donuts-v2

KaiSeptember 17, 2021

Auckland has sold out of doughnuts

donuts-v2

Stuck in level four, Aucklanders are smashing deep-fried dough balls into their faces like never before. Chris Schulz tries to get his hands on one.

When Daniel Black begins listing flavours of his filled doughnuts, I tell him to shut up. He doesn’t listen. “We do a Belgian chocolate mousse and a raspberry cheesecake,” says Black. “There’s vanilla bean custard. We do a crême brulée one which has a caramelised crunchy sugar coating.”

When I start laughing maniacally, Black says something that nearly tips me over the edge: “There’s passionfruit curd which comes with a toasted marshmallow meringue on top.” It sounds so good, yet each of those words feels like a fist landing square on my face.

That’s because Black’s doughnuts are incredibly difficult to get. From their Henderson base, Daniel and his partner Annie offer a rotating menu of 70 different flavours, all fresh, hand-made and preservative-free. Since they began offering deliveries a week into level four, they’ve sold out every single time.

Bored of lockdown, stuck at home, unable to get takeaways and sick of eating their own bad baking, Aucklanders are smashing their way through deep-fried, cream-filled, home-delivered balls of dough like never before. “It’s the ultimate comfort food,” says Black. “They’re desperate for it.”

Grownup Donuts
A range of filled doughnuts offered by Henderson’s Grownup Donuts (Photo: Grownup Donuts)

Black has clear proof of this. Whenever he opens up Grownup Donuts’ website for orders, they sell out in minutes. Some order a dozen at a time; others are corporate orders wanting to treat staff working from home. They’re at capacity: bakers arrive at 3am to begin putting together up to 200 orders containing 1,500 doughnuts, and drivers show up at sunrise to start delivering them.

They’ve hired extra help, rented more vans, and transport their delicious sweet treats as far as Silverdale and Takanini. “It is a bit of a logistical challenge,” says Black, who says they’re sticking to alert level rules by keeping teams distanced and in bubbles. “We are very busy.” About the only spot Grown Up Donuts hasn’t delivered to, it sounds like, is my place.

They’re maxed out, and they’re not the only ones. For Father’s Day recently, Isabel Pasch’s Bread & Butter Bakery in Grey Lynn offered a limited edition doughnut pack of hazelnut chocolate praline, and salted caramel pear and mascarpone. They came in boxes of four that cost $30 each. She had room to make 100 of them.

“We put them up on our online store on Wednesday morning and they were all gone by Wednesday afternoon,” says Pasch. Plenty of people missed out and they didn’t mind being vocal about it. “We got absolutely bombarded by people going, ‘Argh! Why can’t I order the doughnut box?’”

Because of that demand, Pasch has offered her doughnut boxes every weekend since, and they keep selling out. This weekend’s flavours are passionfruit meringue and blueberry mascarpone. When I checked her online store, she’d written this message: “Doughnut boxes will continue as long as we are locked up. What else is there to look forward to?”

Pasch thinks they could easily sell more, but they don’t have the bench space or staffing numbers to do it. As it is, a team of three bakers arrives at 2am so deliveries can begin at 7am. “There seems to be a lot of doughnut hunger out there,” she says.

Why the sudden rush? “They just want something fancy to treat themselves and something that will kick the endorphins up a notch,” says Pasch. “There’s not much of that going on at the moment.” She believes doughnuts can affect people in other ways. “Maybe it’s a good mental health thing that we need to keep going.”

Bread & Butter
Four-packs of doughnuts at Grey Lynn’s Bread & Butter bakery often sell out quickly. Photo: Isabel Pasch

Black agrees. Despite their lack of availability putting me in a dark frame of mind, he believes a doughnut stuffed full of Belgian chocolate mousse is a mood-shifter. “There are people in self-isolation. They’re worried and stressed about Covid-19 and whether or not they might have it (and) they get a box of doughnuts waiting for them at the door,” he says.

“That’s a bright spot on their day. We’ve had so many messages saying, ‘They’re the highlight of our day, week or even month.’”

When the country first went into lockdown, Grace Tauber and Shenine Dube, the owners of Grey Lynn’s small pink doughnut shop Doe, decided to take orders for just one day a week. “We were hesitant. There was a lot of uncertainty,” says Dube. “We wanted to be cautious.”

Sitting at home, hotspotting data from her phone to counter the dodgy wifi, Dube opened Doe’s website up for orders. Nestled between a battery shop and a panelbeaters, Doe is just a small operation with a staff of four. Sticking to alert level rules, they can cook and deliver a maximum of 500 doughnuts a day.

Within 20 minutes, they’d sold out. “We had 500 people on our website at one time trying to order, trying to check out,” she says. “It was such a mess.” Dube tried to close the website off, but her data had run out. Orders kept flooding in. “I could not shut it off,” she says.

They’d learnt a hard lesson. “That day we had to do way more (doughnuts) than we were supposed to do.”

Doe Donuts
The small team at Grey Lynn’s Doe often sell out of their Pacific-infused doughnuts in minutes (Photo: Supplied)

Doe’s founders are now open three days a week delivering their Pacific Island-infused take on doughnuts, with flavours like pineapple pie, peaches and cream and Caramilk among their most popular. They’re in the kitchen by 6am, and when they get home in the evening, there’s paperwork to do, emails to sort, and messages to respond to.

