Hibiscus Coast kayaker Zac Franich was announced as New Zealand’s next Bachelor on The Project tonight. Alex Casey delves deep into the internet underbelly to find everything you need to know.
Following Jordan Mauger, proprietor of the worst possible Gollum impression of all time, Zac Franich has just been announced as the next brave soul to step into the polished shoes of The Bachelor NZ. But just who is this smiling man in his competitive kayak of mystery? What secrets might bloom from this Hibiscus Coast hunk? I did what any rational human would do and stalked the absolute shit out of him to find out all you need to know.
It’s highly possible that he can’t tell the time
Either that or he is from the ‘time is a flat circle’ school of hard knocks. Regardless, very worried re: his ability to show up to the rose ceremonies on time or complete any timed challenges on time.
He’s a surf lifesaving coach so, hello Piha Rescue spinoff
Never forget: The Bachelor brings with it many opportunities for sea-based tooth disasters as well as ocean coitus. If he can navigate the tide you might just find… a bride (dw I’ve fired myself already).
He can train “hard out”
As we learned in this NewsHub story about Zac’s Ironman chances:
“Training has been going well and we are all looking forward to racing this weekend,” Mike Janes said. “It’s great having the likes of Zac Franich, Daniel Nelson and Dan Moodie all here training hard out and it’s going to be an exciting race this weekend.”
If Art Green taught us anything aside from the benefits of a high protein snack, it’s that the ability to train whilst on The Bachelor NZ can make for great cutaways. We can all look forward to some “hard out” oar-based footage in the very near future.
He’s used to a high-pressure environment via harsh competitive kayaking
Having represented New Zealand at an international level in the definitely real sport of sprint kayaking, Franich will be more than up for the tension and pace that The Bachelor NZ demands. He lives, breathes and eats kayaking on the tumultuous seas of love…
Which also means he is comfortable “doing a Kate”
As we learned in season two, enduring an extreme kayak situation and the toilet-based perils within are a key component of The Bachelor NZ. There’s just no way this guy hasn’t done a lil wee in a kayak before.
He might be clinically dead
The evidence speaks for itself. Skeletal frame. Alarming long arm. Blissful face. Crossed out eyes. Ladies and gentlemen, we got a corpse on our hands.
He doesn’t have a type of woman
“I really don’t have a type; every woman has something special about them. I don’t want to go into this experience with a list of must-haves. I’m keeping an open mind and hope to find that spark with someone who shares some of my passions for travel, adventure, the ability to laugh and have fun.”
… but he knows exactly what he wants in a liquorice
“I’d like someone who is passionate with a bit of drive and ambition. Bonus points if they like black liquorice (all good if not, more for me!)” – Zac Franich, 2017.
He’s been to the colosseum, so, there’s that
Before entering the arena of love, Zac has clearly gained some experience in the fiercest arena possible. Check your empty watch mate, it’s 80 AD!!!!!
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