Nineties classic or problematic throwback? It can be both.

A definitive list of every ridiculous thing that happened on Sex and the City

Definitive list maven Sam Brooks tackles 90s classic Sex and the City. It does not go well.

Are you a Carrie? Or a Charlotte? Maybe a Miranda? Surely not Samantha? If you watched TV in the 90s, chances are you have a vague answer to this question. Before the most boring people in your life asked you what Hogwarts house you were in, they asked you what Sex and the City character you were. 

I don’t need to explain to you that Sex and the City was a cultural phenomenon. Not only did it invent the concept of getting rid of your fifth friend and getting boozed before lunch, it was groundbreaking in the way that it talked about sex and gender. It was frank, it was funny, and it made liberal use of the f-word. But does it hold up?

Short answer: uh, no! The ground it broke is a few miles up that way, y’all. No shade to what it did, but we’ve come quite far in the 22 years since the show started.

Long answer: OK, here’s some shade. Being of your time is not a free pass and it’s important to remember that we can always be a little bit better and more forward-thinking, even if it’s hard to be a little more woke, a little less asleep, than we’ve been in the past.

Longer answer: to settle the question once and for all, I’ve created a definitive list of all the ridiculous (and yes, problematic) things that happened on Sex and the City. Hop in the time machine, buckle your seatbelts and mix your mimosas because we’re going back to the 90s, baby!

(Spoilers for Sex and the City, obviously.)

Season One

Carrie Bradshaw in the pink tutu made infamous around the world.

  • The first ten minutes of the show are people talking directly to the camera. This technique continues for a few episodes before being quietly dropped because it’s terrible.
  • Carrie, a professional writer, has trouble coming up with wordplay for the titles “Breakfast at Tiffanys” and “An Affair to Remember”.
  • A gay man says, “It’s straight love that has become closeted.” In 1998.
  • One of Carrie’s friends complains that he hasn’t had sex in a year because he’s a romantic. Carrie asks if he’s gay.
  • This haircut:

  • Mr Big is described as the next “Donald Trump, but younger and much better looking”. File that away under “Jokes That Aged Like A Trump”, boss.
  • People are asked at a dinner party which celebrity they would like to sleep with. The answers are Veronica Lake, Sophia Loren, Montgomery Clift and Charlie Sheen. Sex and the City is, as far as I’m aware, set in the 1990s on planet Earth.
  • Miranda expresses a desire to hold supermodel Christy Turlington down and force-feed her lard.
  • Carrie’s “fun” gay friend sexually harasses a model, joking that he’s too gorgeous to be straight.
  • Samantha bones a guy who she knows for a fact is filming models having sex with him without their consent and complains when he doesn’t film her.
  • Carrie casually wakes up one episode at her friend’s house in the Hamptons, only to accidentally see her friend’s husband’s penis. Her friend then more or less chases her out of the house. The friend is called Patience. The husband? Peter. We truly expected less of our television in the 90s.
  • Carrie runs into her old boyfriend on the street and surprise, he’s gay now! He immediately asks her to donate an egg to him and his life partner. You know, like gays do.
  • Miranda pretends to be gay to become partner at her law firm. She is unsuccessful, despite being played by Cynthia Nixon.
  • Carrie tries to infiltrate (?) the camp (??) of married people (???) by becoming friends with… married people. To do this, she shoves a tape recorder into her cleavage and goes to a party with married people. Carrie Bradshaw is not Ida B. Wells.
  • Carrie compares, in her head, the war between single people and married people to the war in Northern Ireland. Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” plays in the background. Somehow, Sex and the City manages to disrespect both Northern Ireland and Aretha Franklin in the same scene.
  • The gals try to sleep with men in their 20s, with minimal success and minimal jokes.
  • Carrie is accidentally hired as a sex worker when she finds out a man has paid her for her company the morning after. She responds about as rationally as you might expect.

Subtle.