Even with Auckland’s alert levels set to change, there appears to be no end in sight for the doughnut frenzy. It’s something the duo behind Doe are banking on. “Sometimes I get scared to say it out loud because it happened with cupcakes – it was such a big thing and no one really hears about them any more,” says Tauber. “But … there are so many different flavours that you can create with doughnuts. I feel like people really will always love them.”

Can’t they just sneak an extra order in for me? Erm, no. They’ve stopped telling people when their website will be open for business, and refuse pleading messages like mine that land via Instagram and Facebook. Like spots in New Zealand’s MIQ facilities, to get your hands on Doe doughnuts you just have to keep hitting refresh.

My search for lockdown doughnuts will have to wait for another day. “There are no secret orders unless you’re family or friends,” confirms Dube. She feels bad turning customers away, but they just can’t take their orders. They’re simply too busy. “We do want to take a million orders. We just physically can’t do it.”

Keep going!
Some recent listings from the fresh produce section (Image: Tina Tiller)
Some recent listings from the fresh produce section (Image: Tina Tiller)

KaiSeptember 17, 2021

The weird and wonderful world of Trade Me’s ‘fresh produce’ section

Some recent listings from the fresh produce section (Image: Tina Tiller)
Some recent listings from the fresh produce section (Image: Tina Tiller)

From rude fruit and veg to past-its-best fast food, you’ll find it in this dusty corner of the internet. Olivia Sisson rounds up some recent highlights. 

When New Zealanders want to buy or sell something, Trade Me is the first port of call.

In America, my home country, it’s Craigslist. 

While Trade Me is a trusted brand bordering on national treasure, Craigslist is completely obscure. Its appearance, for one, is bizarre, and has hardly changed since the platform launched in 1999 (see below).

Every single American has either been scammed on Craigslist, or knows someone who has. Forget tidy negotiations, bank transfers and courier pickups. Once you decide to buy something on Craigslist, the experience takes on a life of its own. The next steps include arranging a meet-up with the seller, haggling in person and paying cash on the spot if the goods are legit.

Outcomes on Craigslist vary widely. A teen once used the site to trade his way from an old cell phone to a new Porsche. And on the other end of the spectrum, more than 100 murders have been linked to the site.

With this wild context, I was highly suspicious of Trade Me upon moving to New Zealand.

Three years on and I’ve come full circle. Spurred on by my partner who flipped a pair of cricket undies (washed) on the platform at age nine, I’m now a near-obsessed Trade Me shopper. 

The “fresh produce” section is my absolute favourite. It is Trade Me’s wild west, minus the violence. This dusty corner of the internet, buried five categories deep, is home to listings that delight, confuse, enrage, and sometimes even make the news. 

With that, here are my favourite fresh produce listings. One of them recently sold for $4,000 and others are just heating up. 

Giant garlic

This vendor, @wefixsnoring, sells giant garlic and used office equipment. That’s it.

The garlic is always shown with a can of Red Bull for scale but “won’t give you wings”.


Blue Pepsi

At some stage I bid on these rare fizzy drinks. They’re back after 17 years!

And why are they blue? Because they are.


Rare delicacy GIANT PUFFBALL

I tried in vain to win this rare delicacy GIANT PUFFBALL mushroom.

This listing caused a ruckus in the online fungi community. It’s not actually rare and probably wouldn’t have been safe to eat by the time the auction ended.

I tried to contact the successful bidder but never heard back. Hopefully they’re still with us.


Heart Potato Novelty

This listing’s description says it all… 

“A heart found in nature is a sign of love. Heart Shape Potato in pretty packaging. Grown naturally. Gift for your chef/cook sweetheart or valentine. Spudly has a face made by God, not man made.”


X-rated spud

Behold Heart Shape Potato’s exact opposite… X RATED SPUD.

Free shipping.


Dodgy kūmara

Starchy humour is well stocked in this Trade Me niche. 

“Dodgey Kumara… reasonably fresh.”


Orange giving birth

“The unofficial 69th wonder of the world. Get your piece of history right here right now, a super rare orange giving birth. Leonardo da Vinci has called this piece “exquisite”. Van Gogh “I would lose my other ear for that” With reviews like this, what are you waiting for? Get in quick.”

Someone get this seller a copywriting job.


Rare Covid-19 fish and chips

Listed during lockdown. Seller was willing to swap for a Ferrari, 64 Impala, RX2…. or a house.

No bids.


Super rare KFC Tower Burger

Once the lockdown listings started coming… they didn’t stop.

This one went for $200 in the end. And that $200 went to Barnardos. Everyone loves a charity auction.


An entire pallet of Dole bananas

4,200 bananas auctioned to support Oke Charity.

Not sure who won this one, but 100% sure they’re driving the banana bread trend.


Heart-shaped yam

Wham, bam, what a love yam! 

Oddly shaped carbs deserve their own sub-category. 


Half loaf of Vogel’s

I’ll close with this one as it’s the most famous…

On the first day of lockdown I saw a new listing pop up during my daily scroll of fresh produce… for a partial loaf of Vogel’s bread.

Long story short, these slices went on to become Trade Me’s fifth-most-viewed listing ever, the seller got on the news, and the comment section went OFF. 

I read them all so you don’t have to. Here’s the best bit…


Amid the humorous listings there are genuinely good products to be had in fresh produce. Like this elephant-shaped carrot I won recently: