Tonight, New Zealanders will be able to observe a rare total lunar eclipse. The Spinoff’s resident moon hater and moon enthusiast ask, what’s the point?
Huge news for moon enjoyers: tonight, Aotearoa will make up a speck of the 2% of the global population able to witness 2026’s only total lunar eclipse. From 9pm to 1am, a rare blood moon will be visible in our skies – peaking around midnight – to remind us all that we’re all ants down here and that despite butter costing your eldest child’s hand in marriage, life is still meaningful and worth it.
Unless your name is Hayden Donnell, The Spinoff’s resident moon hater.
Lyric Waiwiri-Smith: Hayden, do you remember riding in the backseat of a car as a kid, and watching the moon follow you through the window at night? Actually, back in your day the set up was probably a horse and carriage, but it’s still the same moon, chasing us through the decades. Doesn’t that fill you with so much joy? Perhaps awe? Maybe even a little bit of wonder?
Hayden Donnell: Ah yes, I remember the soft clip-clop of the hooves. The occasional whispered equine fart on the breeze. And then above, the soft glow of the moon as it traipsed through the sky, accompanying us on the journey to our lodgings at the local inn. But I also remember the mountains following us. The horizon. It’s very easy to follow a carriage. Sorry what were you getting at again?
Lyric: I’m getting at the natural sense of spiritual connection you feel deep within your heart upon observing a celestial body, dickhead. You know, that moment when a pit in your stomach opens up because you realise there’s a bigger world out there and you’re just one of billions seeing it. When did you lose your sense of childlike wonder, Hayden? When did you let the moon become an enemy?
Hayden: Okay, gotcha. Look, I endorse being more awestruck by the world in general. We’re made of reconstituted molecules from everywhere, including exploded stars but also the pooberg floating in the Cook Strait. They’ve done scientific experiments showing reality changes shape when it’s observed. Everything that’s happening is weird and amazing and you young people should appreciate it more rather than spending all your time playing Angry Birds on your cellular phones. But if those damn astronomers tell me one more time to get out on my front lawn to watch the moon at some godforsaken hour like 11pm I’m going to absolutely shit.
Here’s my feedback to the sky experts: you’ve flogged the moon too hard. The super blue blood moon of 2018 was amazing. We were excited. But there’s been at least 40 blood moons since then, each one less bloody than the last. Here’s a cutting edge cultural reference for you, Lyric. If 2018 was Avengers: Endgame, then the 2026 blood moon is Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania.
Lyric: News flash, nerd: I haven’t watched either of those films. But I catch your drift and, sure, I can agree that the older I’ve gotten, the more it feels like a rare moon is happening every other year, so how rare can they really be? But I will say this: the blood moon would be blood mooning even if we weren’t around to see it. When a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, it still makes a noise. Life keeps chugging on in its weird and beautiful ways whether we bear witness to it or not. So why punish the moon for simply doing its thing, and astronomers for having more going on in their lives than apps to doomscroll?
It sickens me that someone who used to write folk songs could grow so old and bitter and lose sight of the things that make us who we are. Wait, were you even a real moon fan to begin with?
Hayden: I appreciate that the blood moon could be seen as an affirmation of our shared humanity; a beautiful unifying reminder that the majesty of nature will persist even after the darkest turmoil engineered by people and nations has faded into the recesses of history.
But it could also be seen as a literal blood-coloured celestial body rising over our smorgasbord of human horrors. If I needed to experience a portent of doom, I’d just read the news. Now I remember Moses pretty well, having gone to school with him, but if this was back in his day then we’d be talking about this moon as a physical manifestation of God’s wrathful judgement upon us rather than as a beautiful and life-affirming reminder of Mother Nature’s enduring beauty.
Having said all this, and I know it’s a competing thought, but let’s face it the blood moons can be pretty underwhelming as a spectacle. Would it kill the astronomers to jazz things up a little? Maybe add some CGI effects? At least a moon-themed orchestral score? As my mentor and ideological north star Mark Richardson once said, it can look a bit like a half-sucked Oddfellow.
Anyone who knows me knows that I always agree with Mark Richardson, and it does not trouble me at all that I’m aligning with him on this issue. Not one iota! I’m feeling good about this take!
Lyric: It’s hard to argue with widely beloved sportsman and broadcaster Mark Richardson, our most treasured Richardson after Ruth.
Hayden: Go on…
Lyric: AND I will agree that witnessing a blood moon during the time of Moses would be horrifying and I can’t believe you had to go through that as a university student, Hayden.
Hayden: Thank you, the locust plague was a particularly hard time for me. I’m loving this so far.
Lyric: BUT – and, like, you can totally blame this on my star sign being Cancer (the sign ruled by the moon, duh) – I don’t think I’ll ever stop falling for moon propaganda. I will always make time to view a funny looking moon even if said moon just looks like a speck. If they projected some Taylor Swift-esque visuals onto the moon like they did with Christ the Redeemer I’d definitely be into that too, but I like the moon in her natural state: cratered, no make up, messy bun, sweatpants on. Sometimes, when she’s full, we just hang out on my patio.
So you see, it’s a really personal thing between the moon and I. And I’m indigenous, so I have a natural connection with the Earth and sky and such. Sorry you don’t have the same kind of relationship, but I guess you just wouldn’t get it!
Hayden: Wowwww, we’re bringing out the big guns late in this debate. You know what, screw it, I’ll go out and watch the moon tonight. But, in the words of an astronomer over on 1News: “Lunar eclipses are not rare per se… we often get them during moonrise or moonset, but to see the entire duration of the eclipse is much rarer.” I hope in future we can all take solace in the miracle of the moonrise at a time that suits us, rather than being herded out onto the grass by some astronomers once a year. I think, at the end of the day, it’s the bullying I really resent.
Lyric: Can I claim this as a win over you?
Hayden: You win for 2026, but there’s no way I’m caving again on NYE 2028. See you then.
Lyric: If you live long enough.