  • A painter asks Charlotte to pose for a series of “vagina paintings”. She responds about as rationally as you might expect.
  • Miranda learns a guy she’s boning has a spanking fetish. She responds about as rationally as you might expect.
  • Carrie, a sex columnist for an unnamed newspaper that vaguely resembles the New York Post, has her photo on the side of buses. Sex and the City is, once more, set in the 90s on planet Earth, not outside the boundaries of time and space.

Reality aside, this is a horrible ad for a colunn.

  • There’s an entire episode about threesomes. After being the only one of the coven not asked to join a threesome, Miranda responds to a threesome request in the paper.
  • The friends walk out on a party after finding out that a friend had stolen Charlotte’s baby name (Shayla) for her own baby. 
  • Carrie farts in bed with Mr. Big and thinks that‘s the reason why he doesn’t want to have sex with her every night. He also prefers watching boxing matches to kissing her so she paints her apartment.
  • Miranda dates a playwright, and when she suggests sex is not sinful, he breaks up with her. Nun stuff is implied.
  • Samantha falls in love with a guy but has a dilemma because his dick is too small, and I’m surprised this particular plotline didn’t come up earlier than the first season finale.

Season Two

Carrie, circa season two of Sex and the City.

  • There are a lot of shots of the Twin Towers. You can’t judge the show for not predicting a terrorist attack, but it’s still damn jarring now.
  • Charlotte’s boyfriend keeps scratching his balls, so she buys him boxers. He dumps her.
  • Carrie goes to her other friend’s house (how does she have time for other friends?) and finds that her friend’s husband is loud and abusive. Carrie muses if this is foreplay.
  • Carrie asks her friends if they’re all using the “c-word” now, but in reference to the word cock. As a sex columnist, you would assume that Carrie would know that’s not the c-word. You would assume WRONG.
  • Carrie muses: “Are there still certain things in a relationship we shouldn’t say?” Carrie is an idiot.
  • Miranda tries sex talk. It does not go well. Eighteen years later, Cynthia Nixon would later play Emily Dickinson in A Quiet Passion.
  • Samantha breaks up with her small-dick boyfriend (a quote, I promise) when he tells her that her vagina is too big. This arc spanned three episodes.
  • Charlotte adopts a dog and then gets rid of it off screen rather than on screen, lest we stop sympathising with the only sympathetic character on this show.
  • This gem of a Carrie Bradshaw quote: “Maybe they should never have outlawed freak shows because at least then the freaks were rounded up in one place. Now they’re out there among us, roaming free.” Thank god they didn’t invent cancellation until 2016.
  • Carrie shakes hands with a guy who has webbed fingers and asks him, to his face, “When did you all become freaks?” 
  • Charlotte goes out with a guy who is great at giving head, but breaks it off when she sees him eat a fig and realise it’s identical. A real life person, perhaps even several, wrote this episode.

Samantha Jones, in fine form.

  • Samantha says that Charlotte shouldn’t expect a guy to fill her up “except, well, you know.” Sex and the City won an Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series.
  • Carrie shows up an hour late to a photo shoot, asks if it’s a test shoot, then asks for a coffee, and if she can smoke. She is aghast when the photoshoot ends up showing her looking like someone who showed up an hour late for a photoshoot.
  • Charlotte flirts with a guy who is literally standing at his dead wife’s gravestone.
  • An entire episode where Samantha gets blacklisted from society for trying to sleep with a rich woman’s husband. She delivers this monologue to a woman who could unblacklist her: “What do you want me to say. That I’m a whore? That I’ve slept with all the men in Manhattan and some in Brooklyn? Well, I have. I’m a whore. Does that help? Is that what you want? Will you help me?” Maybe there’s a reason why Kim Cattrall doesn’t want to do any more of this stuff!
  • Miranda has to give herself the heimlich in her own apartment. This was later done, to greater comic effect, by Liz Lemon on 30 Rock.
  • Carrie wants to go somewhere sexless for her reunion non-date with Big so she goes to a bowling alley. I take personal offence to this.
  • After a personal trainer session, Samantha quips, “you got me all wet… I mean, ‘sweaty.’” It’s funny because she really means wet, genitals-wise. He later shaves her.
  • The gaggle suggest that Charlotte can’t be friends with lesbians, because she’s straight.
  • Miranda meets Steve, who is in the running as one of the worst characters not just on this show, but any HBO show ever, including Oz, The Wire and Game of Thrones.

