Love, actually, at 31: A ‘sexually non-exclusive’ couple who can’t agree on having kids

‘I would feel terrible bringing kids into this world, but she thinks I would make a good dad.’

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Age: 31

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Ethnicity: Other

Religion: Agnostic

Occupation: Commercial embroiderer

Length of relationship: Nine years

Children: None

How we met: Tinder

The best thing about my relationship: We’re both foodies, so that gives us something to structure our dates around.

A problem we can’t seem to resolve: If we want kids. I don’t want them at all because I would feel terrible bringing kids into this world, but she thinks I would make a good dad and is more open to having kids.

This is how we share/separate our finances: We split rent and take turns paying for meals out. I guess otherwise we’re just vibe-mathing 50/50. Our personal accounts are totally separate.

This is how we split chores and childcare: She takes care of cooking and cleaning, so I do things like fix our cars and anything else that breaks. I do the dishes as well. I used to cook and clean when I had a different job and came home earlier.

Our sex life in three words: Nothing anyone expects.

The thing that makes me a good partner: If my partner is feeling down, I’ll do little things to help them feel better.

The thing I need to work on to be a better partner: Being home more than I am.

What I most appreciate in my partner: She’s independent, and I know she can take care of herself.

What I most resent in my relationship: I’ll have to choose between living with my partner or living close to my family.

The thing that has changed the most about my relationship over time: Our sex drives aren’t what they used to be. We met on Tinder, so our early motivations should be self-explanatory. These days, we’re generally more like an old married couple.

It would surprise people to know this about my relationship: We’re sexually non-exclusive.

Our last big fight was about: Me hanging out with my friends instead of fixing our broken stuff.

If I hadn’t met my partner: I might not have broken off my last relationship. Meeting my partner gave me a reason to end a relationship that should have ended months before.

I expect my relationship to last until: One of us dies, I guess.

My relationship advice is: Be honest with yourself about whether you’re happy in your relationship. You owe that to yourself and your partner.