Get your shit together, world – John Key’s big speech at the United Nations, in 150 words

The prime minister took to the stage at the UN General Assembly in New York today. Watch a video of his address, and read the completely mature digested version.

If the video fails to load, you can always click here to watch.

Gidday world. I’m from New Zealand and I’m here to tell you to get your shit together. Who got their shit together to lead the Security Council to getting Iran and Colombia to get their shit together? New Zealand did.

If you guys get your shit together we can get the Middle East to get its shit together, too, Mr President. The Security Council also needs to get its shit together on Syria, and also on Helen, who I used to fight but now I love. She’s great on Snapchat.

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After that, a lot of shit to get together on North Korea, a lot of shit, super tricky. Although not as tricky as the Security Council – that veto-psycho Security Council really needs to get its shit together on the Security Council.

Trade is great, let’s keep getting our trading shit together, is anyone collecting Cosmic Shells? Vote Helen. Thanks.

Murray McCully, Bronagh Key and another guy watch enraptured

Murray McCully, Bronagh Key and another guy watch enraptured


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