Miranda and Steve, history’s greatest monster.

  • Samantha runs into an old boyfriend who is now a drag queen named Samantha. She reacts as rationally as you’d expect.
  • Charlotte dates an uncircumcised man. She reacts as rationally as you’d expect.
  • Samantha dates a man with a live-in servant. She underreacts, if anything. This will be the first and last time Samantha underreacts to anything.
  • Miranda dates a man who only wants to have sex in public places, Charlotte dates a man with a foot fetish, Samantha takes the girls to an S&M restaurant. None of this is played for laughs. Just kidding! It’s all treated like the grossest, weirdest thing ever. Sex and the City is the pioneer of yucking one’s yum.
  • Samantha decides to root louder than her neighbours.
  • Carrie dates a writer who suffers from premature ejaculation and decides she has to break up with him. But she loves his family! It doesn’t matter to Carrie, though.
  • Samantha horizontals with Charlotte’s brother. It is resolved remarkably quickly.
  • Samantha dates a guy who is too well-endowed. I am not amused by how this is just the opposite of the first season finale.

Season Three

  • Carrie asks her laptop screen if every woman is waiting to be rescued. See above re: being set in the ’90s. In fairness to her, the episode revolves around the idea of white knight syndrome. In no fairness to the writers of Sex and the City, the episode revolves around the idea of white knight syndrome.
  • Someone makes Samantha wear this:

Samantha Jones, ladies and otherly identified.

  • The gals chat about which President is the hottest. Samantha makes a gay joke about former VP Dan Quayle and Bush Senior, while they all joke about the Kennedys a bit. This is weird because Sarah Jessica Parker dated JFK Jr for a while! Nobody seems to have a problem with it except me, though.
  • Samantha accidentally makes a date with a short man and calls him a “munchkin”. Carrie later says that Samantha is going down the yellow brick road, which is further proof that these characters were mouthpieces for jokes that a gay man’s friends refused to laugh at. I wouldn’t know what that’s like.
  • Carrie dates a man who asks her to pee on him during sex. Afterwards, she goes on a dinner date to an Indian restaurant with him, orders a spicy curry and refuses to drink liquids.
  • Carrie buys designer clothing so she can impress the 25-year-old wife of her ex, Mr. Big. A Bergdof Goodman dress, for those keeping score of their eyerolls at home.
  • Samantha sexually harasses a masseur, who she only booked because she heard he goes down on women. She gets kicked out of the place, and then somehow gets the masseur fired.
  • Carrie posits that drag kings are more popular than Pokemon. Why not!
  • Carrie tries to smoke and ice-skate at the same time:

Carrie Bradshaw, lying.

  • Carrie dates a bisexual man. She reacts about as rationally and empathetically as you might expect, spending the entire episode comparing herself to the guy that her current partner dated once. (She later muses to her blank document, “Has the opposite sex become obsolete?” Opposite to what? You need to define something before its opposite, Carrie!)
  • Charlotte declares she isn’t butch because she’s bad at math and can’t change a tyre. On the bright side, at least Charlotte got through to season three without being as bad as the rest of her friends.
  • Miranda worries that she’s too masculine because she doesn’t want to move in with her horrible boyfriend, Horrible Steve.
  • Samantha wants to be horizontal with her assistant, so she fires him. They then have sex! Samantha does not lose her job or come under any kind of legal scrutiny.
  • Alanis Morissette appears? For some reason?
  • Samantha dates a black man (Chivon) for an episode, and, hoo boy. It is racist. Just straight up a racist. A small list of infractions: “That wasn’t black talk, it was sex talk!”, “I don’t see colour, I see conquests!”, “She can’t dis me because I’m white!”, improper use of the word “wack!”
  • Carrie is charmed when a potential date tells her that his dog only humps the leg of attractive customers.
  • An entire episode where Steve makes Miranda watch him play hoops. This is, if you need reminding, Steve:

  • Steve suggests he and Miranda should have a baby together. I refer you to: the above photo.
  • Miranda breaks up with Steve, but allows him to sleep on her couch because Steve has no friends. Because Steve is, for the people at the back, terrible. She even helps him look for a new apartment!
  • Samantha dates a guy with, quote, “funky-tasting spunk.” This plot line has a lot of gross blowjob stuff – as in gross approaches to it, not that the job in question is gross. Anyway, Kim Cattrall’s net worth, according to the first result on Google, is $60 million and I don’t begrudge her any of it.
  • Mr. Big has an affair with Carrie. This isn’t ridiculous, just keeping you abreast of vital plot developments.
  • Miranda has phone sex. That’s it. That’s her arc for one episode. Cynthia Nixon would later run for governor of New York.
  • Samantha gets the flu and her cure-all remedy is Fanta and cough syrup over ice. This isn’t worse than the shaming or the racism, but I still rank it pretty high on her list of bad things.
  • Samantha reveals that she’s never had any kind of STD test, ever.

Can we make it any more obvious?

  • Miranda is sexually harassed by a guy in a sandwich suit and ends up being strangely attracted to him.
  • Miranda pretends to be a stewardess (flight attendant?) in order to get a date to Charlotte’s wedding. It’s fine because the guy ends up lying about being a doctor when he really works at Athlete’s Foot!
  • Charlotte tells Samantha she only asked her to be a bridesmaid so she wouldn’t feel left out, which feels unnecessarily brutal to someone who you make sex puns with over brunch more or less every day.
  • Samantha can’t understand a Scottish person whose accent makes Groundskeeper Willie sound like Cate Blanchett, but does the Cattrall With Two Backs with him anyway.
  • Before walking down the aisle at her own wedding, Charlotte stage-whispers to Carrie that her husband has erectile dysfunction and tries to back out of it. Carrie convinces her to go through with it.
  • Someone wants to turn Carrie’s terrible (I have to assume) column into a movie. It does not go ahead, obviously. Matthew McConaughey stars, for some reason, as himself.
  • Carrie learns about the Brazilian wax, and I refuse to believe that a so-called sex columnist would have no knowledge about what that is until after she got one.
  • Carrie dates a comic book nerd who lives with his parents, solely because he has air conditioning. After his mother catches him with a bag of weed, he blames it on Carrie, so Carrie takes his weed. This is one of two reasonable things that Carrie does in six seasons and two movies.
  • Charlotte’s husband, who she believes to have erectile dysfunction, is caught having a wank to… Juggs magazine. Charlotte’s husband is played by Kyle MacLachlan, and this is less believable than anything that went on in Twin Peaks.

Kyle Maclachlan, if you need reminding.

  • Carrie tells Mr. Big’s ex-wife, Natasha, about their affair, for no real reason. Oh wait! There is a reason. Selfishness! Anyway, Natasha does not react well.
  • Charlotte has an American Beauty-esque dream about her gardener. She later kisses this gardener in real life, jeopardising her marriage.
  • Samantha complains about the transgender sex workers outside her apartment. This plotline is handled with tremendous sensitivity. Just kidding! She uses the T-word, and throws a pot of water on them. Halfway through, friends.

Season Four

Carrie, circa season four of Sex and the City.

  • Samantha tries to seduce a celibate monk, whom she dubs, “Friar Fuck”. 
  • Charlotte looks at her own charlotte with a hand-mirror. In the same episode, Samantha has nude portraits taken. Both plotlines seem very quaint for season four of this show.
  • Carrie asks her word processing software: “What really defines a relationship?” That’s a prompt for your first column, not your… what? Fiftieth? Five hundredth? Who knows.
  • Carrie and Mr. Big go to a small jazz club in the East Village, which beggars belief. Then Mr. Big says, “Aren’t these cats amazing?” I’m ambivalent on Chris Noth’s talent, and barely convinced of his appeal as Mr. Big, but Jesus Christ, no actor of Noth’s caucasity should be asked to pull that line off. Anyway, Carrie falls for a jazz musician, which is terrible.
  • Samantha has a multiple episode arc where she experiments with her sexuality. By which I mean everybody makes lesbian jokes for two episodes. It is not sensitively handled, and to make matters worse, Kim Cattrall has to say “vagina schmagina”. And she’s (allegedly) the difficult one.
  • The words “Casa de Lesbo” are uttered. This show was once regarded as a landmark moment for LGBTQI+ rights, and I guarantee you every letter in that acronym takes back its regard now.
  • Miranda trades sex for chocolate, and everybody treats her like a pariah because of it. (To clarify: She trades the sex in her life for chocolate insterad. Miranda does not barter sex for chocolate.)
  • Carrie finds out her jazz musician boyfriend has ADD and she treats it like he has the plague or something.
  • Miranda thinks she has a ghost in her apartment, and you also have to wonder why Cynthia Nixon isn’t the cast member who got fed up with this shit first.

Samantha Jones and her fake nipples.

  • Samantha gets fake nipples (which are a real thing!) and sleeps with a man who utters what I can only assume is a quote from James Joyce’s Ulysses: “Samantha, does your gina-wina wanna visit fwom my mista-mista?” 
  • Carrie’s ex, Mr. Big, calls while she’s doing what the kids do in America with her OTHER ex, Aidan. This sends her into an existential crisis that lasts exactly half an hour of television.
  • Some pubic hair crap with Samantha. Look, it just ends with her shaving some guy’s pubic hair and it makes his junk look big. That’s a sentence I wrote, and one you read.
  • Carrie’s laptop dies, and so does Miranda’s mother. Guess which takes up more time and energy?
  • Miranda calls the internet “the net”, which I think people stopped doing after the Sandra Bullock film, The Net.
  • Steve gets testicular cancer, and Miranda kind of makes it all about her.
  • Samantha is annoyed that people want to know what she’s doing next weekend, for some reason? She also milks a cow, and seems to get some weird sort of pleasure from it.
  • An episode about pregnancy and abortion that I have no right to comment on, so will march onwards.
  • Lucy Liu plays herself for an episode.
  • Samantha starts sleeping with her boss, Richard. It does not start well and, spoilers, does not end well.
  • Charlotte puts herself down on the waitlist for a “Mandarin” baby, which I am 90% sure was not what people, even people as intellectually idle as Charlotte, called Chinese babies. There’s a lot of bad, lazy jokes around this. I will not recap them for you.

Charlotte, circa season four of Sex and the City.

  • Aidan proposes to Carrie. Only ridiculous because of Carrie’s general awfulness as a person, and I’m mostly noting it for continuity purposes. There are two seasons and two movies left, you guys.
  • Charlotte’s husband Trey brings home a cardboard baby as a joke, because he’s in the running to be the worst person on this show.
  • Miranda, who has been hiding her pregnancy, accidentally outs a gay man after he outs her for being pregnant.
  • Carrie realises she actually isn’t ready to get married after she puts on her wedding dress. She then has to buy her own apartment back from her former fiancé, and Charlotte helps out with money in a way that is never addressed by either friend later. Aren’t these ladies just so relatable!!!
  • Samantha tries to trick Richard, who is still her boss, into saying he loves her after she says he loves him. One episode later, Richard asks Samantha to have a threesome with him and a 21 year old for his birthday. She later suspects Richard is cheating on her. Samantha Jones may rhyme with Sherlock Holmes, but the similarities end there.
  • Carrie gets a job at Vogue and immediately sulks upon being given what I’m sure are very reasonable notes.

Season Five

The cast of Sex and the City, circa season five.

  • Someone wants to turn Carrie’s columns into a book. Sure! Publishing was a booming industry at some point around the time this show was made.
  • Miranda chooses Carrie as the godmother for her baby (Brady Hobbes) despite Miranda’s previous characterisation establishing her as an intelligent woman.
  • Samantha takes Richard back, despite all of the [sadly gestures to the above text]. She dumps him in the next episode.
  • Charlotte throws herself a faux-30th. As someone who plans on turning twenty-eleven I endorse this.
  • Samantha gets really upset when she perceives her only four friends to be judging her sex life, as if that hasn’t been going for the past five seasons.
  • Miranda goes on Weight Watchers, a process which is treated with the same kind of dollar store sophistication that this show has approached every other storyline.
  • Samantha gets a chemical peel, and when she comes out of the office, a little girl screams at her face.

Samantha Jones, post-peel.

  • Carrie’s ex’s ex (you read that correctly, the show did not write this correctly) reviews her book scathingly. Carrie, unsurprisingly, sulks.
  • Carrie gets on a train to San Francisco to sleep with Mr. Big (and also go on a book tour, sure). Doesn’t have quite the same ring as midnight train to Georgia, but we’ll allow it. She expects “white linen tablecloths and Bing Crosby singing at a piano” because Carrie is the worst.
  • Carrie reads from her book, and yes, it seems she does start every chapter/column/essay/thought with, “You have to wonder.”
  • Carrie, a published writer, opens one of her columns (or whatever she writes for Vogue, it’s frustratingly unclear) with this: “Is a relationship a relationship without the za-za-zoo?”
  • Charlotte is awful to Harry, the man she refuses to tell her friends she’s sleeping with but still takes to a party with all of them, including telling him to put his shirt back on at a pool party. Welcome to the monster coven, Charlotte. We’ve been waiting five seasons for you.
  • The aforementioned pool party is being thrown by Samantha in her ex’s mansion because she feels entitled to it. It’s also a bachelor party for a character played by Nathan Lane, so the “he has to be gay!” jokes are rampant. It was a different time, quite literally.
  • Samantha throws a melon at her guests, as one does.

Samantha Jones and The Melons.

Season Six

  • Miranda finds out she’s falling in love with Steve who, as you’ll remember from our previous stories, is the worst. He’s also the father of her child, so whatever.
  • Harry, the man who Charlotte was awful to, won’t marry anybody who isn’t Jewish, so Charlotte decides to convert to Judaism. 
  • Carrie has boring sex with Jack Berger, who was her season five beau. This is a plotline we explored five seasons ago.
  • There’s an entire plotline about TiVo, which I don’t think had a proper release here, but it’s pretty much just a DVR recorder, back when you had to watch television at a scheduled time. 
  • Jennifer Coolidge plays their dire “friend” who recently tried to kill herself (but, quote, “it was just six Advil on an empty stomach” which is way darker than this show usually goes). This is a similar role to what she played on Friends, and counts as a comic genius slumming it.

Jennifer Coolidge, comic legend, slumming it.

