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KaiJuly 19, 2021

Even more of The Mad Butcher’s maddest insta-breakfasts

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Alex Casey takes yet another cruise through the bizarre breakfast offerings uploaded to Sir Mad Butcher’s Instagram and unearths a tale of bird-based betrayal. 

A lot has changed on Instagram since our first foray into The Mad Butcher’s bizzaro breakfast offerings in 2018. From FaceTune changing IRL faces, the arrival of TikTok-inspired Reels and a pandemic-induced photo dump trend, Butch has remained a steady online presence through it all. Delighting his audience with ill-timed black puddings, personalised plastic plates and impossibly blurry photos taken from a kayak, he’s truly one of the most thrilling and confusing influencers New Zealand has ever known.

Nobody asked for another instalment, but here are his greatest Instagram hits from over the last year.

HORNY CRUMPETS

“I won’t tell you what the wife had ready for me when I got back from the kayak,” The Butch teases next to this this steamy buttered crumpet pic. “That’s a secret.” I hate to tell you this but, according to wordhistories.net, the noun “crumpet” is used to denote either women as objects of sexual desire, or the actual act of sexual intercourse. It is simply too rude to think about what FOUR crumpets might mean in this context, let alone when they rest seductively on what appears to be TWO plates. 

SIMPLY A LOT OF OYSTERS

See above ;)

BLEAK CHEERIOS

Why are the comments turned off? Who is Hotline Jim? Where is the sauce? Why am I crying? Might as well rename these “ios”, because where is the cheer :( 

SPOONING BANANA AND CHICKEN

Time to do away with the concept of “big spoon, little spoon” and instead embrace “big banana, little chook”. It doesn’t have quite the same ring to it, but I think we can all agree none of us will forget this image for as long as we all shall live, amen. 

CHALLENGING CRESCENT OF KIDNEYS

TOO MUCH TOAST

Who knew Butch was basically the MC Escher of toast? At a glance, how many pieces of toast do you reckon are on this plate? I get a different number every time, but the evergreen answer is “too much”. 

A DUCK’S BREAKFAST

The Butch knows the importance of a hearty breakfast for animals big and small, which is why he can be seen here feeding his beloved #ducks a hearty meal of Mainfeeds Barnyard wheat pellets, retailing at $12.19 per 10kg. “They love it even better when it’s raining,” Butch explains, “because I didn’t go out and have a drink in the puddles of water around.” We respect a giardia king.

A DUCK’S RECKONING

Two weeks later, the duck mood has changed. “I’ll have to stop feeding the DUCKS” Butch writes, switching dramatically to caps lock. “THE LAST FEW DAYS WE HAVE HAD OVER 40 turning up for a free feed.” Only $12.19 per 10kg Butch, come on!

A DUCKING DESPAIR

Despite the rationing, Butch takes to Instagram a few days later to share another distressed duck update. “Unfortunately it sucks I’m not getting the message out there is no more freebies now [the ducks are] following me around the island.” 

A DUCK-INDUCED MADNESS

“The ducks are driving me mad,” the famously not mad Butch writes that very same day. “I can’t get rid of them.” 

DUCK WHO? 

A month later, Butch makes a bird-based pivot. “One of my pleasures each morning feeding the seagulls,” he gushes. “I have fallen in love with them. I love the way they fly and they love me feeding.” 

GULL MEETS BOY

Driving the butcher’s knife further into the duck community, Butch continues to explore his love and adoration for the humble gull. “I love feeding them as they are my mates #loveseagulls #sharingthelove”

WELCOME TO THE FAMILY

By June 2021, ducks are but a distant memory. Next to this fetching vignette of cornflakes, apple and an extremely unripe avocado, Butch announces that he is off to feed his “extended family”, the seagulls, followed by the hashtags #bekindtoeachother and #ringafriendandsayhi. Unclear if the friends he is encouraging you to ring are human or bird. 

SPEAKING OF RINGING A FRIEND AND SAYING HI

The phone is an ornament, seagulls don’t own mobiles, and we wait with bated breath to see what Butch does online next. 

Keep going!
Bircher muesli with maple pears and walnuts (Photo: Emma Boyd)
Bircher muesli with maple pears and walnuts (Photo: Emma Boyd)

KaiJuly 18, 2021

Recipe: Bircher muesli with maple pears and walnuts

Bircher muesli with maple pears and walnuts (Photo: Emma Boyd)
Bircher muesli with maple pears and walnuts (Photo: Emma Boyd)

Whip up a batch of this to last a few days so the mornings are a little less hectic. 

Outside my window the rain is falling and the speckled breast of a thrush catches my eye as it hops about on the wet grass on the hunt for its next meal. It’s almost noon. The bowl of bircher muesli I have just photographed, topped with a sticky maple pear and crunchy walnuts, is looking like it will be my next meal! That’s if I can keep the hungry kids away from it for long enough.

Bircher muesli is a wonderful meal. Easy to prepare, nutritious and filling and easily adapted to what you have in the cupboard. I often whip up a batch to last a few days so that mornings are a little less hectic. My kids prefer a chocolate version, however, made simply with oats, cocoa, vanilla, milk and a splash of maple syrup.

BIRCHER MUESLI WITH MAPLE PEARS & WALNUTS

Serves 4

  • 1½ cups oats
  • ½ cup sunflower seeds
  • 2 tablespoons chia seeds
  • 4 tablespoons desiccated coconut
  • 3 tablespoons raisins
  • 1½ cups milk
  • 1 cup yoghurt
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 pears
  • 30g butter
  • 4 tablespoons maple syrup
  • 40g walnuts
  • pinch of sea salt

Put the oats, sunflower and chia seeds, coconut and raisins into a bowl. Mix well before adding the milk, yoghurt and vanilla and mixing again to combine. Cover and refrigerate overnight. In the morning, remove the bircher muesli from the fridge before preparing the pears.

Halve the pears lengthwise and then core (I used a melon baller, which makes them look satisfyingly uniform!). Place the pears cut side down on a chopping board and using a sharp knife, cut into slices, stopping short of the top of the pear so it holds together but can be fanned out once cooked.

Melt the butter in a heavy-bottomed frying pan over a medium heat and add the pears. Cook for 20 minutes, turning several times as you go to make sure the pears are cooked through and golden brown on the cut side. Ten minutes into the cooking, add the walnuts and the maple syrup, stirring them to make sure they brown on all sides. Once the pears and walnuts are ready, sprinkle the walnuts with a pinch of sea salt.

Divide the bircher muesli among four bowls, top with a pear half followed by the maple walnuts. Serve immediately.