest red flag I’ve seen on a date: Overdrinking on the first few hang outs (I have been guilty of this too).
On a date I usually wear: I will never compromise my comfort so I will always dress for the weather. If it's cold you best believe I'm wearing a thick ass sweater and pants. I don't care how it makes me look because what's important is what I've got going on underneath.
I have sex when: I feel like it.
I wish dating was: More fun! Not about being scared to die alone.
This is what I think about who pays on dates: I don't care. It's nice to be paid for but I make my own money. I will pay if I have to.
Three words that describe my dream date: Funny, smart, interesting.
My dating advice is: Too much importance is put on finding your life partner. Seek what you enjoy, don't lust after people too much, don't compromise your own values for a stranger. Sort yourself out first.
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