A shockingly good result for a budget brand. Redemption for another. A peanut butter that looks almost exactly like a turd. This ranking has it all.

On the face of it, changing peanut butter is like drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa. Grinding nuts into an oily paste produces the perfect spread. There’s really no need to make any alterations. Despite that, several of our most respected food producers have decided to do so, adding chocolate, caramel, chilli, seeds and even fruits to their peanut butter products.  

Why? A cynic would say “for money”. A romantic would say “for love”. A Spinoff food assessor would eschew both options and turn to science, determining the worth of each novelty spread by giving it a mark out of 10 based on criteria including mouthfeel, aftertaste and moreishness.

This week, 10 of our in-house judges took that course. They tasted 10 of the nation’s experimental peanut butter augmentations slash abominations depending on your point of view, and arrived at a decisive verdict on the best and worst of the bunch. As usual, they did so by tasting the spreads in two ways: on a piece of plain white bread and as a standalone spoonful.

There are some controversial omissions. This ranking has essentially one rule: no other nuts. Though it covers some wacky flavours, it’s fundamentally an assessment of peanuts, not almonds, cashews or, God forbid, pecans. Unfortunately that excluded some critically acclaimed spreads, including all of Forty Thieves’ “mixed nut” butters and Fix & Fogg’s Everything Butter. 

There are also some controversial admissions. After not appearing in either our crunchy or smooth peanut butter rankings, Pic’s much-requested Smoochy brand finds its place here. As a relatively standard spread, it’s an uncomfortable fit. But Smoochy is still an innovation. It’s a peanut butter inside another peanut butter. By the same token, Bega’s whipped peanut butter is included. Though it doesn’t add any other flavours, it makes up for it with an unsettling texture.

That’s the admin out of the way. Now go out there and have fun. Or don’t, if you’re tasting…

10) Pic’s Peanut & Chocolate Butter

4.9/10

$8.90 for 290g from Woolworths ($3.07 per 100g)

First of all, it looks like a turd. That would be more tolerable if it didn’t have a similar gastronomic appeal to one. Pic’s Peanut & Chocolate was oddly flavourless for a spread with such a confronting visage. Judges universally panned its lack of ambition. “Tastes like a failure,” said Liam Rātana. “Weirdly less than the sum of its parts… a mystery of food science,” said Calum Henderson. “Tastes like off milk chocolate,” said Eli Rivera. “Sorry that’s mean.” Isaiah Tour clearly didn’t share her qualms. “Looks like shit, tastes like nothing. Why bother?” he wrote.

The overarching view was that if Pic’s was going to put chocolate into peanut butter, it needed to commit, stop the sophistication and cater properly to our stunted baby palates. “This is chocolate spread for grown-ups who pay bills,” said Emma Gleason. “Maybe I’m a child.”

9) Pic’s Seed & Nut Mix

5.65/10 

$10.30 for 490g from Woolworths ($2.10 per 100g)

This list is a panoply of odd flavours and textures yet somehow the humble seed was the most divisive of them all. Emma gave Pic’s Seed & Nut the full 10. “Texture, depth of flavour, complexity, taste are all exceptional,” she wrote. “So many seeds!!” Henry Oliver gave it a nine, rating it the “best of the bunch”. Alice Neville had high praise for a “seedy, salty motherfucker”. Calum, long haunted by spy seeds, loved how unapologetic the spread was with its grains and kernels. “Now here’s a peanut butter that’s not trying to keep its seeds a secret,” he enthused.

But they were still a minority, and the seed haters were brutal. “Did someone drop trail mix in this? Why do this?” inquired Liam. “Like someone chucked bird seed into my peanut butter,” wrote Isaiah. “Seeds, a bunch of seeds man,” wrote Tina Tiller. “Leaves seeds in my teeth.”

8) Fix & Fogg Banana Caramel Peanut Butter

5.7/10

$8.90 for 275g from Woolworths ($3.24 per 100g)

Fix & Fogg was so busy seeing if it could fuse banana caramel and peanut butter together, it didn’t stop to ask whether it should. There’s no doubt it has executed its off-the-wall vision. It’s just the result is at best tolerable and at worst horrible. “Yuck. Like candy,” wrote Henry. Veronica Schmidt was particularly aggrieved. “Good lord,” she wrote in her 1/10 review. “I can’t abide this.”

The hatred wasn’t universal, with some pushing past the spread’s alarming first impression to appreciate its artistry, but even fans loved more with their heads than their hearts.

7) Fix & Fogg Smoke & Fire Peanut Butter

6.3/10

$7.49 for 275g from New World ($2.72 per 100g)

Smoke & Fire has an impressive resume. It’s infused with the delectable chillies produced by the hot sauce magicians at Kaitaia Fire. It’s the first peanut butter to go to space. The problem is it’s just… not for everyone. Liam called it a “bad attempt at spicy satay”. “No no no no thank you,” said Tina. Emma said it tasted like “supermarket spice mix” before giving it five out of 10.

There were admirers. “This is Fix & Fogg smoke and fire – or if it isn’t I’ll eat my hat,” said Alice. “I’m a big fan.” Calum thought it “tastes sophisticated”. Veronica liked that it looks like butter chicken and tastes like peanut butter. Perhaps the division was predictable. Smoke & Fire is an ambitious flavour concept. If you don’t mind a bit of paprika with your peanuts, it’s worth a try.

6) Pic’s Salt & Pepper Peanut Butter

6.4/10

$7.79 for 290g from Woolworths ($2.69 per 100g)

Though I’m hesitant to offer my marketing expertise for free, this should probably be renamed Pic’s Salt & PEPPER Peanut Butter to give people a better idea what to expect. If Pic’s isn’t secretive about its seeds, it’s standing naked in the street shouting about its peppercorns. “Oh she got some peps in there,” said Tina. “For pepperheads, pretty good!” wrote Henry. “PB + choc = surprisingly bad. But PB + pepper!? Surprisingly good, great even,” said Calum.

4=) Pic’s Honey Peanut Butter

6.8/10

$7.79 for 290g from Woolworths ($2.69 per 100g)

A peanut butter and honey sandwich is always a treat but it’s always difficult calibrating the flavour balance. Thankfully now we’ve got experts on the case. Pic’s honey-infused offering is just right, bringing up subtle notes of honey without overpowering the nutty star of the show. Even the sceptics were won over. “Well bugger me, it’s honey,” said Alice. “Didn’t think I’d be into a honey PB but here we are. I like this a lot.” She is one voice, but she speaks for many. 

4=) Pic’s Smoochy Peanut Butter

6.8/10

$7.79 for 290g from Woolworths ($2.69 per 100g)

Many Spinoff readers will swear black and blue this is the best peanut butter on the market. They may be right. Though failing to name it “Smunchy” is hard to forgive, those who can get past that will find Smoochy to be a finely balanced, best-of-both-worlds spread. It may have been higher on this list if it wasn’t competing with such an eclectic bunch of oddball flavours. “Taste (sic) like peanut butter,” wrote Tina, in a response typical of the general tenor from the judges. Yes, by design. But telling them that would have ruined the integrity of the process.

3) Bega Whipped Peanut Butter

7/10

$5.99 for 375g from New World ($1.60 per 100g)

In contrast to Smoochy, no one cared that Bega hadn’t added any wacky, non-peanut flavours to this spread. Maybe that’s because its texture is so criminally insane, they didn’t need to. 

There’s no easy way to say this, but Bega whipped peanut butter has the same consistency as mousse. And you know what, that’s awesome, at least according to many of our judges. “As a mousse fan, sublime texture,” wrote Emma, while making audible “nom” sounds. “Soft like an angel’s cloud and free from sin.” Not everyone was on board. The whipped spread had Alice questioning the nature of the universe itself. “Why is it so pale,” she shivered. “Is anything real?”

Those who could get past the Bega’s unsettling physical form had an amazing time shoving it down their gullets, revelling in its “decadent” flavours and “marshmallow fluff” flavour profile.

2) Fix & Fogg Choc Nut Butter

7.4/10

$7.50 for 275g from Woolworths ($2.14 per 100g)

Now that’s what chocolate peanut butter should taste like. Sorry to Pic’s and its nutty turds but Fix & Fogg has the edge in this genre. Its chocolate spread earned one of Tina’s signature “yumbos!. Soft and silky, like a melted peanut slab,” she said. Judges liked that the spread wasn’t too cool for them; that it seemed to be revelling in its chocolate rather than shrinking from it in shame. “Better than the more ‘adult’ chocolate one,” wrote Henry. “Naughty!” added Emma.

The only major disagreement over Fix & Fogg’s chocolate offering centred on its similarity or otherwise with another breakfast classic. “Looks like Nutella, tastes like Nutella. Lucky I like Nutella,” wrote Veronica. “Looks like Nutella. Tastes better though,” said Emma. 

1) Pic’s Chilli Peanut Butter

7.6/10

$7.79 for 290g from Woolworths ($2.69 per 100g)

Pic’s Chilli doesn’t try to reinvent the peanut wheel, but, to quote Erica Stanford, it does the basics brilliantly. It doesn’t contain fruit, chocolate or a heap of extra spices. Neither does it look like a cow pat. It’s just a well-executed product with a finely tuned flavour balance.

If it has a point of difference, it’s in how unashamedly hot it’s willing to be. Judges appreciated it loudly and proudly burning their taste buds to a crisp. “Huge respect for being a chilli PB with the guts to be actually quite hot,” wrote Calum. “Made me need a drink.” “If you like chilli, you’ll love this,” said Emma. “Hello hello. What have we got here then?” added Veronica. 

It may make for some uncomfortable gastrointestinal moments, but Pic’s Chilli makes you feel alive. What more could you want from a novelty peanut butter than that? This spread is pretty much perfect. After sinking in our smooth rankings, Pic’s is once more atop peanut mountain.