As part of our series exploring how New Zealanders live and our relationship with money, a communications professional describes their difficult financial situation after separation.

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Gender: Female

Age: 38

Ethnicity: Pākehā

Role: Full time job in communications. Single mother to a 10-year-old child – my husband moved away a few years ago and we have almost no contact now (new partner/family).

Salary/income/assets: I earn $85,000 from my full-time role, and $11,000 in child support. This is paid via IRD monthly and sometimes is short the full amount of “entitlement” as the IRD call it. When I called IRD the customer service person told me child support is “not guaranteed” as the IRD may not be able to collect the full amount. I try not to include it in my budget because I may not receive it in full – which was a surprise to me when I applied for it. I assumed it would be mandatory (like tax)!

My living location is: Suburban

Rent/mortgage per week: The mortgage on my home is $2700 per month, plus $5000 in rates per year. I pay this in full myself, even though it is still co-owned with my (ex) husband. He stopped contributing to the outgoings, rates or insurance when he left.

The house needs maintenance, and we would lose money from what we bought it for five years ago anyway so I just keep paying the mortgage myself as I don’t know what else to do – I can’t sell it (without his agreement) but can’t really afford it either. We had an interest only loan for a while but the bank couldn’t get hold of my ex to extend the period. I can’t restructure or change anything myself without his agreement. So I’m really stuck. I have a property lawyer I owe thousands to and they’ve called my situation “a rock and a hard place”, but without any real resolution in mind.

I keep going because at least the house gives my child a sense of belonging and normality, but I can’t keep it up forever.

Student loan or other debt payments per week: No consumer debt. I always save up, go without or buy second hand. No student loan, I paid that off. But I do owe the property lawyer over $6,000.

Typical weekly food costs

Groceries: I budget monthly as this works best for me. $650 per month for two of us.

Eating out: Once a week we go to a local social event (both myself and child) and I buy him a pizza. I eat at home before I go, or when we get home.

Takeaways: Almost never. I make sushi at home, son’s favourite. On Friday’s his school does lunch orders and I sometimes buy him one for $7.50.

Workday lunches: Never, I bring my own.

Cafe coffees/snacks: Maybe one coffee / hot chocolate per week when we go on a walk in our local area. I like to go on walks because that’s when we get to have talks about things going on with him and chat through how to manage or deal with a situation.

Savings: I barely save now. I used to be a big saver during my marriage. A week after my ex left, he emptied almost all of my savings from my account. But I now have $19,000 in the bank, which I’m really proud of, but I don’t add to it much, if at all.

That probably sounds like a lot to some people, and even to me, especially because two years ago I had almost nothing. But it took a lot of discipline to get here. I have about 15 different bank accounts and bucket my expenses at the start of each month. I recently listened to a podcast about “aging your money”, and I actually feel a lot less pressure knowing I’m spending money I put aside at the start of the month. It makes me feel like I’m ahead, day-to-day.

I know the house needs work, so eventually I’ll probably have to use some of those savings. And it sucks knowing that if I put money into the house, I may not get that money back if I have to split the relatively small amount of equity with my ex. For now, though, I’m happy the $19,000 is there and knowing that if something happens, I have a decent buffer and I’m not starting from nothing again.

I worry about money: Always.

Three words to describe my financial situation: Trapped, anxious, precarious.

In a typical week my alcohol expenditure would be: $14.99 (six-pack of beer).

In a typical week my transport expenditure would be: Petrol $250 per month.

I estimate in the past year the ballpark amount I spent on my personal clothing (including sleepwear and underwear) was: Maybe $500? If that. I buy almost all clothes second hand. Designer Wardrobe and Op Shopping. I went to a wedding in March and bought a dress that retails for $350 for about $60 and I looked and felt nice. But I do have to look presentable for work too so the rest was work clothes.

My most expensive clothing in the past year was: $80 Mary Janes for work – second hand from Designer Wardrobe. It’s a really good site!

My grooming/beauty expenditure in a year is about: Pretty low I think, I do my nails at home – maybe $40 a year on polish. Some makeup, but I usually wait for a sale at Farmers or use money that might be given to me for a birthday. My shampoo / conditioner is $80 for both bottles and I buy twice a year.

I did spend $198 on a haircut last month. It took me 18 months to decide it was OK to spend money on a haircut. I really liked my hair and felt really happy I’d spent that money as it felt like an investment in rejoining the human race for a while.

My exercise expenditure in a year is about: I love exercise and consider it vital for my wellbeing. I do it all at home though. So maybe a kettlebell from Kmart every now and again. I’ve had the same fitness gear for years, I’m due some new running shoes though.

My last Friday night cost: $0. At home with my son. We made chicken wraps and watched our TV show.

Most regrettable purchase in the last 12 months was: Spending money with a lawyer who has basically not helped at all – my situation hasn’t changed and their advice has not resulted in anything positive for me. I regret that a lot.

Most indulgent purchase (that I don’t regret) in the last 12 months was: The haircut.

One area where I’m a bit of a tightwad is: Haha, all areas. Probably beauty products.

Five words to describe my financial personality would be… Scarcity-mindset, nervous, careful, thoughtful, under-educated (wealth creation).

I grew up in a house where money was: Not really talked about. It was the 90s. We lived off my dad’s income which was average but perfectly enough for a normal house with summer holidays and occasional new clothes. We didn’t have heaps but we never went without. It was about budgeting but not at all about long-term wealth. No one ever mentioned compound interest!

The last time my Eftpos card was declined was: Never. I always know exactly what I have and what I don’t. I have way too much generalised anxiety to attempt to buy something without pre-planning!

In five years, in financial terms, I see myself: Pretty much the same but possibly worse off thanks to inflation – unless I can retrain or get into a new line of work, my buying power shrinks with each year that goes by. Studying is a tough one because I have very little spare time and almost no energy at the end of the day with full time work and single parenting.

I will probably be renting as I doubt I can buy a house again on my own. My son’s health is my priority so I wouldn’t want to make too many changes by moving in with someone or having flatmates due to his particular health and mental health issues that requires me to be really careful about our home environment and keeping everything calm.

I would love to have more money for: Being generous. Creating memories with my son. Doing fun things and feeling less anxious about the future.

Describe your financial low: A year ago when my ex took money from my son’s account. It was less than $1000 but I don’t think I’ve ever been so upset about a money situation and I felt like I had let my son down by not anticipating his dad might do that, as he still had the log in details.

I am currently in my low though – I’m really proud of getting by and even having savings and being able to do a few things but I know the long term outcome for me is not good unless something changes. I want to support my son through university as he is extremely bright and I want to set him up so he’s never in the same hard situation I am in with the feeling of a bleak outlook.

I give money away to: I don’t have any budget for donations.