  • Charlotte panics about never being able to celebrate Christmas again, because she is Converting To Judaism. (I put in the caps because you know for sure the writers did.)
  • Carrie has phone sex with Mr. Big, who is still around.
  • Samantha discusses her rape fantasies over brunch, with her friend’s boyfriend present. This is a thing that happens in a half hour comedy, as breezily as you please.
  • Berger, Carrie’s boyfriend, asks her this shocker of a question: “Sure, you love me, but can you love my book?” If you can believe it, Carrie does not like the book, and in fairness to her, it seems awful.
  • Carrie, a professional writer, writes this in one of her Vogue spiels: “Is there times when the ladies should just shut the fuck up?” Are. Are there times, Carrie. 
  • Miranda accuses a guy she goes on a date with of not being that into her. Turns out he just has diarrhoea.
  • Carrie is picked up for a big book deal, inexplicably (see above re: is, are) while Berger is dropped from his book deal by his publisher. They deal with it like the emotionally immature adults they are; Carrie is insecure, Berger lashes out, nobody is happy.
  • Samantha’s boyfriend, played by post-90210 Jason Lewis, is doing a play so she decides to promote it, by publicizing the fact that he gets naked in it. She later changes his name to Smith and puts him on a billboard in Times Square.
  • Carrie tries to get out of jury duty because she’s a “freelance writer”.
  • Absolut does some product placement with a cocktail called the Absolut Hunk. It is milky-looking and it definitely meant to look like cum. Another sentence that I have typed, and you have then read. Thanks, Michael Patrick King and by proxy, Candace Bushnell.
  • Berger breaks up with Carrie via a Post-It, continuing Carrie’s line of dating men who somehow manage to be worse than her.

Me, brain and soul broken, turning in my resignation after submitting this piece.

  • Miranda fits into her skinny jeans. Cynthia Nixon would later go on to win a Tony Award for her role as a grieving mother in Rabbit Hole.
  • Charlotte gets married to Harry. Plot point plot point plot point.
  • In the second reasonable thing she does in the series, Carrie’s (expensive) shoes get stolen from her friend’s house, and she asks the friend to replace them. As a single woman with no plans to have kids, she is constantly buying engagement gifts or birthday gifts, and she considers this repayment. I endorse this, and will enter into no correspondence over it. (She, of course, ruins it by marrying herself and registering for gifts, but let’s not dwell on the past, even if we’ve spent several thousand words doing just that.)
  • Miranda gets the chicken pox. 
  • David Duchovny plays Carrie’s high school boyfriend, who is on his way to a mental institution. Sex and the City adds yet another string to its bow of insensitivity and fires a few arrows haphazardly.
  • Geri Halliwell is in an episode, post-Spice Girls, pre-Raining Men.
  • Mr. Big gets heart surgery. I’m sure it’s meant to be symbolic.
  • Miranda dates Blair Underwood! It’s actually kind of great. Steve threatens to ruin it, because he is Steve.

Blair Underwood, slumming it.

  • Charlotte tries acupuncture in order to get pregnant. Not touching that one.
  • Samantha has so much of an issue with her boyfriend holding her hand that she does a pratfall.
  • Miranda realises she truly loves Steve even though he’s Steve and not Blair Underwood. She eventually proposes to him and they get married. Sure, fine, whatever.
  • Samantha cheats on Smith (nee Jerry) with Richard, her ex from a few seasons ago.
  • Carrie starts dating someone played by Mikhail Baryshnikov. He is imagnatively called ‘The Russian’.
  • Samantha is diagnosed with breast cancer. I have no jokes here!
  • Miranda moves to Brooklyn. This is treated as seriously as Samantha’s cancer.
  • Charlotte enters and wins a dog show. You can really tell what characters the writers actually liked towards the end of this show’s run, huh?
  • Samantha makes a sex tape with Smith to prove he’s not gay. In my experience, adding wigs to a situation isn’t exact a way to hetero it up.
  • Carrie goes to a party and runs into Lexi Featherson, played by Kristen Johnston. She straight up fucking falls out the window! It’s a genuinely brilliant scene that you should all watch, as a treat for making it through all of the above:

  • Carrie quits her job to move to Paris, and everyone treats it like she’s dying, even though one person in this four-strong group has had cancer this season and another has had a miscarriage. To say nothing of moving to Brooklyn? Am I right, gals? This show has broken me.
  • Samantha Jones hits menopause, Charlotte adopts a baby, Miranda’s mother in law has alzheimers and she goes trying to find her while a strange French rap song plays behind her. Meanwhile, Mr. Big chases Carrie to Paris to win her back.
  • Mr. Big’s name is John. John. JOHN.

The Movies

  • Absolutely not.

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