ComedyApril 12, 2017

James Roque wants to show you something – but what is it?


James Roque has been causing a stir recently with the title of his upcoming comedy festival show James Roque Wants To Show You Something. But what exactly is that ‘something’? 

Kia ora, James Roque here, you’re favourite grammatically inconsistent New Zealand comedian. It’s two weeks out from the NZ International Comedy Festival and I’ve had a lot of people asking me what exactly is the thing that I will be showing them in my new show James Roque Wants To Show You Something. Unfortunately if I told you, there would be no point of you coming to the show, so I thought I would drop some possible things that I could pull out of the bag on the day instead. Here we go!

1. A Cool Magic Trick

When I first saw this video of David Blaine doing this card magic trick for The Roots, I lost my shit – mainly because it combined my two favourite things: magic and procrastinating on the internet instead of doing work. The trick however is genuinely amazing and I have since legitimately learned how to do it. I even did it for my cousin once and I’m pretty sure he now thinks I’m a wizard.

2. A Dope Dance

Have you guys ever heard of the Jabbawockeez? They’re a hip-hop dance crew made up of mainly Filipino dancers. I don’t wanna blow your mind too much, but guess who else in the NZ comedy industry is Filipino? (other than 2016 Billy T Award Winner David Correos) That’s right, it’s your boy! Seeing as I probably share some common ancestors with at least one of these guys, it’s completely possible that I’m related to them.

3. Some Old Family Photos

The start of James’ modelling career at age 7

Who doesn’t love a good slide show of old family photos that remind us all of a simpler time, back before there was a President Trump and racism was totally chill? I’ve got a buttload of old family photos from back home in the Phillipines, and they are all absolutely gagging to be shown to strangers who have zero sentimental investment in them whatsoever. Here’s a sample photo!

4. A Real Life Dead Body

Nothing gets people more excited than the question “Do you guys wanna see a dead body?” That question has a one hundred percent hit rate with absolutely everyone, and it could very well be what this show is all about. My show could be one big Stand By Me homage.

PS: if I were to show you an actual dead body, I in no way would’ve had any hand it the deadening of the dead body. I simply am presenting it to you, like those websites where you watch pirated TV shows online that say “you are now leaving our website and whatever you watch from here on out is NOT ON US, WE DIDN’T UPLOAD THIS PIRATED COPY OF SUITS”

5. My Penis

Please tell me that IS your penis

Or it could be this! Since I told people what my show title was the number one thing I’ve been asked the most is “is it your d***?” And the whole time I’ve said no. But who knows, maybe I’ve caved in and am about to give the people what they really want. And what they obviously want is a 25 year old dude standing naked from the waist down for an hour telling them jokes (but hey, whatever you’re into).

There you have it, those were five things that I could possibly whip out in my show James Roque Wants to Show You Something. I guess the only way to find out what it really is, is to come to the show! Will it be my penis? Who knows. But one thing is for sure, this whole article has been a big fun waste of resources.

You can buy tickets to James Roque’s show in the comedy festival here.

Mad Chapman, Editor
Aotearoa continues to adapt to a new reality and The Spinoff is right there, sorting fact from fiction to bring you the latest updates and biggest stories. Help us continue this coverage, and so much more, by supporting The Spinoff Members.Madeleine Chapman, EditorJoin Members

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